Superman Tonight
by SarahTee
Summary: Gabriel does some thinking and picks a side, setting off a chain of events even he couldn't have predicted. Set after 5x08. Pre-slash Sam/Gabriel, pre-slash Dean/Cas. Thanks, as always, to my awesome beta, loveinstars! :-D
1. No More Running

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately - it's my curse...I only get to borrow the boys unfortunately.

**Chapter 1**

The last thing Gabriel wanted was to be dragged back into his family's feud. He'd gotten along pretty damn well on his own for this long, thank you very much. It was all the fault of those infuriating Winchesters! It grated that they'd gotten so far under his skin that he no longer had a choice. Except it wasn't _they_, was it? Not really. It was just _him_. Samuel Winchester. Messed up, demon-blood addicted, oh-so-freaking noble Sammy.

_There's something about you_

_I want to rescue_

_I don't even know you_

_So what does that mean?_

_Maybe I'm cynical_

_I'm painfully logical_

_You're tragic and beautiful_

_And that's good enough for me._

He had just wanted the whole thing over with. His brothers wanted a showdown, and he'd tired of the role of peacekeeper a long time ago. He'd been resolved to push the Winchesters into their roles whether they liked it or not. That didn't work so well either – stupid, stubborn, irritating hunters! Not only did he not get them to play ball, but he underestimated just how few pieces the younger Winchester would need to put the puzzle together, and now they knew who he was.

_~ "This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family." ~_

Dean's parting remark had been intended to cut, but it had barely scratched compared to what he'd seen in Sam's mind. With everything his life had thrown at him, Sam had still managed to retain some small measure of faith. Until now. Somehow, Gabriel had done what even his brother's trip to hell and Ruby's manipulation had been unable to. He should have seen it coming, he supposed. Even beneath his layers (upon layers upon layers) of issues, Sam's belief in _good_ and _pure _had been a grounding point, something to rely on. Gabriel hadn't considered himself good or pure in a long time, but apparently Sam associated those things with his old job (and really who could blame him? The only thing better or purer than Gabriel and his Brothers had been their Father, after all), and seeing how far he had fallen (for want of a better word) had been the proverbial last straw for the camel's back that was Sam Winchester's faith.

_You're looking for a hero, but it's just my old tattoo_

_Tonight I swear I'd sell my soul to be a hero for you._

He knew that Sam had been hoping to enlist him to fight with them against Heaven and Hell, before they'd figured out who he was. He had had no intention of getting involved in their suicidal and hopeless plans, and yet now, with Sam's devastation and disappointment ringing in his head, he found that he was desperate to do just that. The instinct to fix what he'd broken was stifling.

As soon as the fire had burned out he'd fled the warehouse, and thrown himself into trick after trick in an effort to drown out his thoughts. It wasn't working. Where there had been satisfaction and humour, now there was only shame at how damaged he'd become. Where he'd previously thrown himself into being 'The Trickster' with enthusiasm, now all he could see was how far removed he was from the Angel of Judgement he'd started out as.

_Who's going to save you_

_When the stars fall from your sky?_

_And who's going to pull you in_

_When the tide gets too high?_

_Who's going to hold you_

_When you turn out the light?_

_I won't lie, I wish that I_

_Could be your superman tonight._

It took him a week to decide to bite the bullet, and the suspicion pouring off Sam when he found him alone in the motel room had nearly had him doing an about turn. He didn't need this, didn't need to get involved. He'd gotten as far as raising his hand to _snap_ away, when he'd caught something. A feeling so fleeting and faint that he almost didn't notice it. Probably wouldn't have grasped its significance if it hadn't been for the bitter thoughts that followed in its wake. Focusing, he grasped the feeling in his memory, and identified it. Hope. For a fraction of a second, in amongst the suspicion and disappointment directed at him, hope that maybe something good could finally happen had flared up in Sam's chest. That the thoughts he'd crushed it down with had been bitter and cynical didn't matter to Gabriel. All that mattered was that maybe, despite the efforts of Heaven and Hell and everything in between, Sam Winchester wasn't as broken as he'd feared, and just maybe what Gabriel had come here to do wasn't impossible after all.

He might not have cared about saving the world from his Brothers, but he'd fight them for it if it meant saving Sam.


	2. No Hope

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately - it's my curse...I only get to borrow the boys unfortunately.

**Chapter 2**

_If somebody sent you_

_An angel to save you_

_What would you tell him to turn him away?_

"What do you want?" Sam's question came out flat and cold, his voice betraying none of the emotions that had flashed through his mind, his face blank.

"Anyone'd think you weren't happy to see me Sammy-boy!"

He waited silently, staring at the grinning Archangel. He didn't need this now. Dean and Cas had disappeared an hour ago to investigate rumours of demon sightings in the next town over, leaving Sam behind to 'research'. Yeah, research – right! He wondered if Dean even realised he was doing it? Keeping Sam as far from _temptation_ as possible seemed to be becoming second nature – would he ever really trust him again?

"O-kay, so that's a tick in the not-happy column."

The grin faded, a serious look replacing it that looked too at home there for Sam's comfort. The Trickster – Gabriel, he reminded himself sharply – wasn't supposed to look so old and careworn. Sam fleetingly wondered how much of the Archangel Gabriel was really left in there, and what _he_ saw when he looked at Sam, what Judgement he would've levied against him. _*You started the freaking apocalypse! What do you think?*_ Sam shook his head quickly to clear it.

"Why are you here, _Gabriel_?" Sam spat the Archangel's name out like a curse. The almost non-existent flinch he got was not as satisfying as he would've expected. He hated having to associate this mockery of what an Angel should be with what he'd always so firmly believed. 'The Trickster' or 'Trickster' just didn't roll off the tongue properly though, not in a one-on-one conversation. Sam ignored the small voice in the back of his head that pointed out that compared Gabriel was a lot closer than some of the Angels they'd met (Uriel and Zachariah immediately sprung to mind).

"Maybe I was bored – you're always such fun Sammy!" The grin Gabriel had pasted back on didn't reach his eyes, in fact it looked almost painful. Sam had had enough bullshit to last ten lifetimes, and didn't have the energy today to deal with anymore.

"No." Cold, hard, a single-worded demand for the truth, just this once, for a change. He watched Gabriel's face closely, saw indecision flicker, and then the serious almost-frown was back, Amber eyes almost sad-looking.

"Couldn't be easy could it?" The mutter was so quiet Sam almost didn't catch it. Before he could figure it out, Gabriel continued. "You needed someone to talk to kid, and somehow I don't see Dean-o having a very open ear at the moment, what with his burgeoning relationship with alcoholism – and as for my bro, well, he still hasn't quite grasped the many subtleties of human emotion has he? So, by some freaky-assed process of elimination, that left me."

Sam couldn't help it. His jaw dropped, his eyebrows rose, and he spluttered incomprehensibly as he tried to make sense of that. Was he – was Gabriel offering to be his own personal shoulder to cry on? Not that he had any intention of crying anywhere, let alone on this confusing being's shoulder, but seriously?

"Very articulate there Sammy!" Okay, so Gabriel was still snarking – the world wasn't quite upside-down then, just slightly sideways perhaps?

"It's Sam." He didn't even realise he'd said it, his brain still trying to process what was happening.

"Of course it is Sammy!" The grin – the real one, that made Gabriel's eyes sparkle (and he was not just thinking about how sparkly his eyes were, goddammit!) – reappeared full-force for a quick second, before settling back into the still-disconcerting serious expression. "I know you don't like me very much – Hell, you probably hate me – and I know that's my own fault. Believe it or not I _was_ trying to help at The Mystery Spot; I just didn't have all the facts. Not that that's the point right now – another story, another time. The point is, Sammy, I may not be your first choice when you go looking for a sympathetic ear, but right now you don't have any better options, and you need something. Every little thing you keep locked up in that stubborn brain of yours is one more weapon you give my brother in his battle to get you to say yes."

"What? What do you care? Last week you were a whole cheering section for the 'play your parts' team, now all of a sudden you've switched sides?" Disbelief battled anger as Sam half-shouted at the Archangel in front of him. He didn't understand what Gabriel's game was, couldn't see where the trick was this time. Perhaps he was just hoping he could find out something useful. Well screw that! Sam might have fallen for Ruby's tricks, but he'd wised up since then. He'd had to.

"I don't expect you to trust me Sammy, but I wasn't lying in that warehouse. Heaven and Hell can all go screw themselves for all I care, I just want it over with! Can you even imagine what it's like, knowing your family want to kill each other? Watching them try? So yeah, I wanted you and Dean to say yes. I wanted it done with, so that maybe I could forget it ever happened. Want to hear something funny though? Your brother – broken, damaged, hurting though he is – is never going to do it. I thought it was just that mile-wide stubborn streak you Winchesters all had, but it's deeper than that in Dean. I don't think he's even capable of saying yes to Mikey, his instinct to protect _you_ is that deeply ingrained. You'd be his first target, with or without Luci under your skin, and Dean knows it. _So_ that leaves me with a little problem. I may be sick of the whole business, but I'm not about to let my crazy brother run rough-shod over the planet, completely unchecked, and I'm not much of a fan of fratricide, so you need to be able to keep saying no."

Sam's emotions spun and flipped as he listened to Gabriel – horror at trying to imagine the Archangel's position, anger at his disregard for the brothers, a confused mix of pride, love and jealousy at his assessment of Dean, and despair at the realisation that his weakening will was so obvious. He had hoped that the reason Gabriel had been trying so hard with tv-world was because he thought they weren't going to break otherwise. He didn't think he'd ever hated being wrong quite so much.

Even through the maelstrom of thoughts and feelings though, Sam picked up something else. Something in Gabriel's face made Sam want to ask for the rest of his reasons, made him sure that there was more he wasn't saying, and at the same time warned him that he might not like the answer if he asked. That last thought kept him silent – without understanding how, he was certain that the unvoiced reason was nothing sinister.

He resolved to keep an eye on the Archangel for anything suspicious, but otherwise accept his reasoning. And that thought brought Sam back to where the conversation had begun. Gabriel's surreal offer to help him deal with his 'issues'.

_That your heart don't break_

_That your lips don't kiss_

_That life is just a lie_

_That heaven don't exist?_

"I don't need your help." His voice was cold and flat again. "I don't need anyone's help. I've dealt with a lot of crap before, and I'm managing just fine with this latest pile. Lucifer's not going to break me, so you've got nothing to worry about."

"I wish that were true Sammy, I really do." Gabriel's voice was soft, his eyes sad. He snapped his fingers and disappeared, reappearing sat on one of the beds, leaning back against the headrest. "Fate dealt you a supremely shitty hand, and no-one can say you haven't played a great game in spite of that." Sam moved to the desk chair, his eyes never leaving the Archangel as he spoke. "You're so much stronger than a lot of people have given you credit for, even me in the past. But you know I'm right now. This, this is too much for anyone to go up against alone..."

"Apparently not too much for Dean, you think he can manage just fine on his own." Sam hadn't realised what he was going to say until he'd said it, the muttered comment ripping straight through his brain/mouth filter before he could stop it.

"Dean-o's got Angels coming at him head-on, fighting him to get his agreement – he knows how to fight, you both do. If Lucifer adopted Zach's tactics I wouldn't doubt your resolve for a second. Luci's much smarter than Zach. Dean doesn't have to deal with Lucifer whispering in his dreams. Making promises that will sound better every single night, until one day you'll forget why you ever even wanted to resist. And, maybe more to the point than that, Dean's not managing 'on his own' – your brother has my baby brother helping him every step of the way. Watching him, making sure he doesn't crack – Castiel gave up Heaven for him, and to Dean that means he owes him. Dean's need to make Castiel's sacrifice worthwhile is almost as strong as his need to protect you. This isn't about you not being as good as your brother. This is about you being too damn stubborn to ask for help when you need it, or take it when it's offered!"

Sam sat in stunned silence. He'd never really considered it from that point of view before. He was the weak link, he'd started the apocalypse, and...

"You didn't."

"Didn't what?" Sam was fairly sure he hadn't let anything slip out, which meant... "You read my mind?" Goddamned mind-reading Archangels. No sense of privacy!

Gabriel grinned slightly, and Sam thought maybe he'd heard that too.

"You didn't start the apocalypse, Sammy. You let Luci out to play, sure. That's on you – as much as it can be with all the outside manipulation going on, anyway. But you seem to have forgotten who broke the first seal. You bitch if you think someone implies Dean's better than you, but truth is, you think it too, don't you? You think you'll never be as good as your big brother. You and your brother have both been manipulated and used by forces you couldn't fully comprehend if you tried, and not only do you blame yourselves for what they made you do, but _you_, Sammy, you try to shoulder Dean's half of the blame as well!"

"Dean never would've been in a position to break that seal if it weren't for me. If I'd stopped Jake before he could kill me, Dean never would've been in Hell in the first place." Sam's voice wobbled a bit, then settled back into its previous cold tone.

"Now it's your fault for not killing a guy who only hours earlier you'd been working with, trying to help? You're not a murderer Sammy, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Dean chose to make that deal, he chose to bring you back." Gabriel sat forward, his face earnest, his eyes practically begging Sam to listen.

"And I wish to God he hadn't!" Sam shouted, finally breaking. He rose and walked towards Gabriel, stopping next to the bed a foot away from the now standing Archangel. "He should've left me dead! If he hadn't brought me back I never would've been able to screw everything up! Do you know what the worst part is though? I helped cause the apocalypse, so I'm pretty sure I'm headed straight to Hell, and the worst part is I don't even care anymore! Because what the hell kind of Heaven can there possibly be up there, if Heaven's own Angels are trying to bring about the fucking end of days?" Sam's sounded broken and ragged, tears rolled silently down his cheeks. His voice was almost a whisper as he finished. "When I died before, there was always a chance I'd get to go to Heaven, a hope of somewhere peaceful and perfect and happy. Now it feels like there's just different kinds of Hell in both directions..."


	3. Remembering Prayer

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately - it's my curse...I only get to borrow the boys unfortunately.

**Chapter 3**

_Who's going to save you_

_When the stars fall from your sky?_

_And who's going to pull you in_

_When the tide gets too high?_

_Who's going to hold you_

_When you turn out the lights?_

_I won't lie, I wish that I_

_Could be your superman tonight._

This was what he'd wanted, wasn't it? Sammy had opened up to him, just as he'd demanded. But Father! How could he help him? He was a big part of the problem, bigger than he'd even realised, because he was a big, flashing, neon in-your-face reminder to Sam that the Angels had betrayed everything Sam had ever believed in. The only Angel worth a shit that he'd met was Castiel, who was slowly falling for the crime of deciding to help them.

How on earth had he not given up? More importantly, _why_? To be resisting Lucifer's temptations when all he had in the world was a broken brother, crippled father-figure, and falling angel, none of whom even trusted him anymore...

Gabriel felt a swell of emotion deep within, a sense of wonder at the broken man before him. The will he had, the sheer determination, it was awe-inspiring.

He reached out slowly with one hand, careful not to spook Sam as he laid his fingers lightly upon his arm. He had no illusions – he was still 'the enemy', he knew that – but he wanted, no, _needed_ to try and offer some measure of comfort. He could feel his long buried Grace straining at the edges of the bindings he'd hidden it beneath all these years, practically begging to be allowed to reach out to the hunter who stood so close. Angels were made for love, designed for it – first to love their Father, and then his creations. After suppressing such instincts for so long he'd thought himself no longer capable, but now he knew just how wrong he'd been. The urge to wrap his Grace around Sam's torn and battered soul, to comfort, to provide relief to one in so much pain, and so in need of love, was almost over-whelming.

He tightened his hold on his Grace – he refused to do anything to startle Sammy, not now – and waited for his light touch on Sam's arm to register. After a few seconds Sam's face slowly raised, his eyes coming up to meet Gabriel's. Softly, he spoke.

"Sam," not Sammy, he wanted to make it clear how seriously he meant this, "let me try to help, please?"

A sob wrenched itself free from Sam's throat, and Gabriel reached out with his other arm, using his grip on Sam's sleeves to pull him carefully to sit on the bed. He sat down slowly next to him, and pulled the shaking form into a cautious hug. Tears quickly soaked through the shoulder of his shirt as he rubbed what he hoped were soothing patterns on Sam's back.

This had been a long time coming, he knew. He also knew that it wasn't going to be as simple as have a quick cry, all's better now, either. This whole mess had been years in the making, and it would take much more than one shouting match with an aggravating Archangel to clean it up. He wished so badly that he could just snap his fingers and make it all better, was sure he'd never wished for anything quite so hard. And maybe that was part of his problem, he realised suddenly.

His knee-jerk reaction was to _wish_ he could do it – that wasn't right. And this was something he could fix, straight away.

And so, as he sat there comforting Sam, muttering soothing platitudes softly to the young hunter, Gabriel prayed to his Father for the first time in over a millennia. He prayed with every fibre of his being, letting his Grace unfurl slightly to add power to his prayers, and then softly began wrapping small tendrils of it around Sam, patching the worst of the tears in his soul – still so bright, in spite of the damage it had suffered – with pieces of his Grace.

He felt when Sam drifted off to sleep, and moved carefully to lay the hunter down on the bed. Snapping his fingers moved the covers from beneath Sam, laying them carefully to cover him, and Gabriel snapped up an easy chair beside the bed, relaxing into it to watch the taller man sleep.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

He knew he was dreaming – recognised his cabin, not that he'd spent much time there recently. He ignored the nagging feeling just out of reach, that feeling he got when he couldn't quite remember if he'd forgotten something important or not. He wasn't sure why Lucifer was giving him these few minutes of peace before the whisperings and offers started, but he fully intended to make the most of them.

Sam was about halfway through his book (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy – one of a handful of books he knew well enough to bring in here), when it occurred to him that not only had Lucifer still not put in an appearance, but he'd also been asleep for much longer than was his norm these days. Suddenly that elusive thought from earlier seemed more important. Nothing ever changed for the better where the Winchesters were concerned – he needed to figure out if this was some new game Lucifer was playing, although he couldn't quite see the advantage to be gained by letting him get some restful sleep for a change, unless he meant to lull him into a false sense of security, or let him heal a little so he could start breaking him from scratch again perhaps?

So involved was he in his thoughts, that the sudden knock at the cabin door had him reacting instinctively, jumping up with arm raised, weapon (in this case a smartly bound hardback classic) aimed at the door. Chuckling softly at his over-reaction, Sam lowered the book. The chuckle quickly trailed off into a sigh as he realised that he'd been counting chickens that were never going to hatch – of course Lucifer wasn't really going to leave him in peace. Although, knocking the door was a new approach. Usually he'd just whisk Sam out of the cabin and dump him in the middle of his latest manipulation. He spared a second to think that maybe he preferred that – it kept his cabin a sort of sanctuary when he could get there, something Lucifer hadn't touched.

Another knock brought him out of his thoughts, and with a bone-weary sigh he walked towards the door, knowing all too well that ignoring him would only piss him off, and then he was just as likely to try torture as temptation.

He turned the handle, opened the heavy wooden door, and gaped in confusion at what was before him.

"Heya Sammy, you miss me?" Gabriel grinned, brushing past the taller man, snapping up a bowl of Rainbow Drops and sinking into the chair to the side of the one Sam had been occupying. "Don't just stand there, shut the door! You might want to lock-up too, wouldn't want any invited visitors, would we?"

"Don't you mean any _more_ uninvited visitors Gabriel? Because I sure as hell don't remember asking you to take a stroll through my head!" Despite arguing Sam found himself doing as the Archangel requested and locking the door, even going as far as sliding the newly imagined deadbolt across.

"Aw Sammy, you wound me! If I were anyone else I might think you weren't happy to see me." The smirk was bad enough, in Sam's opinion. The wink that accompanied it, now that was just a little too much. Sam knew he should be royally pissed that Gabriel had decided to take an unauthorised trip into his dreams, and yet he couldn't help but draw a connection between Gabriel's presence and Lucifer's absence.

Nevertheless, it wouldn't do to have Gabriel thinking he could go about taking liberties with his privacy, so questions could wait a minute.

"Just so we're perfectly clear, it's generally considered rude to go wandering around in other people's dreams without their permission."

"Asking for permission wasn't really an option today Sammy-boy. I know your memory's probably a little fuzzy right now, but when you wake up I'm sure I'll be forgiven for trespassing on private property, so I'm not going to sweat it, and you might as well save your breath for more important things, like the question you were about to ask?"

"Stay out of my head really truly has no meaning to you, does it?" Sam threw his hands in the air in annoyance, and walked over to drop back into his chair, placing the book carefully back on the table. Sam took a deep breath and continued.

"Did you do something? To keep Lucifer out of my head I mean?"

"Yes." _Well, that was illuminating_, Sam thought snarkily.

"Any chance you could elaborate on the how? Or the why? Especially the why. What game are you playing?"

"The kind neither of us can afford to lose Sammy. You're going to have to wake up soon, I'm sorry. I held him off for a while, and sent him the long way around when he got in, but Luci's nearly here, and that door won't hold him for long. I know you won't believe me when I say I'm trying to help, so how about we finish this conversation when you wake up, so that you're not memory impaired, hmm?"

With that Gabriel winked out of existence. Sam barely had time to consider what he'd said, or try to decipher the sad, piercing look – so at odds with his habitual grin – in his eyes as he'd spoken, before the room started fading, and Sam realised that he was waking up. The last thing he felt before the dream dissolved completely was an aura of malice coming from behind the bolted cabin door.


	4. An Offer and a Confession

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately - it's my curse...I only get to borrow the boys unfortunately.

**Chapter 4**

Sam's eyes drifted open slowly, coming quickly to rest on Gabriel. The Archangel was watching him intently, looking uncharacteristically nervous.

"How long was I asleep?" He asked, sitting up quickly. Because, seriously? He hadn't felt this good in, well, in years if he was truly honest with himself. That he had _Gabriel_ to thank for that was all kinds of confusing. Gratitude towards the person who'd killed his brother a hundred times over? What the fuck? He was so deep in thought he almost missed Gabriel's answer.

"Seven hours. I kept Luci out for five, then led him around by the nose for another two." Gabriel paused, chuckling lightly. "He's probably spitting mad right about now! Never was one for fun and games, except when they were his."

Seven hours. Seven. Hours. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept for that long, let alone to do it nightmare-free. _*He didn't do it for you! You're just a means to an end – he's trying to keep you from screwing up, remember?* _Sam looked away, taking a deep breath as he fought for control. He felt like an idiot for losing it earlier, he damn well wasn't going to do it again.

"Kid, I..."

Sam looked back up as Gabriel trailed off, confused at the normally glib Archangel's hesitation. What he saw made his chest tighten in panic. He had 'lets talk about it' face – he just wasn't sure how to start. Sam couldn't do this, not now. Not again, after last night. He was pretty sure one breakdown per week was his limit.

"Thank you." He all but spat the words out in his haste. "I, I mean – for keeping Lucifer out. I really needed a good night's sleep. I can deal with everything better when I'm not struggling to keep my eyes open." _*I'm fine, I don't need any more help, there's nothing else that needs to be talked about. I know you're listening, so please just listen?*_ Okay so he was begging, pleading even – but it wasn't out loud, which meant it didn't really count, his pride could remain undented if the goddamned nosy Archangel would just stick to his habit of a lifetime and bulldoze straight through the concept of privacy.

Something about Gabriel's slightly pained grin told him he'd heard, loud and clear – had probably even caught Sam's reasoning too, but that couldn't be helped.

"No problem Sammy! Liked the cabin, by the way – nice and cosy. Maybe tonight I'll be able to hang around a bit longer, if Luci's still licking his wounds."

Logically, Sam knew that there was nothing he could do to stop the Archangel from gate-crashing his dreams (except not sleep, and that was not a clever plan, he'd tried that when Lucifer had first started his nightly cameos, and nearly gotten himself killed dropping off mid-hunt), and he also knew that like it or not, Gabriel's help would be invaluable if he could continue to hold off his fallen brother. But still...

"Dean and Cas will be back in a few hours – they're not going to be happy to see you, and they definitely won't trust you to be messing around in my head."

"It's your head Sammy, you're the only one who could really keep me out..."

"How?" Sam jumped on the comment, cutting Gabriel off mid-sentence. If there was a way to keep Gabriel out, then there was a way to keep Lucifer out too, surely? What he wouldn't give to have his head to himself again!

Sam almost missed the naked hurt that flashed briefly in Gabriel's eyes, before he quickly covered it with a quick shake of the head and soft grin.

"Ask, Sammy. I only came right in last night when Luci got past me, I had to beat him to you and get you out. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot easier to put up barriers from inside, they'd be stronger, last longer, but I could do it from outside if you wanted me to. I won't come back in without your permission unless it's an emergency."

"I didn't mean...I appreciate that you're trying to help Gabriel, regardless of whether I understand or fully believe your reasons. I just thought there might've been a way to keep Lucifer out myself...I just wish I could do something right for a change!"

Okay, so he didn't mean to add that last bit, but the whole thing was just so frustrating! Having to rely on everyone else meant he couldn't keep them away from him. People who got close to him got hurt, damaged. He was dangerous to be around, and yet his selfish needs kept pulling people in.

"Sammy – Sam. I honestly believe you haven't got a selfish bone in your whole body." Oh, right – mind-reading. "This was never your mess to start with – you and Dean got dragged into this kicking and screaming, tricked and manipulated and prodded into a war that should've had nothing to do with you. If this is anyone's mess to clean up, perhaps it's mine. They're my brothers, and instead of dealing with them I ran away. If anyone deserves to suffer fixing this, it's me. And I'm not going to let you be hurt by it anymore if I can help it."

Sam stared at Gabriel in astonishment. He'd never seen the Archangel so serious, so open. He'd thought the look he'd worn the night before had been old and careworn – now he looked positively ancient. The silence dragged out for moments that seemed like hours, neither man breaking the other's gaze. Then, lightning quick, Gabriel's whole face shifted and he grabbed a piece of candy out of a newly created bowl, and popped it into his now-grinning mouth.

"So, what d'ya say Sammy? Can I come toast marshmallows over your log-fire tonight? I'll even make hot chocolate! Candy?"

Sam reached out automatically to take a piece of candy from the pro-offered bowl, thinking Gabriel's offer over.

On the one hand, it'd be nice to spend a whole night alone in his head. But was that fair? Gabriel was offering to help him (and Sam was sure now that the offer was genuine), was it fair to make it harder on him, when he was likely to suffer for it anyway? He should be trying to limit the damage he did to those around him, not making things harder for them with his selfish desires. Gabriel said it was easier from inside, but how much easier? Because until he thought Sam might not let him in, he seemed confident that he could keep Lucifer away completely, and yet last night he'd gotten past him. Something told Sam that it was a _lot_ harder from the outside.

"If I don't want you in my dreams, I'll let you know." He couldn't say yes. He'd spent too long conditioning himself to avoid that word at all costs. Still, did he have to phrase it like that? He mentally kicked himself watching as Gabriel's eyebrow rose and his grin deepened, and he let out a low chuckle.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Gabriel grinned in amusement as Sam's face flushed a lovely shade of pink. He chuckled as the younger Winchester went into a mental scrabble, rounding up the rogue thoughts his unintentional dreams comment had loosed, hoping like hell that the Archangel hadn't paid them any attention.

_*Hmm...to tease, or not to tease, that is the question!*_

Gabriel let his grin turn wicked for a second – *_to tease, obviously!*_ – and then broke into a deep belly-laugh at Sam's impression of a deer caught in the headlights.

When he finally came up for air – not that he needed it – Sam had moved to sit on top of the covers, legs crossed in front of him, and adopted bitchface #27, the 'I am not here to be the butt of your jokes!' bitchface. Gabriel briefly wondered exactly how bored the brothers must get driving around all the time, that they'd actually taken time out to name and label that many bitchfaces.

"Aw Sammy, lighten up – you think you're the first person to have an inappropriate thought? I've seen things in my time, you can't even imagine what goes on in some people's heads!" Gabriel flashed Sam another grin, giving himself a mental pat on the back when he noticed the corners of Sam's mouth twitch upwards slightly.

"And on that note, I need a coffee." Sam rose quickly crossing the room to find his wallet.

"Hey Sammy!" Gabriel called after him. When the hunter turned, Gabriel snapped his fingers, and a huge steaming cup of caffeine materialized in Sam's right hand, a sugared doughnut now gracing his left. He watched as Sam stared in bewilderment, then shrugged and took a bite from the doughnut, nodding in thanks.

As he leaned against the desk Gabriel sank backwards into the comfort of his chair, absently picking at his bowl of candy while he watched Sam discreetly.

Shifting his focus slightly, he zeroed in on what lay beneath the surface, out of the range of human eye-sight. It was entirely possible that he'd done something monumentally stupid last night, and he couldn't even bring himself to be sorry for it.

Sam's soul was shining. Really, truly, shining. He remembered letting his Grace out a bit, praying to his Father for help for Sam, and maybe he should have been more careful. If he'd thought about it maybe he would've been, and now it was too late, but he refused to regret it.

Beaten and torn as it had been, tarnished by demon-blood, Sam's soul had still been beautiful. Now, with threads of Gabriel's Grace weaving through it, pulling the tears closed and strengthening the weakened spots, washing away the stain of the demon-blood, it was glorious.

Would Sam accept what he'd done, he wondered? He'd had no right, he hadn't asked for permission, he'd just reached out and changed Sam in such a fundamental way, and now he found himself afraid that Sam would hate him for it. Yet again he had been just another powerful being meddling in the young man's life without so much as a by-your-leave. He knew he'd have to tell him eventually, but he found he couldn't bring himself to risk breaking the measure of – trust, perhaps? – that was slowly developing between them.

But trust built on a lie was too brittle to risk in their situation wasn't it? Gabriel sighed softly, snapping away the bowl of candy as he pulled himself from the chair. As Sam raised an eyebrow in question, Gabriel took a breath.

"I...Sam, how much do you remember about last night?"

"Here or in the dream?" Sam's look turned wary, and Gabriel felt his heart clench. This was not going to go down well.

"Here. Just before you fell asleep." Sam's face flushed slightly in embarrassment.

"I said some things that I'd rather you kept to yourself – Cas and Dean..."

"They won't hear it from me kid." Sam's face relaxed slightly, relief in his eyes. _*Okay, here goes...well, here goes everything actually.*_ "I may have – done – something, when you were upset. Nothing bad!" He rushed to try and reassure him when Sam's expression turned dark. "At least, I don't think it's bad. And I'm not sorry I did it, either. But it's the sort of thing that you normally ask permission for first, only I didn't realise what was happening until it was to late – got distracted trying to talk to dear old Dad..."

"Dad? You mean you were praying? But why? I thought – I mean, when you left, you cut ties, didn't you? Why would you risk them finding you now, after all this time?"

Gabriel looked Sam right in the eyes, unable to stop his anguish showing at first, quickly pulling up a blank mask.

"It wasn't a risk, they won't find us. They don't even know they should be looking for me – they think I've been dead for over a thousand years Sammy. If they sensed the tiny bit of Grace I let out, they wouldn't have thought anything of it. Castiel has more Grace left than the bit I let out, and they haven't found him yet." He wasn't touching the question about his prayer with a ten thousand foot pole. He just hoped Sam didn't notice his avoidance of it. "That's not the point anyway. The point is..."

Gabriel's voice cut off mid-sentence, both his and Sam's eyes darting to the door as a key jangled in the lock, muffled voices coming from outside.


	5. A Complication and Some Obfuscation

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately - it's my curse...I only get to borrow the boys unfortunately.

Author's Note: Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all the awesome people who've left me reviews so far - you rock! *grins* now, on with the show...

**Chapter 5**

"Dean..." Sam whispered, eyes darting back in panic to Gabriel. The frustration on the Archangel's face was quickly masked with a grin, as Gabriel winked at him.

"See you tonight, Sammy!"

Before Sam could protest, Gabriel was gone, taking with him the chair he'd created – the only sign that he'd been there now the rapidly cooling mug of coffee and half eaten doughnut in Sam's hands. As the door opened Sam finished off the doughnut. Should he tell Dean and Cas about Gabriel's visit? They wouldn't trust the Archangel – Sam still wasn't sure why he was considering it. He could argue that he didn't have a choice, that the Archangel could help them in a way that no-one else was able, a way that they – that _he_ – desperately needed. It was certainly true enough.

The problem was it felt like a lie. He genuinely wanted to trust Gabriel. He took a sip from his mug, nodding in greeting to his brother and Cas.

"You're back early..." Either the rumours had been wrong, or the problem was big enough that Dean had decided they would need Sam's help after all.

"It's like the sons of bitches knew we were coming Sammy! There were traces everywhere, sulphur at the crime scene, and not a single demon in town – Cas checked." Okay, so that explained the strained look on the Angel's face. Even the smallest uses of his Grace were draining on him these days, a consequence of cutting himself off from Heaven. Checking a whole town for demonic presence was not a smart move on his part.

Could Dean even see what Cas was doing? Sam could picture their arrival in Concord now – Dean would've asked Cas absently if he could sense any 'freaky demon vibes' in town as soon as they discovered the sulphur residue, eager to get the hunt over with and go check on Sam. Cas would've reached out with diminished Grace, hiding the strain from Dean as much as possible, not believing it worth mentioning. If they weren't careful sooner or later the Angel was going to push himself too far...

"So what, Demons are running scared from us now? Somehow that's more worrying than comforting..."

"Yeah, like maybe they know something we d – hey Cas, you okay?" Sam's eyes darted back to the Angel at Dean's worried tone. Cas was staring at him, head tilted, in confusion. He was also, Sam noticed suddenly, swaying slightly on his feet. He began to pitch forward, but Dean was already there, catching him around the shoulders, leading him slowly over to one of the beds. He glanced worriedly at Sam, then turned to help Cas lay down.

"Cas – Cas, can you hear me? What's wrong man?"

Sam was going to have to have a word with his oblivious brother later – it was obvious he had no idea how badly off Cas was, hadn't even made the connection between Cas' use of Grace earlier and his state now.

"I am fine Dean, I simply require rest." Even as he spoke, his eyes slid shut.

"What the hell? Since when do Angels need rest?" Dean's question may not have been aimed at him, but since Cas wasn't about to answer, Sam thought it might be a good time to start knocking some sense into his brother.

"Perhaps since he's been cut off from Heaven and running on a limited supply of power? He's probably been struggling not to pass out since you had him check Concord for demons, dude. Have you even noticed how he's avoiding using his Angel powers unless one of us asks him to?"

"Why the hell didn't he say anything?" Dean's face was a curious mix of worried and furious. "There were other ways we could've searched for the demons, goddammit! If they hadn't left town he could've gotten seriously hurt making himself this weak around them!"

Sam wisely didn't mention the way Dean was ignoring the fact that it likely would've gotten _both_ of them hurt – his brother's tendency to ignore risks to himself worried Sam whenever he stopped long enough to think about it. He could never decide if it was simply Dean's deeply ingrained self-sacrificing instincts, or if perhaps – especially since he'd been brought back – Dean just didn't care if he got hurt anymore.

"He might not've realised how hard it would hit him, he's probably not used to having so little power to draw on still. I think perhaps we need to stop asking him for Angel things, limit it to life and death situations only..."

"Damn stupid, self-sacrificing..." Sam grinned slightly as Dean turned back towards Cas, his mutterings trailing off into silence as he watched the sleeping Angel. _*If ever the pot called the kettle black...*_ Sam thought wryly.

He wondered briefly about the confused look Cas had been giving him just before he collapsed, then dismissed it as part of the whole exhaustion thing. Cas was fine for the moment, his brother seemingly content to keep an eye on him, so Sam turned his mind back to Gabriel, moving to stare out of the window with his coffee.

What had the Archangel been about to say, he wondered? It had felt important – he had rarely seen Gabriel so serious. He'd said he'd done something – something 'not bad'. Unfortunately, Sam wasn't sure his and Gabriel's definitions of 'not bad' were necessarily that similar. He had sounded guilty, and the brief expressions that had broken through his mask had been sort of worried-looking.

Sam thought back to the previous evening, back to the part where he'd broken down – he grimaced at the memory. Gabriel hadn't done anything but hold him, and mutter soothing nonsense in his ear. As embarrassing as that was, Sam couldn't see that being what the Archangel had referred to, and yet nothing stood out. He'd implied that it, whatever it was, had been an accident too, hadn't he?

_~ "...didn't realise what was happening until it was too late..." ~_

"Breakfast Sammy?" Sam was startled from his thoughts, and he glanced round to see that Dean was now stood by the table with a takeaway bag Sam hadn't noticed earlier. His stomach growled loudly. Apparently one doughnut did not a filling breakfast make. Still, he hesitated. Dean's idea of a good breakfast was not one he shared.

"Cas ordered for you, seemed to think you wouldn't like my choice. No danger of real food dude..." Sam reached out to catch the bag Dean had thrown his way while talking, pleasantly surprised when he looked inside.

"Jerk." Because Dean had insulted his taste in food after all.

"Bitch." Dean grinned, and started digging into his own breakfast. Sam watched as his grin faded, worry darkening his eyes as he glanced at Cas.

"He'll be fine Dean, he said so himself."

"Because he's so great at telling us when something's not right with him."

"If he were at death's door I think he would have told us dude. Just give him a few hours. You look like you could use some sleep yourself anyway – use my bed."

"In a bit Sammy. You get much research done while we were gone?" Crap. Decision time, to tell or not to tell? _*Not.*_ Sam decided. Dean didn't need something else to worry about right now, best to wait until Cas was back on his feet to help calm him down. He ignored the little voice in the back of his head muttering something about making excuses.

"Not really, went at it for an hour or two, gave it up as a lost cause when the words started swimming around the page though. Decided to get some sleep instead." This would bring its own questions, but was still preferable to discussing Gabriel and his big breakdown.

"Nightmares? Or..." Dean trailed off, and Sam wondered what to say. It was a sign of how screwed up their lives were that nightmares was actually the better option. He bit back the bitter chuckle that threatened to erupt.

"Neither at first. Lucifer after a while, but it was like he couldn't get in or something. I was in my cabin reading for what felt like hours..."

"Reading? Seriously dude! Way to waste a good dream!"

"...before he turned up, and even then he was still outside the cabin, I could feel his evil burning behind the door. Don't know if he would've gotten in, I woke up then." That was practically the truth. He'd just left out one – slightly important – detail.

"So something was blocking Lucifer? Could it have been you? I mean, maybe you figured out how to do it without realising or some shit like that?"

"I don't know, I mean, anything's possible, but I think maybe that's giving me a bit too much credit Dean. I'm not that strong – I was exhausted when I went to sleep, I couldn't have managed it if I knew how, let alone accidentally."

"So we've got something new going on? Because we didn't have enough to deal with fighting Heaven and Hell, now there's an unknown in the mix too?"

"A helpful unknown – I slept for seven hours last night Dean. Seven whole hours! Do you know how long it's been since I've managed half that? And without nightmares either? Why do we have to assume everything's out to get us?"

"What planet are you living on Sammy? We've had Hell on our asses since we were kids, Heaven joined in when we wouldn't co-operate with their apocalypse, and then there's all the regular nasties here on earth that have their own private hate-ons for us. Something powerful enough to block the freaking Devil from your dreams suddenly appears and you want to trust it? Are you forgetting what happened last time you trusted something?"

Sam flinched back at Dean's reference to Ruby. He'd been wrong about her, he couldn't believe how stupid he'd been, allowing her to manipulate him the way she had. And there was a small part of him screaming that that was exactly what he was doing now with Gabriel. That he was falling for another trick – hell, he was already lying to Dean again. He could say it was because he didn't want to worry him until Castiel was up and about again, but even before the Angel passed out he had been considering not telling them.

He should tell Dean, now. But Dean would have questions that Sam couldn't answer yet. He still didn't know what Gabriel had done, what the 'not bad' something was, and he didn't understand why he was so eager to trust the Archangel after what he'd done to Dean at the mystery spot. He wouldn't be able to convince Dean of anything until he understood it himself, so there was no sense in bringing it up yet.

"There's nothing we can do about it now, regardless. If I can't keep Lucifer out of my dreams, then I doubt I'd have much luck against whatever _is_ powerful enough to do it. It may not even happen again, but if it does, then I might as well make the most of it, store up some extra sleep-hours in case it doesn't last."

"Just be careful dude." Sam could see it on Dean's face – he really wanted to argue but couldn't deny the logic in what Sam was saying.

Sam offered up a quick prayer that he wasn't screwing things up even more than he already had, then changed the topic of conversation.

"So, what do you think's going on with the demons? I mean, the timing could've been a coincidence..."

"I believe in a lot of things Sammy, but coincidences, in _our_ lives, just aren't one of them. No, I think they're under orders not to engage us. I just can't figure out why."


	6. Nightmare

Disclaimer: I own nothing, unfortunately - it's my curse...I only get to borrow the boys unfortunately.

Author's Note: Thank you to Sadistic-Kit and Nephtys Rayesh for the awesome reviews! Reviews make me happy, giving me reviews is like giving Gabriel candy - it leads to happiness! (And happiness leads to writing more... *grins*)

**Chapter 6**

Cas was still resting when night came, although he looked less pale which reassured the brothers slightly. Sam swallowed back a chuckle as he wondered what the Angel would make of all the hovering Sam knew his brother would be doing when Cas finally awoke – Dean could mother-hen it with the best of them when he was worried about someone.

Sam had done the dinner run when Dean had refused to leave his Angel's side – there was no doubt in the younger Winchester's mind that Cas was his brother's Angel, even if Dean was living in the land of denial – and the brothers had spent the day quietly researching, Sam at the desk on the laptop while Dean leafed through some of the books they'd borrowed off Bobby.

Sam made a note to go over the books again at some point since Dean's attention had been more often on the sleeping Angel than the page in front of him.

He flipped the laptop closed with a sigh – it felt like he was going around in circles, never finding anything new, or helpful. Glancing over at Dean he grinned when he saw that his brother was asleep in his chair, feet propped up on the bed by Cas and book resting open on his stomach. If even Dean had crashed it was probably past time he tried to sleep too, but he hesitated.

He knew why he was hesitant – it was the same reason he should have been eager to get to sleep. He _needed_ to know what Gabriel had been about to tell him earlier. Going to sleep would give him the chance to find out, but it would also mean seeing Gabriel, speaking to Gabriel – giving Gabriel the chance to manipulate him. He wanted so badly to trust the Archangel, because they really needed his help – _he_ really needed his help – but he couldn't afford to screw up again.

Not telling Dean already had been a mistake, perhaps, but at least once he had the whole story that particular conversation would be easier. With that thought, Sam rose from his chair and grabbed a pair of old pants and t-shirt to sleep in.

It wasn't until he was changed and led in bed that it occurred to him that he might not even be able to get to sleep after how much sleep he'd gotten the previous night. The thought was short-lived as a ridiculously large yawn split his face, and the hunter curled up into a more comfortable position and closed his eyes.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Gabriel felt the faint tug against his Grace that signalled Sam falling asleep, and quickly went to the hunter's motel room, being sure to remain unseen in case Dean or Cas were around.

The sight of his brother as unconscious as a human on one of the motel beds sent a spike of worry through him – he might not know Castiel all that well, but he respected the younger Angel. His Grace might slowly be failing him, but in a way he was stronger than Gabriel. While the Archangel had run away and hid for thousands of years, his youngest brother had openly defied the Host, and continued to do so even as he became more and more human.

The Winchesters had had one hell of an influence on him, just as they did on everyone who met them – even Gabriel himself. He only hoped they didn't all end up dead for it. The hunters inspired people to attempt the impossible – they were like the human equivalent of turning up with a knife at a gun fight, if the knife you had was one of those plastic toy ones you'd give a two year old, and the guns the other guys had were nuclear missiles.

Really, it was a miracle they hadn't died more or permanently yet, when you thought about it – perhaps Dad was looking out for them a little after all?

Turning towards the other bed, he sat beside the younger hunter – still invisible, it wouldn't do to have Dean or Cas wake up and see him, not when he wouldn't be in a position to explain or defend himself – and rested his hand lightly on his forehead.

As soon as he was inside he threw up every wall and ward and charm he could conceive of, putting as much of his power into them as he dared within the confines of Sam's fragile human mind. That done, he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. He was in a house – it could have been any house in any nice normal American suburb, except for one thing.

Two enormous hellhounds growling at a closed door.

And then the door was open, and the hounds bounded inside to the command given.

The screams that followed were horrible, but it was Sam's shouts, Sam's begging and pleading, that told Gabriel where they were, when they were.

This was the night Dean went to Hell.

There's no cabin to relax in tonight, Sam's stuck in what is probably his worst nightmare, and that thought spurs Gabriel into action.

With a thought he's in the room with Sam, grabbing his arm, and then they're gone. The ceiling replaced with sky, the walls with trees and rock. In the near distance a cabin lay down a winding path, and Gabriel led the shaking sobbing hunter slowly towards it.

When he still hadn't acknowledged the Archangel's presence after a few minutes except to allow himself to be led down the path, Gabriel began to worry. He tried speaking to Sam, urged the hunter to _look at him, please?_ The complete lack of reaction was unnerving. It was as if Sam had just shut down, and done so so completely that Gabriel couldn't even find any stray thoughts to pick through to figure out what the problem was.

Gabriel hoped that perhaps the familiarity and safety of his cabin would help, and with that thought continued to lead Sam by the arm, ignoring the stifling silence that grew as the man's pained sobs faded into nothing.

They had reached the edge of the clearing when Sam suddenly froze.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

When he'd been pulled from the house before Dean was dead, Sam had been confused. It didn't really matter though – he knew what happened next, had seen it enough times for his mind to fill in the blanks. Dean's screams as claws and teeth ripped into him, his blood pooling on the ground beneath him, his empty, glassy eyes when all was done...the confusion faded and Sam retreated into himself.

If he couldn't hear Lucifer then he couldn't be tempted by him. It would be threats tonight, he knew. Saving him from nightmares always meant threats.

He couldn't listen to Lucifer describing the monsters he would send after Dean and Bobby and Cas if Sam didn't say yes. He didn't trust himself enough.

He curled into a tiny ball inside his mind, put his hands over his ears, and closed his eyes. He felt his body being led slowly along a path, aware enough not to stumble, but little else. There was a familiar feeling to the place which grew as he walked, and Sam's sense of dread grew with it.

He wondered what he'd have to watch destroyed this time – last time Lucifer had felt he needed an extra push he'd made him watch as Bobby's house burned to the ground, the older hunter screaming in one of the windows. The time before that he'd watched Cas and Dean get torn apart by demons too numerous to fight.

Gabriel was right. He was wearing down. He'd considered killing himself before he could give in, but didn't know if Lucifer would be able to use his corpse, and couldn't find a way to ask Cas without arousing the Angel's suspicion. Gabriel might tell him, but then again Gabriel had said he'd be here when Sam slept – he wondered briefly if perhaps Gabriel had tried, and been overpowered by his brother, then shook the thought off. He couldn't afford to worry about anyone else right now, not when Lucifer could use it against him, use it to weaken him further.

When they reached the clearing Sam froze. It was his cabin. His one refuge, even in his own mind, and it wasn't his anymore, Lucifer had found it last night, and now he meant to destroy it. Sam felt awareness returning to his body, raised his arms in front of him and took a step backwards before he could stop himself. He didn't look to the side, didn't want to see the triumph on Lucifer's face at his reaction. Now the Devil would know this place meant something, and it would be used against him just like everything else.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

"Sam! Sammy! You need to calm down Sam, you need to breathe, okay, calm down! Sammy!"

His words were having no effect; it was as if Sam couldn't even hear him.

Gabriel stepped quickly in front of the hunter, who didn't even appear to notice him, his gaze still fixed on the cabin. He couldn't figure out why somewhere that had been a place of safety the night before was having this effect, but that was not important right now. What was important was getting Sam's attention and focus, getting Sam to calm down.

He reached up and gripped the taller man's head between his hands, and forced him to look down at him.

He watched as Sam's eyes widened even further in shock, his frantic pushes against Gabriel's arms stilling as quickly as they'd begun.

"You're not..."

He watched in silence as Sam took a breath and swallowed sharply, the fear in his eyes fading to be replaced with a warily hopeful expression.

"Gabriel...?"

"Yeah Sammy, it's me." He watched as tears filled Sam's eyes again, and held still as the hunter brought a hand up to his face, apparently still needing some sort of confirmation that the Angel was real. He didn't know why Sam had freaked out so badly – aside from having just watched a rerun of his brother's brutal murder, that is – but it could wait a few minutes.

"You're here...you came, just like you said." Sam's voice was barely above a whisper, but shock and disbelief coloured it sharply. "I thought...I thought..."

Sam broke off to gulp in another deep breath, his voice unable to hold steady. When his legs began shake, Gabriel decided it was time to get them moving again. Explanations could wait until they were somewhere Sam could rest, although Gabriel was beginning to get a pretty good idea what might be going on as Sam's thoughts slowly became clearer.

The depths his brother had sunk to made Gabriel's heart ache. He remembered Lucifer, bright and shining and _pure_, his brother had been so filled with love and kindness before the fall. Gabriel had known that the brother he remembered was gone, of course he had, but to see this proof of how far gone – it was different. More real.

Lucifer had been torturing Sam for months now. Not just tempting him and making him offers as they'd all assumed, but actually torturing him. Making him relive his worst memories, showing him his worst nightmares, and then saving him from them before threatening to do it all again, but this time not only in dreams.

His brother's Grace was so twisted it sickened him to his very core.

"Come on Sammy, let's go somewhere more interesting, I'm bored of trees!" He said with a grin, taking care to make it look as unforced as possible, "Oh, I know!" He took his hands from Sam's face and gripped his arm tightly with one hand while snapping the fingers of the other.

Sure, they were technically still in Sam's dream, but Gabriel prided himself on his ability to make realistic replicas of almost anything – he never could quite get the hang of pie though, for some reason...the flavourings were never what they ought to be.

The forest disappeared to be replaced with his favourite cafe. Martin's Chocolatier had the _best_ hot chocolate ever made – and twenty different flavours to choose from. They also did the baby marshmallows and whipped cream on top too, it was just what Sam needed!

"Where is this?"

"A small cafe in Wales – I'll have to take you there for real one day, but for now, try the gingerbread hot chocolate – it's awesome!"

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Sam stared at the small cafe in...shock? Confusion? Relief? Gabriel had come for him. Had pulled him from the nightmare before he'd had to see his brother's lifeless corpse again, before Lucifer could come and use it against him...

And now they were apparently getting hot chocolate.

The sheer normalcy of it was too much for Sam, and he felt a giggle welling up in his throat as he watched the Archangel ordering their hot chocolate. He dimly recognized that the building laughter was closer to hysteria than humour, but figured it was still his head, and if you couldn't have a minor breakdown in your own head, then where could you?

His body shook with laughter, and he bent over to clutch at his stomach as it began to ache. After a few moments he felt a hand on his arm, and looking to the side saw Gabriel staring at him in wide-eyed concern.

"You okay there, kiddo?"

Another round of laughter had Sam struggling to catch his breath, but finally he managed to get himself under control enough to respond.

"It's just...a few minutes ago I was waiting for the Devil himself to torture me, and now we're getting _hot chocolate_? And what does it say about my life that this isn't even the weirdest thing that's happened to me in the last few days?"

"That you're probably never bored...?" Gabriel offered with a smile, holding out one of the mugs of hot chocolate to Sam.

Sam was surprised to find himself returning the smile as he accepted the drink.

"Is 'something sugary' your answer to every problem?"

"Hey, inventing sugar and giving it you guys to play with was one of Dad's better ideas, Sammy. And I have never regretted showing those Indians how to grow cacao plants," he replied with a grin.

"Those Indians? You mean the Olmec Indians?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"What can I say? You were taking too long to get to the really good stuff and I wanted chocolate – although that Prophet's description of it was seriously inadequate..."

"You invented chocolate."

"No, I just gave it a jump start Sammy...and I still had to wait three and a half millennia for a chocolate bar then. Some of those early drinks were nice though – the Aztecs especially had a talent for it."

Sometimes Sam forgot how old Gabriel was. It was excusable, he reasoned, since the Archangel tended to act like a five year old on a sugar high a lot of the time – one with an extreme sense of humour at least.

He took a sip of his hot chocolate and had to swallow down the groan that threatened to escape – he had to hand it to him, Gabriel was right about the gingerbread hot chocolate – Sam didn't think he'd ever tasted anything quite so perfect.

"C'mon kiddo, let's get comfy," Gabriel said, tugging gently on Sam's sleeve as he headed for a sofa in the corner.

They sank in to opposite ends of it and settled in to a comfortable silence. There were things they needed to discuss, but for now both were happy to enjoy the brief respite.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Gabriel watched as Sam slowly became more and more relaxed, the square of his shoulders softening as he sank further into the over-sized sofa, the lines on his forehead smoothing out slowly.

He would need to talk about earlier, but Gabriel refused to push him just yet. As long as he was keeping his brother out, the hunter was in no immediate danger, and so he could afford to give him some time. Hopefully Sam would broach the subject himself, would come to trust Gabriel enough to let him help.

The more pressing issue, right now, was something which could destroy that trust before it even had chance to form.

He still hadn't explained to Sam about his little patch-job on the hunter's soul, and what exactly it meant. It was well past time for him to bite the bullet, to steal a human phrase.

"Sammy...?"

He placed his mug on the table beside the sofa and leaned forward slightly, resting one arm along the back of the seat and the other on his legs as he twisted to face the hunter directly.

"What did you do?" Sam's voice was soft, his words calm and measured.

He'd been waiting for this, Gabriel realised. He'd been waiting for the rest of the explanation, giving the Archangel chance to offer it up freely in a show of trust that Gabriel hadn't earned.

"Okay, so you remember I said I got distracted...?"

"Yeah, you said you were praying."

"Right – hadn't done it in a while, so it took a bit of concentration, and everything else just kind of went on auto-pilot, so to speak. When an Angel prays – when they're on earth, in a vessel, I mean – they have to...open their Grace up, I guess is the closest I can explain it. I've had a very tight lid on my Grace for a very long time, and while I was distracted the auto-pilot found a problem and decided to fix it..."

"I don't understand..."

"That's probably because I'm giving you a crappy explanation in my attempt not to freak you out too much, kiddo. You need to understand, you were hurting, badly, you had been for a very long time, and my Grace could sense it."

"It decided it needed to fix _**me**_, didn't it?"

Sam's voice was barely a whisper, but Gabriel heard it and nodded in reply. He didn't expect Sam's bitter response.

"It sensed the abomination, sensed the demon blood in me, and decided I was a problem it needed to fix."

"No, Sam! I felt your pain, your hurt...I could see the damage your life had done to your soul, and I tried to help. The part of me that would have realized the side-effects was otherwise occupied, and I owe you an apology for that – but like I said before, I'm not sorry I did it. I'm sorry you had no say in it, but it's made you safer, and with time, it'll make you stronger as well – it's not a bad thing Sammy, I promise."

"And I'm supposed to trust you on that? You haven't even told me what the fuck you did!"

Gabriel flinched at the anger in Sam's tone. This was quickly going very badly, and he needed to fix it. He shouldn't have beat around the bush so much. Perhaps if he'd just blurted it out and explained later, the hunter would've been too confused to get angry. Time to stop dancing around it...

"I used my Grace to heal the wounds on your soul, and accidently bonded us together."


	7. An Explanation

**Chapter 7**

Gabriel watched as Sam gaped open-mouthed, his eyes wide and eyebrows raised in a comical sort of panicked shock.

"You..." Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What does that mean? Bonded how?"

Gabriel would have been worried at Sam's sudden mood-shift, if he couldn't hear the hunter's thoughts still going ninety miles a minute. The forced layer of calm that had descended reminded him so much of a soldier – _*which is exactly what he's been raised to be,* _Gabriel reminded himself silently – Sam hadn't dismissed his anger, hadn't soothed it, he'd _leashed_ it. Emotion could be a weakness or a weapon, and John Winchester hadn't taught his sons to be weak. Sam was just waiting patiently, gathering information ready to make the most effective use of his anger.

_*Time to convince you it's not gonna be necessary then, aye kiddo?*_ Gabriel thought, _*Now how in Dad's name do I do that?*_

He could pretty it up, make it out to be all sunshine and daisies and candy and rainbows, but something told him that wasn't going to cut it. No, best to stick with the truth – give Sam the facts, good and bad, and hope that the hunter would appreciate his honesty enough to calm the fuck down. This was exactly why he'd avoided getting close to anyone since he'd left Heaven – everything got so damned complicated!

"A Soul-bond. My Grace is permanently entwined with your soul – there's no way to undo it, either."

"Permanent like until I die? Or..."

"Permanent like until I do? Door number two kiddo – although the two could well coincide, since you dying will drag me home, and I've got some pretty pissed off brothers up there at the moment."

"Home...?"

"When your soul goes to Heaven, the bond won't let me stay down here Sammy – not without feeling like I'm being torn apart, anyways."

At the look on Sam's face Gabriel continued, not even needing to read his mind this time.

"For a genius, you can be a huge idiot, you know that Sasquatch? You're fighting the Devil and trying to stop the apocalypse – that's not the way to buy a ticket to Hell kid."

"Not even when the whole thing's my fault in the first place?"

"We've had this conversation, Sam. Quit trying to hog all the blame. You're Heaven-ward bound, and now, so am I. It's a done deal, so if we could just move on..."

"What, exactly, does the bond involve? I mean, how was it formed?"

"What it involves is a tricky question – and no, I'm not hiding anything," he added, holding up his hands in defence, "I'm just not completely...certain... You need to understand, this kind of bond – it's rare between angels; I've never heard of a completed bond between an angel and a human. We're in uncharted waters here Sammy. I can make some guesses, but that's all they'll be – slightly educated guesses."

At Sam's nod Gabriel relaxed slightly – there would be more questions later, he was sure, but hopefully by then he'd have a better idea what was going to happen.

"As to the how of it..." he paused, trying to think of the best way to explain. "Did you know that angels can see human souls? I mean actually _see_ them, while they're still body-bound? You can tell the difference between those who've had it easy and those who haven't, too. Souls get marked, dirtied...in some really bad cases they get torn. Life wears people down and their souls fade."

"No wonder the angels all hate me – I probably look like hell," Sam muttered, adding with a pained grin "pun absolutely intended."

Gabriel smirked at that.

"Well, unless that good old Winchester luck leads you straight to Mikey, Luci or Rafe, the next angel to get a good look at you will probably turn tail and run, Sammy...they never were fond of picking on someone their own size."

"What do you mean?"

"You're carrying enough power around right now to out-rank everyone not an Archangel or Dad, and they won't know you can't access it. They also won't know where you got it, and they don't like being in the dark about things – scares 'em."

"Cas...he looked at me funny when they got back – I thought it was just because he was so out of it..."

"And don't think I'm not waiting for an explanation there kiddo – what have you Winchesters been doing to my baby brother?"

"Last time he spoke to you, you left him bruised and bleeding, what do you care?" Gabriel watched as anger filled Sam's eyes, although he kept the rest of his face as neutral as possible – _*kid could probably make a killing at poker,* _Gabriel thought wryly.

"A few scrapes he could easily heal. I'm not the reason he's unconscious."

"Unconscious? No, he's just sleeping..."

Confusion and panic broke through Sam's emotionless facade, and Gabriel couldn't help but wonder a little at the level of attachment the hunter had to his brother. Castiel wasn't just an ally, he was one of them now; even if this war killed him, he wouldn't die alone – he was a part of something in a way Gabriel hadn't been since before Lucifer fell, and it made the Archangel ache with want.

"Angels don't sleep, Sam. Not even when they're as low on Grace as Castiel is. He isn't in any immediate danger, but whatever caused it can't be allowed to happen again – I'm not sure he'd survive it."

The silence that followed this pronouncement was deafening. Sam's next question came a few minutes later.

"Can you help him?"

Apparently his own problems were easily forgotten in the face of the younger Angel's danger. His anger and mistrust pushed aside, pride swallowed entirely to beg help for his friend.

This was why Gabriel kept getting drawn back to the damn Winchesters. Once you were theirs there was nothing they wouldn't do for you, and his baby brother had earned a place alongside them, had earned a devotion he probably didn't even fully grasp yet.

"I don't know, Sammy. I can try, but the way Castiel is falling...it's never happened like this before. I don't know why it is now."

"It's like everything we touch falls to pieces," Sam whispered brokenly, "is he being punished for helping us?"

"Only by our dickhead brothers Sammy. I don't think Dad's weighing in yet."

A few more minutes passed in silence, before Gabriel snapped up some more hot chocolate and passed a mug over to Sam, who smiled slightly in thanks.

"So, souls show wear and tear, right?"

"Right. Yours though...yours was something else. The damage to your soul was more than enough to break most people Sam." Gabriel waved off Sam's attempted interruption. "Ah ah...just listen kid. You wanted the facts, so I'm giving them to you. Absolutely no sugar-coating, and I'll try and keep my opinions to myself for now and be objective."

He paused to sip his hot chocolate, searching for the right words.

"Right, so... imagine your soul when you're born is a white sheet...pure, brilliant white. Yours got itself a small red stain when you were six months old, not all over, just a spot in the corner, say. Since then it's been twisted, torn, stained and cut at, until it's a miracle it's even holding itself together. The really strange thing though Sammy, is that around the stains, between the cuts and the tears, your sheet is still that same pure white it was when you were born... Do you have any idea how rare it is, for a soul not to fade? Even Dean's an off-white these days..."

"Yeah, Hell'll do that to a person..." Gabriel ignored the muttered comment and carried on as if Sam hadn't spoken – there would be another time for that particular set of issues, they needed to stay on track or they'd run out of dream-time.

"...but you, you still have such strength and determination – you fall and you fall but you just keep picking your over-sized ass back up. It makes you sort of hard to ignore kiddo."

"So your saying that, what? My soul's fit to fall apart like a house of cards in a strong breeze?"

"Not anymore."

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

"Because you did something to me."

Sam struggled to keep his voice even, to keep his face expressionless. He hated feeling so powerless and vulnerable. He hated that he was being forced to rely on Gabriel for help. More than anything he hated how badly he _wanted_ to rely on Gabriel to help him.

The Archangel had called him strong, but that was crap. He wasn't strong. He'd screwed up and been tricked so many times already, and it was just a matter of time before he did something else that put everyone he cared about in danger, until he got more people hurt.

_*Focus!*_ he thought harshly. He couldn't afford to break down, he needed the rest of this explanation.

"I used my Grace to patch the tears up, to strengthen the damaged areas, and to wash away the stains."

"Wash away..." Sam trailed off, not quite willing to finish the thought. If he said it out loud and was wrong...

"All the stains, Sam. That was the kicker actually. It takes a lot of power to burn out demon blood – which, by the way, you had a lot less of than I was expecting. What happened to all the go-juice you were chugging down with that demon bitch?"

"Long story made up entirely of guesswork." Because he didn't fancy explaining right now that actually, there was a chance that God had been weighing in a little already. Especially not when Gabriel could contradict it and give them a whole new thing to worry about. It could wait.

"Ooookay...a story for later?" Gabriel drawled, giving Sam a curious look, head tilted slightly to one side. "Anywho...If I'd just patched up the holes you could've been on your merry way, but I never was one to do half a job. The amount of Grace it took to get rid of the taint cemented the bond before I even realised what had happened – I mentioned that it shouldn't even have been possible, right?"

"Yeah."

"There're gonna be a lot of details to figure out now though Sammy...and here's rule numero uno – anything even vaguely unexpected happens, you feel even slightly out of the ordinary, you tell me, straight away."

Sam guessed that made sense. If they didn't know what to expect it was best to keep an eye on everything. All the same...

"That goes both ways. If you figure out anything, you have to tell me – I won't be kept in the dark about something that involves me. And I won't lie to Dean and Cas either, so you're going to have to figure out some way to get along with them if you're hanging around."

"This whole thing started because I wanted on Team Winchester, Sammy, remember? I think I can play nice with the other kiddies," Gabriel replied with a smirk.

"You need to give me chance to explain it to them before you show up, too. You're not exactly Mr. Popularity at the moment."

"Yessir, Cap'n Sammy, Sir!" Gabriel answered with a quick and sloppy salute, grinning widely. "Now, on to the important things...we've had hot chocolate, I think it's time for toasted marshmallows you promised me – what say we pop to your cabin?"

Sam didn't even bother replying as he saw Gabriel's hand lift, fingers poised to snap. The next thing he knew, they were in front of the log fire, and Gabriel was offering him a skewer with two marshmallows stuck on the top.

Sam smiled and accepted it, turning to face the fire as he felt himself finally relax a bit.

Life had just got a whole heck of a lot more complicated, but he couldn't help hoping that in this case it was in their favour.


	8. No More Secrets

Author's note: A quick thank you to all the people who've reviewed *grins* I love reviews! Sorry about the delay with this chapter, my muse ran away - he's back now though, and chained to the computer ready for future chapters! Anywho...on with the story!

**Chapter 8**

Sam woke slowly, the sensation of it strange in the way that something almost forgotten tends to become.

For the second morning in a row he felt calm, rested...

Safe.

Raising his head off the pillow slightly, he glanced around the room, smiling softly as he saw Dean still slouched in the chair beside the second bed. The second bed which held a still sleeping – _*Unconscious,*_ he corrected himself worriedly – angel. His smile quickly faded.

Dean would never forgive himself if Castiel wasn't okay.

It wouldn't matter to Dean that Cas had probably known he was too weak to search for the demons before he'd done it – in the world of Dean Winchester there was only room for one martyr, and that was Dean Winchester.

It followed that anything that happened to Cas would be Dean's fault, and Sam felt a sudden rush of anger towards the angel – Castiel might not have cared what happened to him, but he knew Dean well enough that he should have known the hunter would blame himself. Dean had enough on his shoulders without adding to it.

Sam knew he wasn't being fair to Castiel, and so he resolutely pushed his anger aside. Worry returned with a vengeance – he hoped Gabriel would be able to help the younger angel.

Sitting up in the bed Sam scanned the room again, looking for any sign that the Archangel had been there.

He felt his smile return at the sight of a Styrofoam cup with steam rising up from it on the desk across the room. Standing, he crossed the room quickly and scooped it up. Taking a sip, he grinned in surprise at the sweet taste.

Not coffee this morning then. The thick, chocolatey liquid warmed him as he took slow sips, eyes resting on his brother again.

"Thanks Gabriel," he whispered, keeping his voice soft. He didn't want to wake Dean just yet – he needed a few more minutes, at least, before he was ready to face him.

He didn't know if the Archangel was still hanging around close by or not, but if he was then hopefully he would appreciate the acknowledgement. 'Thanks' was probably not something the trickster-angel heard very often, but Sam owed him a lot more than just a simple thank you.

The scale of what the Archangel had done to him, done for him, hadn't quite hit him yet – he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to fully grasp it – but he was grateful.

The problem was, of course, that Sam could think of no sure-fire way to convince Dean that they should trust Gabriel. Especially considering the whole Ruby debacle.

Sam's judgement was, in Dean's eyes, questionable at best.

Gabriel's history with them would be another problem – Sam would be lying if he didn't admit that _that_ was still holding him back a little too.

Total trust for the being who toyed with them, who tormented him for months on end in the worst possible way, who until very very recently had been set against them even if he hadn't been siding with Michael or Lucifer...it was asking a lot.

So it worried and confused him how much he _wanted_ to just give in and trust.

It would worry Dean too, if Sam told him that.

Finishing his drink, Sam sighed softly and walked over to wake his brother. He still had no idea what he was going to say, but it was past time he said something.

"Dean." Sam stood a few feet away as he spoke, out of reach in case Dean startled awake. "Dean, wake up…"

"Whu…Sammy…?" Dean blinked and rubbed at his eyes with one hand. "What's wrong? Cas…?" His gaze flashed to the unconscious angel in panic.

"He's fine – still out cold, but no worse than yesterday I think. I…I need to tell you something."

"Tell me what Sam?"

Sam tried not to let Dean's guarded eyes, or the wariness in his voice, hurt – he deserved it after all. It would be a long time before Dean trusted him again, and that was that.

"I know what kept Lucifer out of my head – – – Or rather, _who_…" Sam trailed off, trying to think of a way to explain without Dean going ballistic.

The story was long and Dean's patience…well, Dean had no patience left for Gabriel. Sam would really have his work cut out for him.

"Well are you gonna share with the class Sammy? Or are you waiting for me to guess?"

"Gabriel…it was Gabriel…he says he wants to help Dean – he might even…"

That was as far as Sam got before his brother exploded, jumping from the chair to crowd into the younger man's personal space. Sam had to force himself not to back away.

"Gabriel? What the hell, dude? Are you even listening to yourself? Don't you remember what he said last week?"

"If you'll just let me explain…"

"Explain? Yeah Sammy, you explain, because you've been such a stellar judge of character so far…"

"Look, I know I screwed up Dean, but you're gonna have to get past that eventually. I'm not claiming to be perfect, I'm not even claiming to be sure here, but I think we need to give him the benefit of the doubt…we need help, and like it or not he's the only one offering these days."

"We've got Cas…"

"Who's currently _unconscious_! Not asleep, Dean…unconscious! He needs help just as badly as we do – maybe even more. I know it's a risk, I get that…but it's a risk we can't afford _not_ to take. I'm not asking you to trust him, just…hear him out, please? If not for me then for Cas?"

Dean's eyes were glued to the angel, something like fear filling them as he listened to Sam.

The younger Winchester knew exactly what would be going through his brother's mind right now – he was almost certainly drowning in guilt and self-reproof, and warring with himself over whether Sam was right. Whether they could trust the Trickster to help them…to help Castiel.

Sam steeled himself before continuing – best to get it all out there, give Dean chance to vent all at once so that they could get to dealing with things properly.

"There's more."

He almost chickened out at the dark expression his brother turned on him, but pushed on after a moment.

"I…he turned up two days ago. I didn't know what to say yesterday…how to explain it…"

"More secrets, Sammy?"

Dean just sounded sad now, resigned…betrayed.

"When was I supposed to tell you?" Sam asked defensively. "Before I knew what the hell was going? When Cas was passing out? When you were sat by his bedside worried sick?"

"An archangel who wants us to hand over our bodies to homicidal maniacs turning up out of the blue is a _priority_ Sam…It's need to _fucking_ know information."

"What about an archangel who wants to help? What about an archangel who burned the damned demon blood out of my body? Who…"

"Who_ what?_"

Dean's question was quiet, his tone firm as he practically hissed the word between clenched teeth, cutting Sam off mid-tirade.

"Do you want the long version, the short version, or just that bit for now?"

"Let's start with the short version…"

Glad that Dean was finally willing to listen, Sam decided not to waste any time.

"He turned up while you were gone, and wouldn't listen when I told him to leave. He said he wanted to help, told me why when I asked. Then he told me a few home truths, dealt with my miniature nervous breakdown and kept Lucifer out of my head while I slept. He did it again last night, only this time we talked. Turns out while dealing with my breakdown, he also fixed a few things – including burning out the demon blood…all of it."

"Why? What's he got to gain?"

"His brothers' lives."

"Last week he was all set to sit by and watch…"

"Last week I couldn't see any other way, Dean-o."

"Sonuvabitch!" Dean exclaimed, spinning to face the new arrival.

Gabriel sat on the desk by the window, swinging his legs as he sucked on a red candy-cane.

"Now now Winchester…you really should be careful what you call my Father – he can have quite the temper at times…" Gabriel smirked.

"I asked you to wait…" Sam cut in, not wanting the two to get into a bickering match right now.

"I waited…you were taking too long Sammy." Gabriel pouted, his tone petulant.

He reminded Sam so much of an impatient child that the hunter had to swallow a grin, knowing Dean wouldn't understand the easy camaraderie he already felt with the angel – how could he when even Sam didn't understand it?

"Fine, you get to finish the explanation then."

"Sure thing Sasquatch. I'm gonna go with the short short version though, more important things to do than placate your brother, you know." Not giving either man a chance to respond, he continued. "I want to help, you need my help, Sam's demon-blood free and – hey Sammy, what day were you born?"

"Uh…Monday, I think?" Sam replied warily, glancing at Dean.

"Monday." The elder hunter confirmed with a nod, looking confused.

"Awww…there goes that joke! Why couldn't you have been born on a Tuesday? Oh well…anyways, mind terribly if I leave the longer explanations until later, Buck-o?" Gabriel asked, turning his head back towards Dean. "I need to try and save my brother's life right now."

Sam could tell the second Gabriel's words registered. Dean's face paled as his eyes shot once more to the prone angel.

"Save his life? You mean Cas…" He trailed off, almost not wanting to ask, afraid of the answer.

"In case you hadn't noticed, hanging out with Winchesters appears to be hazardous to your health these days Dean-o. Sammy, shut your brother up for five minutes please? I need to concentrate. Don't go far though, I might need your help."

Gabriel didn't wait for a reply as he snapped himself to Castiel's bedside, placing a hand gently on his brother's chest.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Dean couldn't tear his eyes off Cas – not even when he felt Sam tugging on his arm, pulling him to sit on the empty bed.

Cas had said he just needed to rest, hadn't he? He couldn't be dying…

Could he?

He watched as Gabriel placed his hand on the younger angel, and tensed. He didn't trust the archangel as far as he could throw him, and considering the little shit could disappear before he ever got a grip…yeah, he didn't trust him.

Sam's hand tightened on his arm, and he realised that he was half stood already, only his brother's grip stopping him from going over there and…

And what…? Protecting Castiel from a guy who could snap his fingers and send Dean to the freaking moon if he felt like it? Getting in the way?

Dean sat back down with a sigh. He _hated_ feeling so helpless.

"For the record? This is an unbelievably bad idea, and when he kills us all I'm totally saying I told you so. Repeatedly. Forever."

"Dean, enough… He's helping – just give the guy a chance, that's all I'm asking," Sam pleaded softly.

"Sammy I…look can we not do this right now? I'm still pissed at you, and I have every right to be, but I can't do this with Cas…with him…"

Dean cut himself off, swallowing harshly around the lump in his throat and ignoring the burning sensation in his eyes.

Gabriel was right – being around them was dangerous, no-one got out whole and unharmed. Their parents. Jess. Ash. Pamela. Adam. All dead. Bobby crippled.

They were a jinx, a curse…

And now Cas wasn't just cut off from Heaven…now Cas was dying because of them too.

So he really couldn't deal with Sam's issues right now.

"Yeah…okay Dean."

Sam sounded hurt, but damn it! What did he expect? That Dean would be happy he'd been lied to again? That his brother had gone behind his back _again_?

Dragging his hand down his face, Dean nudged Sam with his elbow.

"Bitch."

He watched Sam look up in surprise, before replying with a faint smile and his own elbow-dig.

"Jerk."

The tension lessened and Dean's focus drifted back to Cas, worry tearing at him. If he had just thought…why the _hell_ hadn't the stupid idiot told him he wasn't strong enough?

Once Gabriel fixed him, Dean was gonna kill him for being so freaking stupid!

"Winchester! Get your idiotic ass over here. You too Sammy."

Dean was on his feet before the archangel had even finished speaking, not waiting to see if Sam was following.


	9. Stupid, Stubborn, Clever Angels

I just wanted to say a quick thanks for all the awesome reviews! *grins* Love you guys! Also everyone who's put this on their alerts/favourites, thank you soo much! :-D Anywho, on with the story...

* * *

"What do you need?"

Well, to start with he could use a brother who wasn't completely insane.

Oh, Cas was a freaking _genius_, but that didn't exactly preclude him being a lunatic.

Gabriel had figured out why Castiel was falling so gradually. He'd also figured out what was killing him. It hadn't even taken that long, and while he would love to point out that yes, he really was just that awesome, it had probably had more to do with the fact that they were the same thing. He hadn't figured out _why_ it was killing him yet, but he figured two out of three wasn't bad for a few minutes work.

"Somewhere more secure than this – I'd set something up, but my mojo could interfere with what I'm gonna need to do. Is there somewhere we can go? Somewhere defensible, easily warded, preferably fairly secluded…"

"Bobby's…?" Sam suggested, looking to Dean for confirmation.

"You want to take _this guy_ to Bobby's?"

"If you've got a better idea…"

"Bobby'll probably try to shoot him."

"It's not like it'll hurt him."

"Which'll piss Bobby off and make him shoot him again."

Gabriel decided to speed things up a little. He could fix this, at least enough that Cas would live, but not for much longer…his brother's Grace was killing him, and the longer he was bound to it the lower his chance of recovery got.

The more he was exposed to any Grace at all the worse his chances got, actually – Gabriel was trying hard to hold back as much as he could, but the new bond he shared with Sam was making it difficult. He'd have to be careful to keep the young hunter away from the angel for now – the kid was leaking Grace all over the place thanks to him.

It was, in fact, probably that that had finally pushed Castiel past his limits and into the coma. Not that there was a snowball's chance in hell he was sharing that little fact with the Winchesters – they were way too fond of the self-blame game.

"Bobby sounds like a stand-up guy, I promise not to smite him if he shoots me…so, how far away does he live?"

"About an hour and a half, an hour if we push? We were on our way there when we heard about the demons in Concord…"

"Good – you two chuckleheads need to pack or can we go already? Cas doesn't have all day you know…"

"Dean, ring Bobby, tell him we're coming, then chuck our bags in the car. I'll grab the books."

"Tell Bobby we'll need a bed set up for Castiel. Lots of warm blankets," Gabriel added.

"Can't you just…you know…" Gabriel watched Dean snap his fingers with a raised eye-brow and sighed.

"You really did get all the brains, huh Sammy?"

"Hey!" He smirked at Dean's insulted cry.

"We have to go to Bobby's because too much mojo around Cassie right now would be bad. Snapping up a bed and blankets would be considered mojo, bucko. Make your phone call. Tell him to expect us in an hour."

Gabriel tuned Dean's response out, not really caring to hear the hunter gripe right now – he'd make the call, he was too worried about Castiel to ignore Gabriel, whatever his feelings were for the archangel. He faintly heard the door slam as the hunter went outside with the bags and his phone.

Reaching out with as much Grace as he dared, Gabriel poked gently at his brother again. Something was off – something other than the whole _dying_ thing – and he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah…?" the hunter responded distractedly, not bothering to look up from where he was carefully piling books into a cardboard box.

"Anything weird happen to Cas lately?"

"Define weird, dude…we practically live in the twilight zone these days."

"Touché…anything big then, unexpected…?"

"The antichrist turned him into a toy last month…"

"You met the antichrist…?

Sam looked up as he leaned back against the edge of the desk, pulling the flaps shut on the box and taping it up.

"Yeah – Cas tried to kill him, got turned into a tiny plastic statue. Demon turned up in the kids birth-mom, trying to recruit him, but he made the right choice in the end – exorcised the demon just by telling it to get out, which was impressive. The poor kid lost everything though…ran away to keep his parents safe, to get away from it all – we've got no idea where he went but he fixed Cas before he left."

"Right…"

If he hadn't already known Lucifer and Michael were trying to rush things with this apocalypse, this was proof enough – the antichrist was supposed to be a key player, not a scared kid trying to keep his family safe.

"Anything else?" Because, interesting as it was, that wasn't what he was sensing.

"Not that I can think of…you might wanna check with Dean though – they faced off against Raphael while I was gone a few months ago, he might've done something."

"Raphael…?"

"Yeah, that's why we already had holy oil handy. I don't think he did anything this time, but Dean'd know for sure perhaps?"

"Okay, later I'm gonna whip us up some more hot chocolate and you're gonna fill me in on all these interesting little stories kiddo – – – wait, what do you mean, _this time_?"

"Oh, uh…when I…when Lucifer got out, Cas sent Dean to try and keep me from killing Lilith. He stayed at Chuck's to try and distract the Host. Raphael…he killed him."

"You mean he sent him home? Pulled him outta his vessel?"

"No, I mean blew him up…Chuck was picking teeth out of his hair."

"Raphael _smote_ Castiel?"

"Uh…yeah? I mean, if that's what you call it…"

That was certainly what it sounded like, with one exception.

Angels who've been smote by an Archangel don't, as a general rule, tend to be around to tell the tale.

"Did Castiel happen to mention how he wasn't dead?"

"He had an idea – he thought perhaps it was the same thing that got me and Dean out of that convent when Lucifer was rising and put us on a plane…"

Sam trailed off, his eyes dropping to the floor nervously.

There was something the hunter really didn't want to say, obviously.

"Which was…?"

"God. Cas thought God brought him back, and saved us – cleaned out enough of the demon blood from my system to remove the cravings, too, which is why there wasn't more when you, you know, did your…thing. We don't know for sure if he's right, but – well, we don't know anything else powerful enough, and no-one's taking credit, so…"

Silence fell as Sam trailed off, and for once Gabriel felt absolutely no urge to fill it.

If what Sam said was true, then his Father wasn't as indifferent as his brothers – and Gabriel himself – had been assuming.

Sam was right about one thing – there was nothing else powerful enough to bring an angel back, not anymore. The Archangels could have done it, once – all four of them at full power _could_ have managed it working together. Now…now there was only Dad.

"Castiel's vessel…"

"Jimmy," Sam supplied.

"…his soul is gone. Dad didn't bring him back with Cassie."

That was what felt off, he realised.

That was also the elusive _why_.

Why what Castiel had done was killing him.

"Is that bad? I mean, the one time we met Jimmy it didn't seem like he enjoyed being a vessel much…"

"If you didn't have me it'd be very bad, kiddo – it's part of what's killing him. In this instance though, it's just about the best thing that could've happened, because I can fix it – I can save his life and hopefully his Grace too, if we're quick."

As Sam moved to the door carrying the box of books, Gabriel called after him.

"Send your brother in to carry Cas out to the car Sammy."

"I can…"

"No. We can't, me or you. Too much Grace, we need to limit his exposure. Send Dean-o in, 'kay?"

"Sure."

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Dean wanted to know what the _hell_ was going on, and he wanted to know _**now**_.

His questions had been waved off in the motel room, and again when they loaded up the car. Now though…

Now they were in the car, and since Gabriel seemed reluctant to use his mojo for some reason, Dean could finally force the conversation.

"Hey, winged-wonder! Talk. What's wrong with Cas?"

Dean shot him a look in the rear-view mirror.

Gabriel was sitting in the back seat with Cas laid across the rest of it, his head in the Archangel's lap. The smaller man didn't even raise his head as he began speaking – he just kept staring down at his brother.

If he didn't know better, he'd swear the guy actually cared.

"He's a stubborn, stupid sonuvabitch."

Gabriel's comment was more exasperated than insulting – he sounded like Dean when he called Sam a geek…half derision, half fond gratitude.

It was strange.

It also wasn't the answer Dean had been looking for.

"That's all well and good, Chuckles," because, really? He couldn't argue with stubborn or stupid – the damn angel should've told him there was something wrong! "But that's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Do you know why Mikey and Luci haven't just killed your respective asses and moved themselves into your vacant bodies?"

"Because that would be no fun for anyone and they love torturing us?"

"While that is probably true – in Luci and Zach's cases, anyway…Mikey was always too uptight to really get much into the whole torture scene – that's not why, bucko."

"Angels can't inhabit dead bodies, can they?" Sam said slowly, turning slightly to face the archangel.

"Tell me why and you get a gold star and a lollypop, Sammy!" Gabriel grinned, pulling a red lolly from his pocket.

Dean wouldn't be surprised if he produced a gold star from somewhere as well.

"They need a vessel with a soul in it…?" Sam replied slowly, his face scrunched up slightly in thought. "You mentioned that Jimmy's is gone, and said that was part of the problem, right? So it's obviously important – an empty vessel is probably too…weak?"

Dean watched Sam catch the candy as Gabriel tossed it towards the front of the car.

"Beauty and brains, aye Sammy?"

_*He's looking after Cas. You're driving. He could be really useful in the future if he sticks around… He's looking after Cas…*_

Dean clenched the steering wheel tightly as he recited reasons not to kill Gabriel for hitting on his baby brother.

"The human soul acts as a sort of cushion, a filter to keep the raw energy of our Grace away from the delicate flesh of our vessel. When dear old Dad brought Cassie back – I mentioned that it was definitely him right? No-one else it could've been, in case you were still wondering – anyways, when he brought him back, he didn't bring Jimbo back…not quite sure why, before you ask…which means that for the last half a year of so his Grace has been slowly killing his vessel."

"How? He's not exactly got a lot of juice left these days…"

"Just because he can't use it, doesn't mean it's not there Dean-o. He's got every drop he ever had, he's just too weak to access it."

"So he's not falling…?" Not that dying was an _improvement_, exactly, but still…

"He should've been – Castiel's an inventive little bastard though. There's no way he didn't know he was alone in there when he came back, but apparently he didn't waste any time crying over that particular glass of spilled milkshake. He bound himself to his vessel, to keep himself from falling – if he hadn't, he'd have been human within a matter of hours. The vessel would've rejected his Grace almost immediately."

"But if it's killing him then why…"

"He's died for you idiots once, you think he wouldn't do it again?" Gabriel's tone turned snappish and Dean blanched.

Cas had been dying since he got back, had _known_ he was dying all this time, and hadn't said a word?

"You Winchesters are a bloody bad influence, you know, with all your self-sacrificing bull." The humour was back as he looked up to flash a wry grin at the brothers. "Good thing I have a good survival instinct, or I might be worried."

"Can you fix it?"

"I can save his life, if we hurry. How much more I can do depends on a lot of things, but his life…that I can save."

As he spoke Gabriel glanced back down, running his hand lightly through Castiel's hair.

Watching him in the rear-view mirror again, Dean felt a pang of compassion for the Archangel holding his dying brother in his arms – Asshole or not, no-one deserved that.

Deciding he knew enough, Dean kept silent and reached over to switch the radio on instead. Noting the empty highway ahead, he pressed his foot a little harder on the gas, and wished he had the option of praying.


	10. Desperate Measures

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You guys are all awesome! Remember - reviews feed the muse, and a well-fed muse keeps his author awake half the night writing updates! *grins*

* * *

They were less than five minutes from Bobby's when it happened.

"Stop the car."

Dean glanced in the rear-view mirror as Sam turned to face the archangel in the back seat.

"We're nearly there dude…"

"_Stop the car_."

Dean slowed to a stop at the side of the road and fixed his gaze on Gabriel.

"Well?"

"If I said there was trouble ahead, that under no circumstances can we go to Bobby's, what would you do?"

"Trouble? What's wrong Gabe? Is Bobby okay…?"

Sam trailed off and Dean noticed Gabriel going for the door handle.

He slid from under Cas, lowering him carefully to the seat as he climbed to stand beside the car, and before either of them could say another word, Gabriel was talking.

"Probably not, no – Dean, get them out of here now. As far as you can as fast as you can. I'll do what I can for your friend, you look after my brother."

Dean stared open-mouthed as the door slammed shut, before leaning out through his open window.

"What the hell…?"

"Unless you go right now, Castiel is going to die."

Gabriel spoke slowly, his tone precise and hard.

"I might be able to save you two idiots, and your friend, but it would mean killing my baby brother. He can't be here – _get them __**gone! NOW!**_"

Dean had to fight to avoid cowering away from the smaller man – who he currently had no problem at all believing to be one of Heaven's most terrifying weapons, despite his small stature.

The elder hunter was many things, but he wasn't stupid. He knew desperate when he heard it, and Gabriel was desperate with a capital D. He didn't know what was going on, but something was wrong enough that Gabriel was worried.

The engine was running again before he even realised he'd decided to trust the Archangel.

As he turned the car, getting ready to head back the way they'd come, Gabriel called out to them.

"Yeah?"

"If this goes badly…if I can't help him? There's a demon named Crowley – he knows someone who should be able to do something. Him and 'Zira are the good guys – they don't much care for the upper management above or below anymore, I bet they'd just _love_ Cassie!"

"Gabe, what're you…"

"Sammy, don't, 'kay? I'm sorry – just…Dean, I'll try and prevent any backlash, but your brother might need help too, worst comes to worst. Look after them."

"Always." Because he might not like the guy, but this wasn't the time for that crap.

Dean might not know what was going on, but he got that it was bad, and he knew when to shut up and do as he was asked.

"Now _go_!"

Without further hesitation Dean hit the gas and the car raced back down the highway.

He watched in the rear-view mirror as Gabriel began running in the opposite direction at a speed that Dean guessed would probably put most professional athletes to shame.

Once he was out of sight, Dean turned to glance at his brother.

"So Sammy, care to explain what Gabriel's last remark was all about?"

"That would be part of that longer story you got the short version of earlier…"

His brother sounded worried and distracted, but Dean pushed ahead. If something did happen, he needed to know what was going on so he would know _how_ to help Sam, after all.

"Well, now I want the longer version then."

"Burning the demon blood out was a lot more complicated than I made it sound…"

"Obviously, or Cas would've suggested it ages ago."

"…It had side-effects…"

Dean listened as he drove, and if his hands gripped the wheel a little tighter, or his foot tried to force the gas pedal through the floor – well, at least he wasn't interrupting or cursing or yelling, right?

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Gabriel watched as Dean sped off, before turning and running as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

Damn those Winchesters anyway.

He shouldn't be doing this – it wasn't going to end well for anyone. Especially him.

He'd been sure his survival instinct was better than this.

The problem was, of course, that without using his Grace and risking Cas, he had no way of making them do what he said. They wouldn't have left Bobby even if he'd taken the time to explain things, and that meant that to save Castiel, he had to go get himself killed by his brother and instead trust the younger angel's survival to two humans, a bookshop-owning angel, and his demon boyfriend.

Fan-freaking-tastic!

As he drew closer to the salvage yard, he realised that the grace he'd been tracking was actually six distinct grace signatures – he didn't know whether to sigh in relief or groan in dismay.

On the one hand, Lucifer he could've perhaps reasoned with – especially with Sam and Dean already out of reach (assuming the other angel wasn't too pissed about the whole dream thing with Sam that was…).

Luci wasn't an idiot after all…he would've seen that it wasn't worth risking losing, not with nothing to be gained by victory beyond a dead younger brother.

Six unknown angels though…depending on who it was…

There were very few who knew he was still alive, and even fewer who wouldn't love the chance to change that – runaways weren't exactly popular after all.

Yup, he might not be up against big bro, but he was almost certainly still completely screwed.

He rounded the turning into the salvage yard, slowing to a walk as he took it all in.

Empty.

They were waiting inside then. He drew his sword slowly, hid it up his sleeve, and headed for the door – there was no sense in trying to be sneaky, even with his Grace under wraps like it was they would've felt him coming by now. They might not know what they were picking up, but they would've felt _something_.

He grabbed the door handle, took a breath, and pushed.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

"Run ya idjits! It's a tra…"

The shout cut off abruptly with a pained cry.

Before he could take more than one step in the direction the shout had come from, the voice sounded again.

"I swear to God, I'll kick your asses so hard you touch one hair on those boys' heads!"

Okay. So, Bobby had guts. He could definitely see why the Winchesters liked him so much. It took a lot of guts to stand there and threaten six angels.

Gabriel rounded the corner into the room the voice had come from, and stopped short.

It took a lot of guts to stand there and threaten six angels.

It took an insane amount of guts to do it from a freaking wheelchair.

He found himself grinning slightly as all heads rounded to look at him.

"What the hell are you doing here? Angels working with Tricksters now? Damned evil sons of bitches…"

"Enough," one of the angels – Zachariah…? Well, hadn't he just gone and gotten all full of himself then? – said, waving a hand dismissively and sending the human flying from his chair into the wall.

"You think you're the first piece of piss to throw me into a wall? Idjit! I ain't listening to a word you got to say, not in my house!"

Gabriel's grin widened – he liked this guy. He liked this guy a lot.

He was freaking suicidal, but hey, everyone had their flaws…

Of course Bobby probably didn't realise the archangel was the cavalry, given their last encounter, so that might explain it a little…he probably figured he was dead anyway, so why not go down mouthing off at the bad guys since throwing punches was out.

It was a good plan as far as it went, but hopefully they could keep it as a plan B for now.

"And who might you be?" Zachariah asked, smiling mock-politely. As if he wasn't choking a guy pinned against the wall two feet off the ground as he spoke.

"Me? Oh I'm your friendly neighbourhood Trickster…just popped in to sort out some business."

"And what business would _your kind_," the words were spat out like an insult, "have with a hunter then?"

"What? Oh, no, you misunderstand – my business isn't with him, it's with you. So if you wouldn't mind releasing our friend over there and leaving – well, I'd really appreciate it."

Gabriel smiled serenely, and readied himself for an attack.

"Why would we do that? Do you even know _who_ we are?"

"Let's see…hmmm…you're fat, bald and stupid, and they're your evil minions?"

Out of the corner of his eye Gabriel saw the hunter's eyes widen comically in shock – or possibly because of the choking…yep, looked like that was becoming a problem…

"Ramiel, Tahariel…deal with this insect."

Gabriel forced back the memories that bubbled up upon hearing the names, and readied himself even as he half whispered a soft "Please don't…"

Zachariah's victorious smirk was the only acknowledgement he received, no doubt adopted at what he likely assumed was Gabriel begging for mercy.

The angels set upon him, and he raised his hands, allowing his sword to drop from his sleeve at the last second to sink into the chest of one of his brothers.

He wrenched it free and spun, not watching the empty vessel as it fell, concentrating on the slightly warier angels now circling him – apparently the other three hadn't taken too kindly to Ramiel's death, and were now joining the attack unordered.

One of them – he realised with a pang that it was Shemael – pulled her sword and leapt for him suddenly.

He dodged to the side and threw her into the wall with enough force to shake the house. He didn't want to kill them…if he could just injure them enough, buy enough time to get Bobby out…

He side-stepped another attack, only to catch a sword through his side from behind. He pulled free with a hiss, and glanced down in shock at the blood that ran freely from the wound.

Of course – his Grace was supressed – it wasn't going to close, not until he released it…

Wincing he dodged another handful of strikes before Tahariel got lucky this time, landing a swipe across his shoulder that made his non-sword arm hang uselessly down the side of his body.

If he kept this up, he wouldn't win.

Steeling himself, Gabriel struck out repeatedly, rapidly, and within a minute only Zachariah remained.

He stood as impassive as ever, seemingly uncaring that he'd just gotten five of his brothers killed – Gabriel winced at the thought…his hands were stained, and they were never coming clean again…

"Impressive. I have to wonder though – where would a Trickster get a sword like that? And why would you risk yourself for a lowly _hunter_, of all things?"

"It's not important. Let him go – you've seen what I'm capable of…"

Gabriel let the threat hang in the air.

He hoped Zachariah was still the same coward he'd always been. His wounds were bleeding more sluggishly now, but he knew that was due more to lack of blood than any healing he might hope for.

It hadn't been long enough yet, that was the problem. They were still too close. When Gabriel released his grace it was going to explode like a pressure valve suddenly opened, and if that hit Sam… If that hit Cas through Sam…

So he couldn't risk it, and now he was going to bleed to death for brothers he'd ended up killing anyway.

"Hmmm…looking at you – did you know you're swaying by the way?"

Was he? Oh crap, that wasn't good…

"Looking at you, I think I quite like my chances. You have Castiel's sword and you're protecting the hunter – the Winchesters aren't coming are they?"

"No."

"Pity…they're ruining my reputation back home, you know. Guess I'll have to make do with their pseudo-daddy instead for now then."

Gabriel watched as his brother turned to face Bobby. The hunter's face was almost purple, and his hands clawed helplessly at his neck as Zachariah grinned evilly.

He tuned out whatever the angel was saying – it wasn't important.

It made him physically sick, to know that this is what his brothers had come to in his absence. How were they any different from Lucifer?

_*Focus!*_

Apparently blood-loss was bad for your concentration…who knew?

_*And again…focus!*_

Bobby was going to die, unless he did something _**now.**_

He took a step forward, and froze as he felt the world tilt dangerously. He was in no shape to fight Zach – he'd lose in less time than it took him to blink.

He had only one option left, but _they were still __**too close**_.

_*Shit!*_

He couldn't wait – Bobby would be dead if he waited, and Cas would never forgive him for letting him live at that kind of cost.

_*Double Shit! I am __**so**__ sorry, brother…*_

"Excuse me?"

He spoke up, cutting Zachariah off in the middle of what sounded like an utterly clichéd evil monologue.

"Aren't you dead yet?" Zach asked impatiently.

"Not quite Zachariah."

The shock on Zach's face at hearing his name was a picture. He was probably trying to figure out how some nobody Trickster recognised him.

"I think I remember telling you to let him go… Oh and this sword? Not Castiel's."

"But then whose…?"

The other angel's confusion was hilarious to watch.

"Oh of course!" He exclaimed, summoning up energy he didn't have to put some life into his voice. "How rude of me! I didn't even introduce myself when Bobby got my name _all __**wrong**_!"

The hunter's eyes narrowed in suspicion, even as he struggled to breathe.

"You can call me Gabriel," he finished, voice hard and cold, any trace of mirth gone.

He smirked with pride as Zach's eyes widened and his mouth fell open in a stuttered "What…?"

"You kiddies have been misbehaving while me and Dad have been away, haven't you Zachy? It's time for you to have a time-out."

Without pausing to think twice – he wasn't sure he'd be able to do it if he did – Gabriel loosed his Grace, and concentrated it all into one thought.

Zachariah began to glow brightly even as he edged quickly backwards, the light getting brighter and brighter until he burnt from the inside, crumbling into ash along with the other empty vessels as Gabriel whispered a blessing for the vessels' souls.

He pulled his Grace back quickly and harshly, tamping it back down as far as he could.

_*Please Dad… please don't let me have just killed one of the only decent brothers I've got! Please be alive Cas!*_

A dull thud echoed through the silent room as Bobby slouched to the floor at the base of the wall, drawing Gabriel out of his thoughts.

He looked down, only to realise that he was still bleeding sluggishly – _*Crap! Probably should've done something about that when I had the chance…*_ – and swayed slightly on his feet.

Spotting the phone on the wall, he staggered across to grab it, throwing it at an awestruck Bobby Singer.

"Call them! **Now!** Get them here, and ask them…" his voice shook as it trailed off, and he sank to the floor against the wall.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he continued.

"Ask them if he's still breathing."


	11. Aftermath

You're all so awesome with the reviews! *grins* Thanks so much! :-D

* * *

"So basically dude, you're like…Angel-married? To the Trickster?"

Sam wasn't sure what to make of Dean's reaction.

"Uh…sort of…?"

"Sammy, I've gotta hand it to you – you don't do anything by halves! I'm not sure whether to laugh or kill the bastard."

The anger that had coloured a lot of their recent conversations was completely absent from Dean's tone.

He didn't know exactly what kind of reaction he'd been expecting, but this almost easy acceptance hadn't been it.

"Laughing's probably better for your health and long-term survival, if that helps…?"

Dean chuckled dryly at that, not answering.

"You're not angry."

Sam wasn't sure if he wanted an answer, so it came out as a statement rather than a question.

"It wouldn't matter if I was, this thing is pretty permanent from what you've said."

"It matters to me Dean."

Dean was being level-headed about the situation – if Sam hadn't already known it was the apocalypse, that would've confirmed it.

"Don't push Sammy, this is _not_ the time for a chick flick moment."

"When is it ever the time? I just…I need to know where you stand on this Dean. Like you said, it's pretty permanent, which means Gabe's probably gonna be around a lot…I mean, if he doesn't…"

_*…get killed.*_

Which was a stupid thought, right? Gabriel was an Archangel – they weren't exactly easy to kill…

Except Sam couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

It might've had something to do with the fact that his side had been aching sharply for the last couple of minutes, and he was feeling decidedly lightheaded.

_*Yup – something's definitely not right.*_

He should probably say something soon…

"Fine, you really want to know what I think? I think the whole shitty situation sucks ass, Sammy. I think something good finally happened, and it's about to be torn apart and it's not fucking fair. So until the shit hits the fan can we please forget it and relax for five seconds?"

"Something good…?"

"You're free of the demon blood. You've got a freaking Archangel on your shoulder for the rest of his life. We've got a way to help Cas. As much as I don't like the guy, all of that is thanks to Gabriel. Right now he's off trying to save Bobby – a hunter who, the one time they met, tried to kill him – from his dickhead brothers so that we can get Cas somewhere safe. You heard him when he left Sammy…he didn't think he was coming back and he went anyway, for his baby brother… So yeah, I'm having a hard time being pissed that you're stuck bonded to the guy."

Sam was…shocked would be a good word for it, he supposed. Although, when he thought about it, it sort of made sense that this was what it would take for Dean to accept him.

Gabriel was finally being something Dean could understand, could relate to.

All manner of sins were forgiven because Gabriel was trying to be a good big brother.

Sam opened his mouth to respond, but was blindsided by a white hot burst of pain through his shoulder, causing him to double up with a gasp.

"Sammy?"

"M'fine…s'not me…think it's Gabriel," he managed to force out through clenched teeth.

The pain faded to a dull ache to match the one in his side, but his entire arm felt numb now, useless.

"He's hurt, Dean…badly. I can feel it…"

"What? How?"

"It's like…I don't know, phantom pains or something – and dizziness…it was only a bit at first, but now I can barely focus, I'm so lightheaded. It's weird though, because at the same time, I _know_ I'm fine. I think…Dean, I think he's losing."

Black spots danced in his vision now, and combined with the motion of the car it made his stomach heave.

_*Dean'll kill me if I throw up in his baby!*_ he thought hysterically.

"Shit!"

Dean thumped the steering wheel.

"_Shit!"_

It took Sam a second to realise that Dean had only spoken once. The second curse had come from someone else.

"_Double shit! I am __**so**__ sorry, brother…"_

Gabriel.

He could hear Gabriel.

But why was he apologising…?

All of a sudden Sam's head cleared, his arm and side lost the numbness, and he realised what was happening.

Gabriel was drawing away from him, away from the bond, before he did whatever he was about to do. He was trying to prevent the backlash he'd warned Dean to watch out for.

And he was apologising to Cas…

"Shit!"

This time it was Sam cursing.

"Pull over Dean…pull over _now!_"

Dean didn't ask questions, just did as Sam asked, skidding to a stop alongside the road.

"Sammy…?"

"Get Cas out of the car; Gabriel…he's out of time, and if Cas needs help, you'll need room."

As he spoke, Sam was already climbing out of the passenger-side door.

"Take him in the opposite direction to me – I don't know what'll happen to the grace in me when he does it…if it reacts too it'll hurt Cas. It won't hurt me, before you argue," – Because Dean had definitely been about to argue – "so just worry about Cas, please?"

With that Sam took off running away from the car as fast as he could go. He hoped Dean listened.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Dean skidded the car to a halt and turned to look at Sam questioningly.

He copied his brother's movements, climbing out of the car, and moved to the rear door as Sam kept talking.

When Sam said he didn't know how the grace in him would react Dean wanted to argue – it could hurt his brother, he needed to stay close so Dean could help him…

Sam claimed it wouldn't hurt him, but Dean didn't know whether to believe him. Did Sam know, or was he just saying what he knew Dean needed to hear?

He watched without a word as his brother ran back down the road, and cursed whichever son of a bitch had caused this situation.

Shaking his head, he quickly pulled open the door, and grabbed Cas under the shoulders. He dragged him carefully back until he had more room, then manoeuvred him around to get a better grip as he hoisted him up into his arms.

Walking a few feet from the car, he placed Cas carefully on a soft patch of grass and laid him out flat.

Now what?

He glanced up to see how far away Sam was – Damn kid better not have been lying about being okay!

That was when everything went to hell.

He saw Sam's figure in the distance, running in long strides down the road.

Then the figure crumpled to the ground out of sight.

Before he had even half-risen from the ground, Castiel began jerking on the ground, his body seizing uncontrollably.

"Fuck! Sammy, you better be alright!"

Dean did his best to still the angel's movements as worry for his friend and his brother fought for dominance in his head.

When Castiel suddenly fell still he breathed a sigh of relief, before realising that the figure on the ground next to him was _too_ still.

Cas wasn't breathing.

Dean's hand shot to the angel's neck, feeling for a pulse he knew he wouldn't find.

"Don't you fucking dare! Not now! Come on Cas!" Dean shouted as he leaned over his friend, pressing his hands firmly against his chest.

He didn't know what had happened, but if Dean could just get his heart beating again…just get him breathing again…well then there was still a chance that Gabriel's friends could do something.

Music that he vaguely recalled was his cell ringing was quickly dismissed as unimportant.

Dean's vision blurred as he worked, the faint splashes dropping onto his hands from his eyes ignored.

So what if he was fucking crying.

Cas was dying…hell, until he got him breathing again, Cas was _**dead**_! He deserved to have someone who cared enough to cry over him, even if there was no way on earth Dean was letting him stay dead.

The stuttered wheeze that escaped the angel was music to Dean's ears.

The steady breath that followed it, the ones that followed that, were better than any symphony ever written, and Dean gulped back a sob of relief.

He checked the Angel's pulse and, finding it strong and steady, pushed himself to his feet and spun, running blindly towards his brother. His hands rubbed at tear filled eyes, trying to clear his vision as he went.

_*If you're dead I'll fucking kill you Sammy! Please be okay, please be okay…*_

He skidded to a stop on his knees alongside his brother's prone form, ignoring the burn where tarmac wore through thin denim to scrap his skin bloody.

Sam's eyes stared dazedly up at him, and his hand reached out to grab Dean's sleeve.

"Cas…?" He forced out, his face a mask of pain.

Half unconscious in the middle of the highway, in agony by the looks of it, and all he wanted to know was if Castiel was okay.

Dean choked back another sob at the thought that this was _Sammy_…not Sam, who'd run off with Ruby and lied and kept secrets and freed the freaking devil, who'd left Dean alone again after it, who hated and fought and was just so angry at everything. It was _Sammy_…his baby brother who never once thought of himself first, who cared about everyone around him and believed that they could fix what was broken in the world and stop the monsters…

Gabriel had helped give him back Sammy, and he was never going to be able to repay the Archangel for it.

"Alive, for now…shit Sammy! You scared me to death! Are you…is he…?"

"I think he's still alive, but if what I'm feeling is only a shadow…"

Sam was cut off by the ringing of Dean's cell, and the elder hunter pulled it from his pocket quickly.

"Bobby…?"

[_About bloody time boy! Why weren't you idjits answering your damn phones?_]

"Oh thank fuck! You're not dead! Is Gabriel…?"

[_He's here…later you're gonna explain why I got a Trickster claiming he's an Archangel in my living room. You boys okay?_]

"We're alive. Ask Gabe if it's safe for us to come back? Cas' heart stopped – I don't think he can wait much longer Bobby…"

[_He says to get your idjit asses back here on the double!_]

"Gotcha…we're on the way."

Dean ended the call quickly before reaching out to grab Sam's shoulder.

"Wait here Sammy, I'll grab Cas and the car and come get you. Your Archangel's alive and kicking – looks like he really pulled us outta the shit this time dude."

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

"They're on the way, and all still alive – barely, in the angel's case, but alive is alive."

He didn't miss the way the Trickster's shoulders sagged that little bit lower at the news, all tension disappearing from his bloody form in a sigh of what he could only assume was relief.

Bobby's throat was killing him.

Still he'd take that over dead any day – it had been a close thing, that was for sure.

"Not that I don't appreciate you saving my ass, but why are you here?"

Oh, he'd put two and two together and got that Dean's 'extra help' was the Trickster – who apparently wasn't a Trickster after all – but he still hadn't figured out _why_ the self-proclaimed Archangel freaking Gabriel was swooping down to save his miserable hide from Zach and his goon squad, or why he'd been posing as a Trickster before, for that matter…

"Hadta keep Cas safe, keep Sam safe…" Gabriel mumbled softly. "Gotta look after baby brother, Deano knows…"

Bobby might not know much about angelic physiology, but even he knew it probably wasn't a good thing that the other man sounded drunk, or that he appeared to still be bleeding.

He eyed his chair, halfway between him and the Trickster, and gave a sigh as he pitched forward and began dragging himself towards it.

Once he was settled, he made short work of fetching the first aid kit from the bathroom, before wheeling over to Gabriel.

"Can ya stand?"

"Hmmm…?"

The bleary stare directed up at him was in no way confidence-inducing.

"Can ya get up, ya idjit? Yer bleedin' all over my floor, and I can't exactly kneel down there to fix ya up."

"Bleeding?"

He glanced down and seemed surprised to see blood still leaking slowly from his wounds.

"Tha'splainsit…never been this tired before…mus'be th'blood loss…"

Not that he hadn't already been useful, but this was their 'extra help'? He couldn't even help Bobby help him, let alone be any use to Dean's angel when they got here…

Sighing heavily, Bobby pulled open the first aid kit and started working on the shoulder wound, since that was mostly in reach.

He worked in silence, glancing up only when Gabriel spoke.

"Bobby, right? Think we might have a problem here – f'got to fix my vessel when I took out Zach."

The words were spoken slowly, formed carefully as if it was taking all the man's concentration. Bobby listened quietly as he worked.

"You said Cas was barely alive, what does barely mean Bobby? What happened when I ki…killed Zachy?"

He ignored the way the archangel stumbled over the word.

"Dean said his heart stopped," he replied softly.

"Definitely can't risk it again then…I'll have to bleed and bear it, huh Singer?"

"You bleed much more and you'll have bigger worries than fixing Castiel, boy."

"You do know I'm millions of years older than you, right?"

"Idjit."

Bobby pulled the bandage he been wrapping tight, before glancing down at the wound in Gabriel's side.

He was pleasantly surprised to find that while he'd been working the angel had pulled a tea towel from the heater behind him and was attempting to staunch the bleeding some.

"Can you stand? I can't reach your side down there."

"Not sure…" The man looked up at him with a smirk. "Guess we'll find out!"

With that he grabbed onto the arms of Bobby's chair and pulled himself up, dropping the towel in the process.

"You might wanna work fast – I'm gonna need my strength when they get here."

"Jus' hold still, boy – dunno how you got any strength left, anyhow. Thought you were at death's door earlier, all that nonsense you were mumbling…"

"You and me both old man…still, you know what they say about gift horses…" he broke off in a wince as Bobby pressed a pressure bandage to the stab wound.

"They got bloody ugly mouths and they'll bite ya in the ass if ya stare?"

A snort of laughter burst free from the archangel and Bobby grinned. The guy wasn't too bad when he wasn't actively trying to kill you.

"Precisely. You 'bout done? Think maybe I need to sit before the room starts doing loops around my head again…"

"Baby!" Bobby snarked softly. "Fine, fine, yer wrapped – sit down b'fore ya fall down, idjit."

Gabriel fell back against the wall and slumped to the floor, before looking up with a tired smirk.

"How do I look, old man?"

"A bloody mess, boy. Literally."

Gabriel closed his eyes with a chuckle, and Bobby turned his attention to dressing the gash on his arm from his flight into the wall.

They sat in silence as the minutes stretched on, each preparing to deal with the next batch of problems that were coming in their own way.

When the unmistakable sound of the Impala's engine rumbled to a halt outside, and Bobby headed for the door, glancing over his shoulder when he heard footsteps behind him.

"Sure you should be up?"

"No, but they don't need to know that. Cas can't wait."

Bobby found himself pinned with a look that dared him to argue, and for once he felt absolutely no desire to challenge it.

He chuckled hoarsely – his throat hurt like a bitch! – as he considered how similar Dean and the archangel were…where baby brothers were concerned at least.

"Fine – just don't blame me when ya fall on yer face. Idjit!"


	12. Strength

Thanks for all the awesome reviews! Sorry about the long wait, RL's been crazy busy :-D

* * *

**Chapter 12**

"I've got Cas - you help Sammy."

Dean was already leaning into the back of the Impala to get a grip on Cas when he heard footsteps approaching slowly, followed by the crunch of gravel beneath the wheels of Bobby's chair.

"Sure thing Dean-o!"

There were more footsteps, then the sound of the car door opening. Dean didn't even glance up from his task, although his chest clenched tightly at Sam's pained groan.

The conversation passed almost unheard around him as he focused on getting Cas out of the car.

"He okay?"

"He should be – just a little drained, maybe mild shock…shit, Sammy, you look like hell…m'sorry…" Gabriel's voice trailed off into a whisper.

"Dean's angel needs the bed, right? You can lay Sam on the couch for now."

"Sure thing, old man. See you inside Dean-o…don't take too long, we're short on time."

A minute later and Dean was twisting around, arms full of angel, to see Bobby on the front porch holding the door open.

"What're you waiting for kid? An engraved invitation? Get yer ass in here! Put the angel on my bed – didn't get chance to make up the guest room, what with the invasion of winged psychopaths and all."

"Winged psychopaths…?"

Dean hefted Cas a little higher as he spoke, before making his way up to the house.

"Zachariah and five other angels – your new friend seemed to know a couple of them. Turned up about a minute after you rang…"

"Zach? Shit, I'm gonna kill that sonuvabitch!"

"Too late - short and cocky in there took care of him – he really who he says?"

"Gabriel?" Dean just barely managed to hold back the scornful tone that begged to be heard – just because the guy was being helpful didn't make them BFFs, but Dean wasn't stupid. Sam was right – they needed help, Gabriel was offering, and so far was doing a pretty decent job. "Yeah, Cas recognised him…what do you mean, took care of him?"

"I mean after taking out the other five, he lit up like a Christmas tree and burned Zachariah to a crisp."

"He killed them?"

"You gone slow or somethin' boy? Yeah, that's what I said ain't it?"

By now they'd reached the bedroom, and Dean lay Cas down carefully as he nodded silently in reply.

Gabriel had killed six of his brothers to save Bobby. To save them and Cas.

Dean wasn't sure how he felt about that, to be perfectly honest.

Sure, they were evil sons of bitches, but they were still his brothers. Brothers he knew by sight, from what Bobby had said.

Dean pushed the thought aside – he didn't have time right now, not while Cas and Sam were still in trouble.

Turning from the bed, Dean headed for the door.

"Gotta check on Sammy, then we need to get Gabriel in here. Can you watch him a minute? His breathing's been getting shakier the last few minutes – I don't wanna leave him alone in case…"

"You see ta yer brother, yer angel'll be fine for a minute. If there's a problem I'll let ya know quick-sharp, don't worry."

"Thanks Bobby."

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

"Come on Sammy…stay awake – stay with me here!"

The younger man had gone from leaning against him woozily at the car to slumping over and dragging his feet by the time they'd reached the house.

It didn't take a genius to figure out this was a bad thing. For all sorts of reasons.

"Sammy, if you fall asleep right now, so help me _Dad_, I'll kick your ass when this is over!"

He half dragged Sam into the living room, fixing his eyes on the couch and not looking at the devastation that the fight had caused. He didn't have time to think about that now – he _couldn't _think about it now. About what he'd done…

Sam stumbled and Gabriel had to fight to stay upright, nearly losing his grip on the larger man completely in the process. He glanced down to see what had tripped him, and quickly regretted it as his stomach lurched at the sight of the abandoned angel blade.

*_Just a few more steps to the couch…shit, this day can't be over soon enough!_*

"Come on Sasquatch, nearly there…dunno why you're so tired, I'm the one doing the heavy lifting here!"

A faint chuckle rumbled in Sam's chest, and Gabriel grinned.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up! You're lucky I don't just drop your giant ass on the floor and be done with it…" he grumbled in mock annoyance, adjusting his grip slightly to manoeuvre the other man around and onto the couch.

"Now, you're gonna sit here, and you're gonna keep those pretty brown eyes wide open, 'kay Sammy?"

Sam looked up at him blearily, eyes wide in a tired sort of shock that was comical to behold.

Why shock Gabriel had no idea, but if it was keeping Sam awake it didn't matter why.

"Pr'tty…?"

Or maybe it did. Shit, had he said that?

Yep, he had. Crap. Apparently he didn't have enough sense left to act uninjured _and_ uninterested at the same time.

He could panic about the fact that he actually needed to _act_ uninterested later.

"Fishing for compliments Sammy? And here I thought Dean was the vain Winchester…"

"M'not vain…m'tired…"

His eyes started to drift shut again, and Gabriel quickly grabbed his chin, lifting his head to look at him.

"Oh no you don't kiddo…you gotta stay awake – you're in no state for a showdown with my big bro, and I'm not in any state to keep him out at the mo. I know you feel like crap, and it's my fault, so I'm sorry, but you _need_ to stay with me here, okay?"

"M'kay…"

Even as he spoke, Gabriel could see the hunter's eye-lids drifting slowly down again.

Sam was falling asleep, and he was going to be caught in nightmare after nightmare by Lucifer as soon as he did, and it was Gabriel's fault.

Gabriel closed his eyes for a second and reached inside until he felt the seal he'd put over the bond. It closed it off enough that Sam couldn't feel his injuries anymore – and he wished to Dad he'd thought of that and put it in place earlier, before all this had started.

He couldn't use his Grace to help Sam, but maybe…

Maybe he could use the bond. It was already there, after all – using it wouldn't give off anything extra, wouldn't hurt Cas, as long as he kept a tight hold on his Grace, would it?

He gathered up what little energy he thought he could spare, and pushed it at the seal, watched as it seeped through slowly, then opened his eyes again.

Sam was staring up at him, his eyes clear and focused, his head no longer drooping to his chest.

"Gabriel?"

"Good to see you're not in the land of nod, Sammy – think you can stay with me now?"

"Yeah, I…what happened?" Sam's eyes had widened now, no longer focused on Gabriel's face.

The Archangel glanced down to see what Sam was talking about, and winced as he realised that blood had started to soak through the dressing on his side. Between that, the bandage on his shoulder, and his blood-stained clothing…

No wonder the hunter looked a little worried.

"You should see the other guy…" he quipped lightly, forcing a small grin.

"Are you okay?"

"You forget who you're talking to Sammy? Had a bump on the head too many perhaps?" He grinned for real this time, as Sam's worried look morphed into annoyance. "I'm always okay, Sasquatch."

"Because it's totally normal for an Archangel to bleed this much…or at all, for that matter."

"Didn't say I was perfect, Sammy – but I'm not on my deathbed, unlike Cas, so I'm okay. You gonna stay awake if I go fix my errant baby brother now?"

"Think I can manage it, yeah," Sam answered, flashing Gabriel a tired grin. "Go fix Cas – Dean was freaking out, think he's not doing too good…"

"He's not – his breathing's sounding shakier by the minute."

Gabriel looked round to see Dean standing in the doorway, eyes sweeping over the destruction all around them before falling back on him.

"Go send Bobby to sit with Sam, and I'll be right behind you Dean-o."

"I'm fine, you should just…"

"Kiddo, you could barely keep your eyes open just now – that little boost I gave you won't last long, and it was a one-time thing, so you need someone to keep you awake."

"Why can't Sammy get some rest? He needs it, and there's time…"

"I'm gonna assume you're just this stupid because you're worrying about Cas, Dean-o, so I'll explain it in little words – if Sam goes to sleep, my brother might not let him wake up this time, capicé?"

Gabriel watched as two pairs of eyes widened almost comically in unison.

"Sammy, Gabriel's right," – Gabriel was surprised Dean didn't choke on the words – "you need someone with you, just in case. I'll get Bobby."

Dean spun on his heel and headed back the way he'd come, leaving Sam and Gabriel alone again.

"He could do that?"

"Now he knows you've got help? Yeah, he could do that. You need to remember, even if I wasn't limited because of Cas, Luci's my big brother – if he gets there first _and_ he's expecting me, I'm not sure I'd be able to stop him. And he's been shut out for two days now, so he'll be pissed. So when I say you _need_ to stay awake…"

"…you mean I _really really_ need to stay awake, got it."

"Dean's waiting for ya in th'other room kid, me and Sammy'll be fine, I know the stakes – even brought some supplies in case he starts getting drowsy."

Gabriel let out a bark of laughter as Bobby gestured to the tray in his lap – a jug of coffee with a mug, a jug of ice water, and a pointy silver letter opener sat on the tray.

Bobby Singer was definitely one of his favourite humans.

"See ya soon Sammy," Gabriel said with a grin, before turning to Bobby as he headed out of the room. "Old man," he added with a slight nod.

"Idjit."

He could hear Sam chuckling softly as he left the room.

As soon as he was out of sight of the hunters, he stopped for a second to lean against the wall. He let out a shaky breath, pressing a hand lightly against his side, before wiping his hand on a clean patch of his trousers, squaring his shoulders and continuing towards the bedroom.

He'd killed six of his brothers today – hopefully he wasn't about to make it seven.


	13. Castiel

Okay, I feel like I need to put a teeny tiny note here...so here it is: Please don't hurt me for this chapter! :'( my muse is evil!

Also, thanks for all the awesome reviews! *grins*

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Dean watched quietly as Gabriel came into the room – there was no spring in his step, no dramatic announcement accompanying his arrival…it was freaky how un-Trickster like he was being.

"Right, down to business, eh bucko? Time's a'wasting and all that jazz."

When he reached for Cas, Dean blocked his way.

"Explain first – I need to know what you're doing to him…"

"Look, you don't trust me, I get it – I'm not sure you're wrong, even – but right now…right now, you need to trust that I know more about this than you do, and that, whatever else you might think of me, I _love_ my brother. Let me see how he's doing, then I'll give you as much of an explanation as we've got time for, 'kay?"

The earnest pleading in the shorter man's eyes seemed genuine, but there was something else…he was hiding something…

Dean was about to ask what when he heard Cas' breath falter behind him again – that was the third time since he'd come back in. Gabriel was right, this wasn't the time for a pissing match.

"Fine, but you hurt him…"

"I know, I know, you'll hunt me down and make me wish I was dead, right? Dean, if I hurt him, I'll let you."

Stepping to the side slightly, Dean watched as Gabriel settled carefully on the edge of the bed, and rested his hand on Castiel's chest lightly.

The Archangel looked like crap, he had to admit – he was covered in blood, at least some of it his own, and Dean hadn't missed the way the dressings were slowly reddening. He knew the guy was only in the state he was in because of them, and that he should give him a break, but this was _Cas_…he couldn't take the risk that Gabriel might try to screw them over.

After all, Ruby had gone through all sorts of shit on their side before stabbing them in the back, hadn't she?

"…th to Dean? You in there kiddo?"

Dean realised Gabriel was watching him with a bemused smirk.

"Yeah, sorry – how is he?"

"Well it's not good, but I'm guessing you already knew that…how much has Sam filled you in on what happened with us?"

"You mean the bond shit?"

"Ah good, he told you, that'll save time. So without Jimmy's soul, Cas has nothing to act as a buffer between his Grace and his vessel…"

"You already mentioned that bit," Dean cut in impatiently.

"…ergo," Gabriel continued, ignoring the interruption, "to fix it, we need a buffer. How fond of my baby bro are you Dean?"

"Huh…?"

He felt like he was going to get whiplash from the speed Gabriel kept shifting topics – their bond, Cas' problem, how freaking _fond_ he is of Cas…

His eyes widened and he raised his hands in protest as his mind put the pieces together.

Gabriel couldn't possibly be suggesting…

"What I wouldn't give to see the freak-out going on in your head right now bucko! I'm guessing you just figured out two and two make four?"

"You're not suggesting that I…that me and Cas…_bond_?"

"Bingo!"

*_What the fuck?_*

"You be my bro's buffer, he doesn't die, and if we're _very_ lucky, he might even be able to access his Grace again. Course, given our recent run of luck, I'll settle for him just not dying…"

"Why me?"

"We not exactly swimming in options here Dean-o, but even if we were? You've been marked by his Grace before…"

Dean raised a hand to his shoulder absently.

"…With him unconscious, this'll be tricky at best. I can provide a path for the bond, but his Grace needs to form it – I'm hoping it'll sense the echo of Grace in you and reach out despite Cas' lack of consciousness."

"And if it doesn't?"

Because Dean could tell the difference between hope and desperation, and Gabriel's tone reeked of desperation. He wasn't suggesting this because it might work, he was suggesting it because nothing else would, so this had to.

"Then you keep his body breathing while I take his Grace from him, and we pray I can fix the damage when it's done."

Dean couldn't bring himself to question the man any further – he sounded so bleak and almost broken…he sounded like Dean the day he'd made that God-forsaken deal.

Whatever else he might be, Gabriel was trying to be what his brother needed right now, and that was enough for Dean.

"Do it."

The look of surprise on the other man's face was a shock – had he honestly thought Dean would refuse?

It quickly cleared, and the more familiar cocky grin was back.

"Awesome! Right, I need you to sit on Castiel's other side, and hold his hand over where he marked you – skin to skin contact is best. Put your other hand on his chest over mine."

Dean quickly pulled his shirt off, pulling the sleeve on his t-shirt up to reveal the scar as he rounded the bed to sit next to the unconscious angel.

As he reached for his hand he noticed that Gabriel had undone the white shirt halfway, and settled his hand over the slowly darkening bruise from Dean's earlier chest compressions. Dean fought back the stinging in his eyes as he placed Castiel's hand to his shoulder before resting his other hand on Gabriel's.

"What do I need to do?"

"Honestly? I have no idea…"

Right. Because that just inspired all the confidence in the world.

"…you get the honour of being part of the second-ever attempt at an Angel-Human bond – you Winchester's do love breaking rules and boundaries, don't you? Just, relax, think of Cas, and if anything starts to happen, _do not_ fight it."

Okay, think of Cas.

He could totally do this.

His friend's life wasn't riding on this or anything.

Nope, no pressure…

Dean stifled a slightly hysterical giggle, and took a deep breath.

"Ready when you are."

"Dean – if this goes wrong, I'll have to act fast, and I'll need you to do what I say when I say it, no questions asked, do you understand? As soon as I start using my Grace to draw his out, that's it – Castiel's life will be measured in minutes, maybe even seconds, unless we get this right. So any issues you have with me, you need to forget them until this is over…"

He'd have to place complete trust in the Archangel.

Could he do that?

*_For Cas. You can do it for Cas. And if the fucker is playing you, you can show him exactly why you were Alastair's best student later._*

Dean took another deep breath, and nodded resolutely.

"Then forget about me, and Sam and Bobby, and everything else going on right now, and focus on Castiel."

Dean turned to look down at the angel, and nodded again to himself. He could do this for Cas.

It was a tingling sensation in his hand first, the one resting on Gabriel's.

The Archangel's hand was getting warmer and warmer – it was almost burning Dean now.

Fighting the instinct to pull his hand away, Dean pressed down harder, gripping Gabriel's hand tightly.

*_Come on Cas…_* he urged silently. *_Come on man, you can do it!_*

Pain flared unexpectedly in his shoulder and he nearly pulled his hand (and by extension Castiel's) away in shock, stopped only by another hand pressing over them.

"Don't you dare screw this up Winchester! Hold _the fuck_ on!"

Gabriel's voice sounded strained, his breathing laboured.

He tightened his grip again, and fought through the pain to focus on Cas. He noticed that Castiel was paler now, the bruising on his chest more prominent against the pasty white skin surrounding it. His breathing was shallower too, his chest barely moving beneath their hands.

*_Cas, wake the hell up dude! I need to yell at you for doing something this stupid – come on Cas! Please…_*

The pain in his hand was excruciating – he would be surprised if he didn't have third degree burns at least. His shoulder throbbed as the skin around his scar reddened and blistered before his eyes, and he tightened his grip and breathed through gritted teeth.

*_This has to work, it has to! Please God, it has to…Come on Cas!_*

Dean's whole body was suddenly on fire – everything burned, everything ached…it took all his will power not to cry out as his eyes darted over Cas in panic. His fingers itched to reach out, to check for a pulse, but Gabriel held them firmly in place.

Almost as suddenly as it had started, the pain began to fade, and Dean let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as the pale chest rose and fell slowly, the movement gaining strength and certainty with every breath.

"Did it…"

"Shhh!"

Dean watched as Gabriel loosed his hand from Dean's shoulder, reaching instead to place his fingers alongside Castiel's temple.

"Come on Cassie, time to wake up and stop scaring the human…"

Before Dean could say anything to that, a muffled groan came from the still form on the bed.

"Cas?"

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

_Pain._

It was all he knew, all he could feel. His vessel burned with it, _he_ burned with it.

He'd known how it would end, tying himself to his vessel as he had – he only wished he'd had more time to help, or even just chance to warn Dean and Sam about what would happen…

_Sam_.

He had to warn Dean _about_ Sam! He'd seen it, before the pain had started, before darkness had wrapped him up.

Sam, shining with a Grace he shouldn't have – a Grace that could only have come from one place…

He'd thought…he'd hoped…that Sam would be stronger than this, that he could hold out. It had been a mistake to leave him alone. To leave him vulnerable.

And now Sam was paying for it.

He should've known better – Dean would never forgive himself, never forgive Castiel…

But he needed to know first. Because when they'd seen him he'd been pretending to be Sam.

He _had_ to warn Dean.

The pain had faded now, and he knew that probably meant he was almost out of time.

He tried to speak, but all that came out was a groan.

"Cas?"

Dean was here, he could hear him! He summoned his strength and tried again, turning towards the voice and forcing his eyes open.

Dean's face hovered above him, blurred as his eyes fought to find their focus.

He tried to speak again.

"D'n?"

"Cas! Oh thank God! Cas man, you had us worried!"

He grabbed at the hunter's leg with his unrestrained hand.

"Dean…Sam's not…s'not _Sam_."

"Cas, you're not making sense…"

"S'Lucifer…saw it…saw his Grace! S'not Sam…"

Father help him, he was so tired! He felt his eyelids droop slowly, and didn't fight it – he'd warned Dean, it didn't matter now if he died.

From the edge of consciousness, he could hear snatches of a whispered conversation, and wondered vaguely who else was there.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

When he heard Dean call out Castiel's name, he couldn't sit there not knowing any more. Sam pulled himself up from the sofa, grunting at the effort it took – God but he was tired! – and walked determinedly down the hall.

He could hear Bobby following closely behind him.

As he neared the room he could hear voices, and when he reached the doorway he froze in horror as Castiel spoke.

"S'Lucifer…saw it…saw his Grace! S'not Sam…"

Cas had woken up, which was awesome.

Cas was apparently under the impression that Sam wasn't Sam anymore. That wasn't so awesome.

In fact it was the opposite of awesome. Castiel thought he'd given in, been weak, said _yes_…

It hurt.

Sam glanced at the other figures in the room to find Gabriel stood in front of Dean, gripping the hunter by the shoulders tightly.

"Sam's Sam Dean, you know that! Cas was so out of it he couldn't tell one Archangel's Grace from another, that's all."

"I…"

Sam could hear the hesitation in his brother's voice, see the indecision on his face, and something inside Sam felt like it was breaking.

"…yeah, you're right. I know that – Sam's not Lucifer. Lucifer wouldn't have helped me help Cas in the car, wouldn't have warned me in time to stop…but Sam's not Sam either."

The conviction in Dean's voice as he spoke grew until there was no room for argument, no room for disagreement, and Sam stood there, unnoticed, listening quietly.

"I…he was Sam when I came back, from Hell I mean – he was angry and hard and cold, but he was still my brother…"

Gabriel had dropped his arms back to his sides, and was watching Dean with a slightly confused look on his face.

Sam could sympathise with the Archangel – Dean wasn't making a whole lot of sense. Even so, there was something in his tone – an openness, a rawness – that captivated its audience's attention. Sam held his breath, not wanting to interrupt before his brother was finished.

"These last few days…these last few days he hasn't been Sam. He's been Sammy – my baby brother who smiles and actually gives a shit about everything…he was nearly passed out from pain on the highway earlier, and the first thing he asked me was how Cas was. It…I don't know what you did, and you'd better not be thinking this means I like you – because I still think you're an annoying arrogant dick – but, I think…maybe...aw hell, just thanks, 'kay? But hurt him and you'll be dying painfully, Archangel or not."

Sam's lips twitched upwards in a grin at the last sentence, even as he didn't know what to think about the rest of it, and when he felt a hand rest lightly on his arm he looked back at Bobby with what he was sure were tears in his eyes.

When Bobby gestured back towards the other room, Sam nodded. They weren't supposed to hear that, Dean wouldn't want Sam to know, but he was glad he did all the same.

With a last glance at his brother, Sam began backing away quietly to follow Bobby.

Gabriel had looked flabbergasted – Sam would've said speechless, expect the smaller man had already been opening his mouth to respond.

As Sam finally turned, he heard instead of the expected snarky comment, a sharp, painful cough.

The muttered "oh shit!" was quickly drowned out by Dean's shout.

"Fuck! Bobby! Sam! We need help in here!"

Sam spun on the spot and raced into the room to see Gabriel sprawled, half sat, half led, on the floor with Dean knelt beside him. Gabriel's right hand was splattered with red, his eyes slightly glassy and lips red with blood as it trickled slowly down his chin.

"Sammy…?"

His voice was quieter than usual.

"Shit! Gabe? What the hell?"

"Think I'm a bit screwed Sasquatch…"

He chuckled grimly, but quickly broke off into another coughing fit, and Sam winced to see more blood coating the hand he'd held over his mouth.

"Cas is fine, isn't he? You can use your Grace again, heal yourself, can't you?"

"Tried that, guess I left it a bit long – there's too much damage for me to fix Sammy…Cassie'll be fine though – he just needs some rest, burned too much energy – he won't wake up for at least twelve hours, but when he does he'll be good as new. S'funny in a way…"

"Funny?" Sam squawked incredulously – nothing about this was funny. Fucked all to Hell, yeah…funny, no.

Sam watched as Gabriel pressed his hand lightly to the wound in his side, the bandage over it now completely red with blood.

"Hael did this…In your Bible, Hael's the Angel of Kindness – how many people can say quite so literally that they were killed by kindness, hmm?"

Sam watched quietly as Gabriel's grin – a blood-red mockery of his usual cocky smirk – faded into a pained wince.

Unable to watch helplessly as Gabriel slowly slipped away, Sam climbed to his feet and stumbled from the room as fast as his feet would carry him.

He couldn't just watch it happen…he couldn't.


	14. Goodbyes

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews! Apologies for the delay getting this up, hadn't planned on leaving hang on the cliffie for this long :-D**

**

* * *

**

Gabriel watched in dismay as Sam fled from the room. He knew it wasn't because the hunter didn't care that he was dying – would've known that even if he hadn't been able to hear the younger man's thoughts as he went.

"Thought we agreed you weren't gonna bleed all over my floor boy?"

Gabriel looked up at Bobby with a half-smirk.

"Sorry old man, not sure I can help it – make Dean clean the mess up before Cas sees, will ya?"

Gabriel could hear the thoughts racing through Dean's head. It was dizzying, he almost couldn't keep up – they seemed to bounce from emergency to emergency, with no time to stop and catch their breath, and it was all hitting the hunter at once.

"Pity Sammy didn't hang around…had some pretty damn good last words for your brother Dean-o," Gabriel said with a smirk. Stifling another cough, he continued. "You might wanna keep an eye on him though, after…well, after. Dunno if it'll work the same, but with angels – bondmates dying, well, it was never pretty for those left behind, s'why bonding was so rare. He starts getting quiet, don't you dare leave him alone…"

Gabriel broke off in another coughing fit as Dean supported him behind the shoulders with his arm.

"You mean the broken bond'll make him suicidal?"

"It might…like I said, whole new territory here – it'll be hard for him at least, and with everything else…yeah, he'll need wa..." Another bloody cough cut him off, before he continued. "Need watching. Hey, Singer! Wheel your ass over here a minute. Need a favour…"

Gabriel waited as Bobby got as close as he could in the cramped room, then pulled himself a little more upright, putting a hand on Bobby's leg before looking up at the older man.

"Mind loaning me the chair for a bit? Can't see Cassie from down here…wanna say goodbye properly, even if he is asleep. I mean, s'not like you need it anymore, right?"

Dean looked vaguely homicidal – a little redundant given the circumstances, really – so Gabriel figured he hadn't made his point clear enough. Moving his hand, he flicked sharply at the leg he'd been resting it on.

That wasn't what got Dean's attention though.

No, what got Dean's attention was Bobby's yelp of pain.

What got his attention was the way Bobby pulled his leg back to escape a repeat flick.

The look on Bobby's face as he realised what he'd just done.

Yup, Gabriel was pretty sure Dean didn't want to kill him now.

"You…you…did you just…"

"Just because I can't fix myself up, doesn't mean I'm useless ya know…hello? Archangel!"

The cocky boast was enough to startle a chuckle from Dean.

Bobby grinned down at Gabriel widely.

"Guess yer not such an idjit after all…" Bobby trailed off before looking at Gabriel more soberly. "Thank you."

Dean'd never been one for long silences, and so Gabriel broke Bobby's gaze to focus on the hunter again.

Beyond the hunter's shocked expression, he saw regret.

Regret that Gabriel was dying, and they couldn't save him.

A week ago, Dean would've said good riddance.

Now Gabriel could see words floating around in Dean's head, words he would've used to describe Gabriel after today.

Ally.

Friend.

Good man.

Whatever he might've done in the past, there was no denying that in Dean's mind Gabriel was all those things now.

Dying really sucked sometimes, Gabriel thought petulantly.

"So, chair?"

Without another word Bobby was out of the chair, grabbing at the wall to catch his balance before reaching down to help Dean lift the Archangel into the empty chair.

Once Gabriel was sat comfortably, Dean edged the chair as close as he could get it to the bed before stepping back out of the way with Bobby.

"Hey bro…so guess we won't get the fun filled family reunion after all…hopefully when Dean-o explains everything you'll at least wish we had? I'm sorry about last time you know – I guess I thought I could somehow still stay out of the whole mess…"

Another coughing fit cut him off, and he glanced down to see even more blood on his hand. He wasn't even sure why he was dragging it out like this – if he'd just stop trying to repair his vessel he'd be dead in a minute or two. Maybe he was hoping Sam would come back? He squashed the thought down and focused his eyes back on his brother.

His brother.

At least he'd been able to save him – at least it'd been worth it.

"Dean…"

He glanced over his shoulder at the hunter.

"Don't let him blame himself – I knew I was waiting too long, and I did it anyway. It was my decision, and he doesn't get to feel guilty about one of the only three things I don't regret doing since I left Home."

"Three…?" Bobby wondered quietly.

"Your legs would be another of them old man. Sam…Sam is the third, because whatever happens because of the bond, it beats where he was headed before it."

Turning back to his brother, Gabriel let out a soft sigh.

"I'm sorry I won't be there to help you – just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine though kiddo…never seen anything quite like you before, which means Luci definitely won't see you coming. The little angel who could…"

He trailed off with a wet chuckle, the words coming harder as he felt his lungs flooding with blood. Damn angel blades.

"Excuse us – not interrupting are we? Only we heard you were in a bit of bother…thought perhaps you could use a hand?"

Gabriel's head snapped up in shock at the voice.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Sam stumbled over to Bobby's desk, searching frantically for what he needed.

After a few minutes – *_too long, too long!_* – he found the book, and flipped to the right page.

He snorted in laughter at what he found. The irony was crippling.

A crossroads demon! And not just any crossroads demon – no, Crowley was king of the crossroads!

Unfortunately there weren't any convenient crossroads around, but Sam still remembered the summoning ritual his father had used for Azazel all those years ago – it was fairly generic, so it should be a simple case of substituting one name for the other.

Grabbing the supplies, Sam made his way outside. He wouldn't do it in the house just in case - he trusted Gabriel when he said Crowley could help, but that didn't mean he trusted Crowley. He'd made that mistake with Ruby.

Besides, it wasn't the demon he wanted, it was the Angel the demon apparently knew – and he wasn't even pausing to puzzle that one out, because demons and angels being friends? That was weird even for Sam.

Once he'd set everything up carefully, Sam paused to catch his breath before beginning.

To say he was unprepared for what came next would be an understatement.

After all, who in their right mind would expect two half naked men kissing as if their lives depended on it to drop out of the sky in front of them, regardless of what they'd been trying to summon?

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

"Zira?"

Gabriel couldn't quite figure out when he'd missed a step, but he must've somewhere because Aziraphale wasn't supposed to be in the US, was he?

"Heya Gabe, how's tricks?" At the second voice Gabriel rolled his eyes.

Maybe he'd just died without noticing, and this was Hell.

Choking back another coughing fit, Gabriel raised an eyebrow at the demon.

"What? It's been an age! Old friends can't pop in to say hi now?"

"Old friends can, you don't…"

"Fine, fine…I'll have you know I was invited though – you do get into such delightful messes Gabriel! Remember when…"

"Dearest, this isn't really the best time for reminiscing…why don't you lend a hand – you owe me a miracle or two anyway, and the youngster on the bed could use a bit of an energy boost. Poor child looks exhausted!"

"But Angel…" Gabriel couldn't help but smirk at Crowley's whine.

"Dearest…"

"Fine! Hey, hold on…what do you mean, or two?"

"Well you have been laying it on rather thick with the temptations lately my dear, I think it's about time to even things back up a bit, don't you? You wouldn't want me to have to resist temptation next time, would you?"

"Is he saying what I think he's saying?" Dean whispered quietly to Bobby.

"I think he might be…"

"Dude, that's just so many levels of wrong!"

Ignoring the whispers – he desperately wanted to add in his two cents, but now was not the time – Gabriel raised his voice slightly.

"Uh, 'scuse me? Bleeding to death slowly, but not that slowly guys! Flirt later!"

"Well really! It's just cream buns dear – he brings the most delicious ones over for tea you see…ever so tempting, but he won't tell me where he gets them from."

"Every demon needs his secretsss Angel."

"Of course dear…now, if you wouldn't mind?"

Gabriel tried not to laugh – it was quite painful, after all, coughing up blood – as Crowley headed for Castiel grumbling under his breath.

"What do you mean, you were invited, anyway? I didn't call you…"

"That's because you're an idiot. Apparently being an Archangel doesn't make you immune to idiocy."

"Sammy…" Gabriel couldn't keep the shock from his voice any more than he could wipe the grin off his face.

"Okay, if you tell me you thought I ran out on you I'm gonna be pissed Gabe."

"But I heard you…when you left, I heard your thoughts…"

"Then you weren't paying enough attention. You didn't honestly expect me to sit there and do nothing while you bled to death on the floor, did you?"

"I…"

"You did, didn't you? I can't believe you…"

"Samuel, if I may intercede – perhaps this disagreement could wait until I've done what you called me here to do? We are rather short of time, after all…"

"Shit, of course! Sorry, I didn't think…"

Gabriel watched as Dean led Sam out of the way, keeping one hand resting lightly on his brother's shoulder.

"So, hit me with your best shot, Zee!"

Gabriel was sure he wouldn't have got quite such an eye-roll for that if he hadn't followed it up with a rather painful and bloody coughing fit.

"Dear boy, you are quite a mess, aren't you? Whatever have you been doing to yourself?"

Gabriel winced as Aziraphale placed one hand over his side, and then sighed with relief as he felt the wound finally begin to heal over.

"Long story, 'Zira – I'll fill you in later if you guys fancy hanging around?"

"Well I can't speak for Crowley, but I'd be delighted to visit for a spell."

"You know I'm in – Gabe's always a bloody laugh riot!" Crowley interjected from his spot beside Castiel.

The hand moved from his side to his shoulder, and if he hadn't already been sitting he would've collapsed in relief as that wound closed too.

He didn't blame Sam for calling him an idiot. He should've called for 'Zira as soon as he realised the mess he was in, he wasn't sure why he hadn't…it just hadn't occurred to him.

Cas was safe, Dean would look after Sam and Cas both…that was all that had mattered at the time.

_*Winchesters – the ultimate antidote to having any selfish survival instinct, apparently.*_

"Thanks, 'Zira," Gabriel sighed softly.

"Any time dear boy…any time at all."

"How's Cassie?" Gabriel asked the demon backing away from his baby brother.

"He should be up and about within the hour. Kid's been through the ringer by the looks of his Grace…what you buggers been up to over here?"

"Mikey and Luci are getting rowdy."

"Again? I thought we dealt with it all twenty years ago?"

"Welcome to The Apocalypse, mark Two. Luci's out and about, angels are killing angels, demons and humans alike, and we're the new rebels with a cause."

"Dearest…"

"Yeah, Angel?"

"I've had just about enough of the upper management causing trouble, haven't you?"

"Bloody right I have Angel."

Gabriel grinned as the duo turned to face the group, stating in unison

"We're in."

* * *

**For those who don't recognise them, Crowley and Aziraphale are from Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman - if you haven't, read it, because it's pure genius! I'm not changing the category on this story to crossover yet, because I'm not sure how much I'm gonna use the GO guys, but if they stick around then this fic'll be migrating to the crossovers section *grins* Thanks for reading! Xx**


	15. Family

Author's Note: Thanks massively to Sakuri and The Singing Duck for the advice that allowed me to actually be able to post this! Many apologies for the huge delay in getting it up *grins* Thanks for all the awesome reviews and to everyone who's put me on author/story alert, and favourited this fic! :-D

* * *

**Chapter 15**

_**Previously:**_

"_Dearest…"_

"_Yeah, Angel?"_

"_I've had just about enough of the upper management causing trouble, haven't you?"_

"_Bloody right I have Angel."_

_Gabriel grinned as the duo turned to face the group, stating in unison_

"_We're in."_

_**And now:**_

"Well that's just peachy – who the hell are you?"

It had been a long day.

Bobby glanced at the clock on the far wall.

It had been a long day and it was barely past noon.

It was days like this that made Bobby almost wish he'd never met John Winchester.

Life before the Winchesters had been simple – find the monster, kill the monster, have a beer (or whiskey if it was a particularly nasty sonuvabitch).

His home hadn't been subject to invasions by various strange and unnervingly powerful creatures, and he generally knew what was going on.

Right now, Bobby really wanted to know what was going on, and if people didn't start talking rock salt was gonna start flying.

"Oy, Angel – look…he's going all red…"

"Really, dearest – must you antagonize everyone you meet? I do apologise for my companion - I'm Aziraphale, and that's Crowley, Mr…?"

"Singer."

"Lovely to meet you Mr. Singer! You wouldn't happen to have any tea, would you? Tiring business, healing…"

Bobby had to jump back out of the way as Crowley – the demon, he recalled from their earlier comments with a frown – practically leapt from the bed as the Angel began to sway slightly.

"For Someone's sake, Angel!" Crowley hissed chidingly. "Would it kill you to be careful for once? You'll miracle yourself right back upstairs if you're not careful – and then where'll we be, aye? Wouldn't put it past your lot to send word downstairs about me once they got hold of you, 'specially now we've gotten involved in shit again…"

"Of course dear – how thoughtless of me, putting _you_ at risk like that," Aziraphale muttered softly, the indulgent smile on his face missed by no-one.

Bobby rolled his eyes before taking charge of things. The adrenaline that had been keeping Sam on his feet had quite obviously fled, the only reason he was still standing being the wall behind him and Dean's steadying hand on his shoulder. The older Winchester looked worn down – the worry of the last few hours on top of the months – hell, the _years_ – of shit he'd been through leaving him ragged and tired. Dean's angel was still out for the count, and even the Trickster – _Gabriel_ he reminded himself – sat relatively still, healed but not the usual ball of sugar-fuelled energy as he reclined in Bobby's wheelchair.

And Bobby was pretty sure he still hadn't fully processed that bit yet either – he was standing on his own two feet for the first time in months! At eye-level with others instead of trying not to feel small, vulnerable…

Those months in that chair had been…well, not _hell_, but hopefully as close as he'd ever get to it at any rate.

He wasn't quite sure what he thought of having a demon in his house, but given the circumstances he'd hold off on the exorcising unless it became absolutely necessary…after all, he seemed to be _with_ the new angel, and that guy had saved the guy that had saved him, so didn't that sort of put them on the same side by default? Bobby's head was starting to hurt from trying to sort it all out.

"Right, everyone currently conscious, in the kitchen now – Sam, get your ass in a chair before you fall over. Dean, get some coffee on."

"Hey Sammy, heads up…"

Bobby glanced up to see the archangel with hand raised, fingers snapping before anyone could say anything.

The next instant Sam was in the wheelchair, looking a little confused before slouching down gratefully. Gabriel stood behind the chair, hands locked around the handles on the back in a death-grip, face white and covered in a faint sheen of sweat.

"Woah…not my best idea ever…" he mumbled woozily.

Bobby rolled his eyes and stepped forward, clipping Gabriel round the head lightly with a muttered "Idjit!" before catching his elbow to help him balance and grabbing the handle on the chair with his spare hand as he herded them from the room. The lack of protest told him everything he needed to know about exactly how badly the angel was still feeling.

"Uh…I'll stay with Cas, make sure he doesn't freak when he wakes up – he was saying some shit earlier, think he might've got the wrong end of the stick with the whole Sammy and Gabe deal…"

Bobby just waved him off in agreement as he left the room.

That he barely blinked on finding his kitchen table covered with pots of tea and coffee and plates of cream cakes, one of which was being hand fed to a grinning angel by a demon, said a lot about his life these days Bobby thought with a resigned grin.

Ah, who needed simple hunts anyway? They were boring.

SPNSPNSPN

Dean watched as Bobby led a protest-free and freakily docile Gabriel from the room as they pushed Sam between them. He wanted to run after his brother, wanted to watch him and fuss over him and make sure he was okay, but for now he'd have to trust to Bobby to do that because until he was awake and up to date, Cas was a potential problem.

What he'd said when he'd woken up briefly earlier – it had made Dean's heart stop. His breath had frozen in his chest and he hadn't been able to think past the terrifying words his friend had uttered. It had taken everything he had left – every ounce of trust in his brother, every drop of hope – to listen to Gabriel, and to believe that Castiel was wrong.

Now though – his friend would be waking up soon, and he believed that Sam was Lucifer and therefore a threat. Cas was healthy again, an angel again, thanks to Gabriel, and thanks to the demon (whose presence Dean was tolerating _only_ because he seemed to have the approval of at least two angels…) Cas was probably going to wake up at full power.

So now Dean would have to be there waiting, ready to talk his angel out of trying to kill his brother the second he regained consciousness.

If he wasn't living it, he wouldn't believe his life some days – you really couldn't make this shit up!

Dean nodded his thanks to Bobby when he brought him a mug of coffee.

"How's Sammy?"

"Your idjit brother's asleep finally," Bobby said with a fond grin. "He really who he says?"

"Gabriel…? Yeah – shocked the hell outta us too, but yeah. I think maybe…he might actually be on our side here Bobby…"

Because, yeah, Gabriel seemed to be helping them, but a tiny part of Dean just couldn't shake the instinct that screamed at him to keep his guard up. Not even the broken and bleeding archangel nearly killing himself to save Dean's angel had managed to fully suppress it.

"Boy…" Bobby broke off with a sigh, frustration clear on his face. "I know your daddy raised you to be suspicious of everyone and everything, and I know it's probably saved your lives more times than you can count…hell, if you weren't wary I'd think you were a damned idjit…but what he did for you today, what he did for your angel, your brother, for me…I think he's earned our trust here son, so just…just try, okay? I know it'll go against what your daddy taught you, but one thing John never quite got was that there're exceptions – every rule has 'em, and your angel, Gabriel, Aziraphale…hell, even that _demon_ out there…I think they're the exceptions here. Not everything supernatural _is_ out to get you and your brother."

Dean watched in shocked silence as Bobby walked out of the room, obviously not expecting a response from the flummoxed younger hunter.

He sipped quietly at his coffee as he thought over what Bobby had said.

The older hunter was right, of course. He usually was, but even as Dean had listened he'd found himself agreeing – slightly reluctantly, he had to admit, but agreeing none the less – with what Bobby was saying.

He still didn't know what had happened before he'd arrived with Sam and Cas, but from the state of the house, and the state of both Bobby and Gabriel, he had little doubt at all that the archangel was the only reason his father figure was still alive. And as if that wasn't enough, Gabriel had damn near killed himself to save Cas right after.

He still wasn't sure about the new guys – an angel and a demon hanging out was all sorts of weird – but they got the benefit of the doubt since they'd saved Gabe after his uncharacteristically heroic attempt at self-sacrifice.

Dean chuckled out loud at that last thought. Not the thought itself – it wasn't particularly amusing – but what it implied…well, what it implied was hilarious and so perfectly _Winchester_.

Potentially dangerous people got the benefit of the doubt from Dean in one situation and one situation only these days, what with so much being at risk if he screwed up.

They got it if they helped save family.

Apparently while he'd been thinking his subconscious had decided to skip ahead and label Gabe family, leaving the rest of his brain to catch up to the fact now.

He was pulled suddenly from his thoughts by a soft groan from the bed.

"Cas?"

"Dean? Why aren't I dead?"

_*It's bad form to punch the recently dying…it's very bad form to punch the recently dying…*_

Dean swallowed around the lump Cas' question brought to his throat, before taking a breath to answer.

"Because you're a lucky sonuvabitch is why! Damnit Cas! Why the hell'd you do it? You couldn't have told me how badly off you were? We could've tried to help before it got so bad for G…fucks sake!"

Ranting at the top of his voice was better than punching, Dean reasoned silently. Cas was healthy, if confused…he could deal with a little shouting.

"There was nothing you could have done to help, I did not wish to worry you and Sam…"

An odd look passed over Castiel's face as he trailed off, and Dean tensed when the angel moved to sit up.

"Dean, your brother…"

"Sammy's fine Cas – it's not…I mean, what you thought, when you woke up earlier, it's wrong…Sammy's still himself…"

Dean spoke slowly, as if the wrong word might break the calm that felt so wrong on Castiel's face right now – it wasn't his usual serene calm, it was brittle, false, as though he were trying figure something out about Dean too…

"I'm sorry Dean, I should have been here, I should have protected you from my brother's influence, even after I could not help Sam…"

And no, this was bad…influence? His angel thought he was under some sort of influence?

"Cas, I swear, it's all good – I'm not under Lucifer's influence – Lucifer's still fuck knows where causing trouble for some poor schlub or other…"

Dean watched as Cas moved to swing his legs over the edge of the bed, and realised that he needed to talk fast or they were going to have a situation on their hands.

"Sam didn't say yes Cas!"

"I know what I saw Dean – Lucifer's grace was spilling out through the whole room…I'm so sorry I could not keep him safe for you, but now I must keep you safe from him – please stay out of the way Dean."

_*Shit.*_

Dean grabbed quickly for Castiel's arm, surprising the angel enough that he was able to jerk him back around to face Dean even as he rose from the bed.

"Gabriel!"

Dean wasn't sure if he was explaining or calling for help, but the name shocked Cas into stillness – which was just as well, since the probably still-exhausted archangel didn't appear to have heard him.

"What does my brother have to do with any of this?"

"It was his grace you saw in Sam, not Lucifer's…"

"Sam is not Gabriel's vessel – and Gabriel did not appear to have any wish to change vessels even if your brother would have been willing."

The angel turned slightly as if to leave again, and Dean tightened his grip on Castiel's sleeve as he spoke quickly.

"It's a long story, but Gabriel turned up and got his ass angel-married to my brother and apparently the grace thing is a side-effect, but I swear Cas, it's nothing to do with Lucifer…"

"Angel-married…?" Castiel asked, head tilted slightly in confusion.

"He called it a bond or some shit."

"You are saying that Gabriel, who only two weeks ago tried to get both yourself and your brother to say yes, _bonded_ with Sam? Dean, are you even aware of what that would mean, if it were true?"

"They said something about strong connections, and forever may have come into it…"

Dean hedged, realising suddenly that he still hadn't mentioned how they'd saved Cas. What if Cas didn't want to be stuck with him forever? What if…

"Gabriel bonded with Sam."

The second time he said it, Castiel sounded less incredulous, more thoughtful, and Dean felt himself relax slightly as he realised that the angel was no longer likely to be a threat to his brother.

"Apparently it wasn't on purpose…not sure I believe that shit, but that's what they're claiming. I think it's a good thing though…I mean, Sammy – you'll see what I mean, when you see him Cas…but he's _Sammy_ again…"

"I think perhaps you should tell me all that I have missed Dean, before I speak with either of our brothers."


	16. Catching Up

Author's Note: Thanks hugely to all the awesome people who've reviewed and added me and this fic to their favourites/alerts! *grins* You guys make me soooo happy :-D

* * *

**Chapter 16**

Dean's eyes implored Castiel to listen, to believe the hunter…he wanted to oblige, despite not being convinced, despite not understanding what Dean meant when he said…

"Angel-married…?"

"He called it a bond or some shit."

Dean looked slightly uncomfortable with that statement, as though there was more he was not sharing.

"You are saying that Gabriel, who only two weeks ago tried to get both yourself and your brother to say yes, _Bonded_ with Sam? Dean, are you even aware of what that would mean, if it were true?"

Castiel barely understood what it would mean – the closest he'd ever seen to a Bond was the connection he had formed with Dean when he pulled him from the pit, but that was like comparing a candle to a forest fire. He'd heard stories of course, of what Bonding had been like, but no angel he'd ever known had actually done it – he didn't even know how it was to be accomplished, or if it was even possible between an angel and a human, as Dean was claiming. And the effects of such a bond…

"They said something about strong connections, and forever may have come into it…"

Dean was definitely trying very carefully not to mention something, and it was only the lack of any immediate threat that made Castiel keep his promise to respect the hunter's privacy and not look into his thoughts – although he found he was having to make a concentrated effort to keep the hunter's mind separate from his own.

Having been injured was obviously still affecting him if he was weak enough to let the connection he had with Dean become so active. He would have to keep his guard up, to avoid any accidents with it.

"Gabriel Bonded with Sam."

If Sam was indeed Bonded with Gabriel, rather than vessel to Lucifer, a lot had changed in their fight while he had been unaware.

Thinking back he realised that the Grace he had seen had been far too pure to have been his fallen brother's…he rather thought it was too pure to have been Gabriel's either, after his prolonged absence from Heaven and his activities during that time. It seemed there was more to his older brother than met the eye, even now – Gabriel was far more than the half-fallen, damaged Archangel Castiel had believed him to be when they spoke last.

"Apparently it wasn't on purpose…not sure I believe that shit, but that's what they're claiming. I think it's a good thing though…I mean, Sammy – you'll see what I mean, when you see him Cas…but he's _Sammy_ again…"

Castiel could tell from Dean's expression that he believed what he said made perfect sense – that it was supposed to imply something, rather than being a simple repetition of the younger Winchester's name. Unfortunately Castiel was at a loss as to what exactly Dean was trying to infer.

"I think perhaps you should tell me all that I have missed Dean, before I speak with either of our brothers."

Glancing down at his clothing Castiel quickly added to his request.

"Perhaps you could also explain what has happened to my clothing whilst I was not conscious? I don't recall my shirt being open when we returned to your motel room…" Cas paused and glanced around, only now becoming aware of the fact that… "Dean – this is not your motel room. How long have I been unconscious?"

Castiel was not exactly prone to panic – he was an angel, and as such was not exactly _prone_ to any true emotional response to a situation, but the lack of information about his current condition was distinctly unnerving. Angels didn't require sleep, and although he had been requiring more rest than ever before as his power dwindled, he had not yet had to stoop to allowing his body to lose consciousness to re-energise – not until his unexpected collapse, at any rate.

This was, therefore, his first ever experience of waking from an unconscious state – becoming aware after being brought back from the unfortunate…incident…with Raphael did not count – and he was not enjoying it. He was not where he had been, and their situation was dramatically altered from what he gathered from the little information Dean had shared so far…the experience was, on the whole, incredibly disorienting.

"We're at Bobby's dude – you've been out of it since early yesterday, although we didn't realise how serious it was until Gabriel turned up." Castiel had to fight not to lean back as Dean fixed his eyes firmly on him, glaring intently. He hated that his recent weakness brought forth such…human…reactions in him. "You didn't think it might be a good idea to warn us that you were at death's freaking door, Cas?"

"Death does not have a door, Dean…"

"It's an expression Cas," Dean replied absently, a small smile flitting over his face despite his irritation.

Good. That's what Castiel had been aiming for. He may not have recognised the expression, but he had been around Dean and Sam for long enough now that he was able to tell when they were being literal and when their words required a less exact interpretation. Dean seemed to enjoy explaining these things though, always smiling when Castiel made his naïve observations, so he would let the hunter think that he needed the aid as long as it did not interfere with their mission or safety in any way.

He refused to closely examine _why_ exactly he felt the need to provide this amusement for the hunter.

"I apologise for worrying you Dean – I had not believed myself to be so close to collapse or I would have warned you. I do not wish to anger you again Dean, but I must know – why am I not dead? I should not have survived the situation I put myself in."

"You shouldn't have put yourself in a situation you couldn't survive Cas! You're not expendable dude, so don't act like you are!"

Castiel felt a rush of anger he didn't understand, and couldn't hold back his response.

"I should have let myself fall then? Become another weight around your neck, just someone else in need of your protection? I did what had to be done to remain in the fight for as long as possible Dean – you would rather me human and helpless?"

SPNSPNSPN

Hours of fear had finally caught up to Dean, and he dealt with it the only way he could face right then – he got angry…Castiel's response – his voice raw with emotion, his face twisted with anger and confusion – was not what Dean had expected.

"I would rather you alive! You fucking died Cas! I had to watch you die, and I had to fight to get you back long enough that we could get here and fix you!"

Dean choked back the lump that formed in his throat, tearing his gaze from the angel before the other could see the tears that threatened to fall.

A few moments of silence followed, and Dean had to fight not to look up. Not to check that Cas was still even in the room.

"I…died?" The voice was soft, barely a whisper.

"Your heart stopped." Dean glanced up finally, green eyes locking with intense blue, neither able to look away.

"I am sorry I caused you that pain Dean – truly – but I only did what was necessary to keep you safe…just as you did for Sam when you made your deal."

"That was different! My life is _not_ worth yours, Cas – what I am, what I've done…I don't deserve your sacrifice, and I don't freaking want any more blood on my hands! Please Cas…I couldn't take having your blood on my hands…"

SPNSPNSPN

The guilt, the self-loathing, the fear…it took Castiel long moments to classify the emotions, but Dean had lapsed into silence, giving the angel time to think.

Time to realise the source of the feelings.

The source of his earlier anger. The thoughts, the words he'd spoken, had been his own, but the ferocity, the fury with which he'd expressed them, had been utterly alien and it was with a sinking feeling that he realised why.

"Dean, what did Gabriel do…?"

The dread that filled him as he awaited the hunter's response was the first emotion of the conversation that Castiel was certain was one hundred percent his, and he did his best to protect the human from it by withdrawing as far from the connection – the Bond? – as he could.

"He saved your life."

"At what cost?"

"What?"

Castiel could feel Dean's confusion, and realised with horror what Gabriel must have done. To have kept Dean in the dark, to have done something so extreme without his permission, without his knowledge…something that could never be undone…

"I am so sorry Dean – he had no right…I cannot…I'm sorry."

Unable to face the hunter, to tell him how horribly he'd been betrayed, Castiel ran.

Gathering his newly restored strength he stretched his wings and took flight, his only thought that he would never be able to make this up to his human who valued free will so highly.

SPNSPNSPN

Gabriel rolled his eyes at the spectacle his brother and friend were making in Bobby's kitchen.

He was going to go out on a limb and assume that they'd actually gotten a clue at some point since he'd seen them last.

"You got any other bedrooms about old man?" Gabriel asked, angling his head slightly towards Bobby. "Me and the Sasquatch here both need to crash – I mean even the floor's looking tempting at the moment…"

"S'that a good idea? I mean, you were all gung-ho 'bout him staying awake earlier…"

"I can keep an eye on him now…"

Gabriel held up a hand as he saw the argument on the older hunter's face – which was a mistake he realised, as he swayed slightly…that was _not_ going to help his argument at all.

"I did all the hard work on the wards last time, just my presence should be enough to keep him safe – and if Luci gets creative…well, the sooner I'm resting the sooner I'll have the energy to do more."

"In that case, there's a couple upstairs kid…if ya feel up to helping manhandle this over-grown lump up 'em that is," Bobby smirked.

"I can walk guys, it's no problem…"

Gabriel's hand shot forward to push Sam's shoulder back down as he moved to rise.

"Nice try kiddo – you pass out on the stairs you might break your neck…let's not give Deano a whole new reason to hate me, eh? He's finally loosening up a bit."

"Because you pair trying to get me up there _without_ my help is so much safer…"

Gabriel chuckled at the tone of wry disbelief forcing its way from under the tiredness that was saturating every pore of Sam's being – their Bond ached with it, and Gabriel could feel it slowly pulling him under too.

"Okay, let's say you have a point…what do you suggest, genius?"

"Well unless you can tear them away from the cakes for a minute," Sam gestured towards Aziraphale and Crowley with a grin, "I'm thinking you could take the couch and I'll be fine on the floor – I'm that tired I could sleep on gravel and broken glass and not notice right now to be honest."

"And you're not gonna take the couch and let me have the floor because…?" Gabriel asked, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Because he's not the idjit that nearly bled out not half an hour ago, and because unlike your short ass, he'd probably be less comfortable on the couch than on the floor. Now quit yer yapping and get moving, before I drag you both there by yer ears…damn fools!"

Gabriel stared open-mouthed at the older hunter when he shoved him lightly in the direction of the living room. Gabriel reluctantly removed his hand from Sam's shoulder and put it back on the chair handle.

The hunter was fast becoming one of his favourite humans, in spite of the man's habit of insulting him. He did it with such authority and lack of fear that you would swear he was chastising a naughty child, and that was exactly how he made Gabriel feel. It was a novel experience to say the least, and one he found he didn't mind as much as he ought.

As he walked, he wondered idly if the Winchesters had known Bobby when the brothers were children, and if he'd treated their father with the same open bluntness he apparently favoured everyone – from demons to archangels – with. He'd heard enough tales of John Winchester to know it was probably a volatile friendship at best if he had.

When they reached their destination, Gabriel sank gratefully into the old well-worn cushions.

He'd never, in his whole existence, felt as tired and as drained as he did at that moment. His Grace was barely a flicker – it would take time for it to grow in strength again, although having 'Zira and Cas around would help.

So used, as he was, to isolation, Gabriel had forgotten how the mere presence of his brothers felt, how their Grace called back and forth…it healed, encouraged growth, and it calmed him in a way he'd not felt in so very very long…

He watched with a tired smile as Sam began to slide out of the chair, onto the rug beside the couch.

"Hey Sammo – plenty of room for two up here, ya know…" he joked, smirking weakly at Sam's startled expression.

"Don't think you'll be wanting Dean to catch you pair getting all touchy feeling, no matter how much he might like yer angel right now kid," Bobby said to the wide-eyed hunter as he moved the chair out of the way and grabbed some of the cushions from behind Gabriel to toss on the floor, ignoring the Archangel's objection to the theft.

Gabriel was cut off before he could respond by a raised hand from the hunter – though why he let that stop him he didn't know. It was automatic, probably to do with the way Bobby mother-henned so well. Obeying him was instinctual when he reminded Gabriel so strongly of the way Michael had been with Gabriel, Lucifer and Raphael before the fall.

"You're sure you can keep you both safe? 'Cos I got no problem keeping him conscious while you rest and get some strength back first if needs be…there's no need to be stupid about this just to prove a point, you've done more than enough for this family today, Angel."

"I swear, if I thought there was risk I wouldn't have even suggested it – the wards are there, I've got enough Grace to shore them up while I rest. If it makes you feel better, I'll wake us up the second anything feels even slightly off."

"Be sure ya do. Any unnecessary heroics today and I'm likely to start killing idjits."

Gabriel nodded with a grin, before flopping sideways onto his stomach and pulling his feet up onto the cushions at the far end of the couch. Turning his head to face Sam, he reached out and rested his hand lightly on the hunter's hair, ignoring his questioning look or Bobby's widening eyes at the contact. With how weak he was, it was necessary to ensure a stable connection. In fact…

"Hey Sammy, gonna need you to scoot a bit closer to the couch before you close those pretty eyes kiddo –" and okay, so it was sneaky, but hey! The pretty eyes thing had worked to get his attention earlier, hadn't it? "– you're a bit hard to reach out there."

"Reach?" Sam asked, confusion evident in his tone.

Gabriel grinned quickly as Bobby rolled his eyes and headed back to the kitchen, muttering under his breath about idiot Winchesters and inappropriate angel-crushes.

"Yeah, easier for me to be in your head if I'm in contact with your physical body. You don't wanna join me on the couch, that's fine, but I need you close enough that you don't roll outta reach or we might have a problem."

Instead of a reply, Gabriel got a small smile and nod of understanding before Sam scooted forward, lying with his back pressed up against the front of the sofa.

Gabriel smiled down at the weary hunter, letting his arm hang gently down against Sam's chest, and sighed contentedly when Sam's arms folded over his, one hand gripping Gabriel's wrist softly.

"Night Sammy," he muttered, pausing slightly before adding with a tired smirk, "See you in my dreams."

With that, he reached across their Bond with his Grace, and pulled the hunter into a deep sleep.


	17. Realisations

Author's Note: Huge huge huge apologies for such a long delay in posting this - RL's been a bit hectic lately, but hopefully the next chapter won't take quite so long! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed - your comments make me smile! Also to everyone who's put me/my story on alert or favourites...so happy! *grins* Anywho, you've waited long enough, so I'll stop rambling...on with the story!

* * *

**Chapter 17**

The first thing Sam noticed when he opened his eyes was the crystal clear blue sky above him. A quick check assured him that although he was indeed led on the ground in an as yet unknown location, he didn't appear to be in any immediate danger.

Sam rolled slowly to the side and braced his hands on the ground before pushing to quickly rise to his feet.

There were trees on all sides, and not just any old trees either – trees that would make centuries-old redwoods pale into insignificance. They towered over Sam, and if the clearing he was in had been any smaller he'd have probably felt uncomfortably closed in by them.

On the opposite end of the glade was a small lake (large pool? It was that awkward size where you never knew quite what to call it, Sam mused distractedly to himself), and near the edge a figure huddled.

_*Gabriel.*_

As he began to make his way over towards the prone Archangel, Sam wondered where they were. Normally if he wasn't having a nightmare his dreamscape was the cabin – he'd never imagined anywhere this tranquil, this beautiful…it was almost idyllic.

He knelt down as he reached Gabriel, his hand resting lightly on the Archangel's shoulder and pulling with just enough force to roll him onto his back. Gabriel's eyes were closed, his lips parted slightly. If they weren't already in a dream, Sam would think he was sleeping.

Worry filled the hunter, and he wondered if perhaps Gabriel had misjudged again, like with the chair…miscalculated and over-stretched himself, undone whatever healing the new angel - _*Aziraphale,*_ he reminded himself – had done.

"You," Gabriel murmured without any noticeable movement at all besides the slight shift of his jaw, the faint twitch of his lips… "Worry _far_ too much, Sasquatch."

The Archangel's eyes snapped open, hazel meeting brown as Sam leaned over the still figure.

"Relax."

Even as Gabriel spoke Sam felt a hand on his arm, and found himself suddenly sprawled on his back on the ground, his head beside Gabriel's. Deciding that it was probably easier to just go with it, Sam sighed and stared at the sky, wondering what exactly he was supposed to be doing.

"I could hear you thinking a mile away…"

"Not many people could say that and mean it so literally," Sam interrupted with a grin, glancing to the side to see Gabriel grinning back at him.

"Not many people are this awesome kiddo!"

Sam was quiet for a moment before breaking the unexpectedly comfortable silence.

"Not thinking…it's easier said than done – especially with everything that's going on these days."

"That's even more reason to give it a shot – you don't learn to switch that grey matter off occasionally, you'll end up madder than a March hare."

"A March…? You know what – nevermind. Where are we anyway?" Sam asked, deciding that a change of topic was probably a good plan.

"Led on the ground staring at the sky…you didn't hit your head did you Sammy?"

Gabriel's tone was wrong. It wasn't anything big, but Sam could feel it. There was no smirk in the angel's voice – the humour in the words was forced.

He sounded like he had when they'd confronted him in the ring of holy fire – almost desperate to avoid the coming conversation, but with an edge that told of how hopeless an effort he knew it was.

Sam stared at the sky silently, waiting to see if Gabriel would say anything else. He knew that Gabriel knew he was waiting – the archangel had had no concept of privacy as far as Sam's thoughts were concerned thus far, and there was no reason for that to change now. That he hadn't said anything else to change the topic told Sam all he needed to know. Something about this place bothered Gabriel, and if Sam waited quietly perhaps Gabriel would tell him what that something was.

_*Then again, maybe he's just waiting for me to get bored,*_ Sam thought after a few minutes of silence.

He heard Gabriel snort softly next to him, confirming his suspicion that the Archangel had been listening to his thoughts.

"S'kinda hard not too at the moment kid – you think so loud in general, but now this…the Bond deal…I don't think I could shut you out if I wanted to right now…and I don't really want to – it's been a long time since I've had anything close to this."

The last few words were spoken softly, in a voice so filled with pain that Sam looked over at Gabriel again, knowing the grin would be absent now.

The angel was staring straight up again, and Sam's heart clenched at the expression on his face. His face was equal parts loneliness, longing, sorrow, and regret, his hazel eyes unfocussed – looking at but not seeing the cloudless sky above him.

SPNSPNSPN

When he opened his eyes, Gabriel needed barely a second to realise where his mind had placed them.

He considered forcing a change of scenery but decided it was not worth the energy it would take. Instead he focused for a second, and felt the memory freeze around him – he could hear Sam stirring not far from him but everything else became still, and knowing he could keep it that way for a while at least, Gabriel curled back up on his side and closed his eyes against the memory and the thoughts it brought forth.

Sam would come to check on him soon, and he would have to face the Garden then, but he had a few moments to pull himself together first.

There were far worse memories they could've ended up in, it was true – Gabriel had been involved in some of the nastiest parts of history, both human and demonic, and that they weren't in the midst of one of those confrontations was a blessing – but a small part of Gabriel would have preferred the simplicity of being stuck in a nightmare.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and allowed himself to be rolled onto his back. The pulse of worry from the hunter warmed him, even as it tried to overtake him too – this sharing of emotions would take some getting used to. He wondered if Sam, as a human, would be able to experience that side of the Bond at all.

"You," Gabriel murmured, "worry _far_ too much, Sasquatch."

He opened his eyes to see Sam's soft brown ones staring down at him, worry becoming tinged slightly with exasperation as he realized that Gabriel _wasn't_ injured again.

"Relax."

Gabriel reached for Sam's arm – which was still attached at the hand to Gabriel's shoulder, he noted with interest – as he spoke, and tugged quickly, pulling the hunter over him to land on the (quickly cushioned with a thought) ground to Gabriel's left.

Gabriel grinned as the human sighed softly, and decided a little mindless conversation was in order. It had seemed like a good plan until Sam had asked where they were.

"Led on the ground staring at the sky…you didn't hit your head did you Sammy?"

He wasn't dodging the question, not really – just liberally interpreting Sam's meaning.

When he got no reply Gabriel glanced at the hunter. Sam was staring quietly at the blue sky above them, thoughts still as he waited patiently for a real answer to his question.

_*Well shit.*_

He debated silently whether it would be easier to bombard the hunter with conversation or wait him out – after all, Winchesters weren't generally patient creatures, were they?

_**Then again, maybe he's just waiting for me to get bored.**_

Gabriel snorted softly at the thought that suddenly appeared in his overgrown human's head, and as the hunter realised Gabriel was eavesdropping on his thoughts, he decided that perhaps Sam could be distracted from their location after all – with a change of topic that he wouldn't ignore…

"S'kinda hard not too at the moment kid – you think so loud in general, but now this…the Bond deal…I don't think I could shut you out if I wanted to right now…and I don't really want to – it's been a long time since I've had anything close to this."

Gabriel waited for Sam to take the bait, to start asking questions about the aspects of the Bond he hadn't gotten around to explaining yet.

"I heard you…"

Sam's words were barely a murmur, but Gabriel heard them…heard the cautious sense of wonder in them.

"Didn't I? In the car, when you were at Bobby's…it's what made me make Dean stop, what made me run. I didn't even question it, and then everything got so crazy I forgot…"

What had been supposed to be a distraction was fast getting interesting, and Gabriel looked at Sam curiously.

"Anytime you want to start making sense, that would be awesome Sammy…what in Dad's name're you talking about?"

"You were hurt – your side, then your shoulder – I felt like I..like _you_ were dying Gabe. And then all of a sudden I couldn't _feel_ anything, it just shut down, and the only reason I didn't think you were dead was because I _heard_ you just before it happened – I heard you curse, and I heard you apologise to Cas, and I knew I had to get as far away from him as I could before you did whatever you were apologising for."

Gabriel didn't know where to start. What Sam's words were implying…a smile began to form as he realised what the hunter's words might mean.

When he'd first realised he'd Bonded with the hunter, he hadn't known what to expect. That the Bond would always be uneven was a given – the human body simply wasn't designed to cope with the level of power, the sheer volume of memories and thoughts that were part and parcel of being an Archangel, so while Gabriel could feel his connection to the hunter's thoughts…to his state of mind and his emotions…growing slowly, he knew that it was unlikely that Sam would be able to experience the same.

What Sam was saying proved his assumptions wrong. Sam had heard him, had felt his pain, his intentions…

Sam had heard him, had felt his pain.

Gabriel sat up, the memory surrounding them barely registering as he twisted to look at his hunter.

Sam had been a barely coherent, barely conscious mess when he'd arrived at Bobby's with Dean.

Gabriel's blood ran cold – a human saying he'd never fully understood until that second, but saying he was afraid felt like an understatement, whereas that…that fit. His blood ran cold and the smile that had been forming disappeared, leaving an expressionless mask behind.

Sam's words ran through his head again, and he frowned at the point where Sam had caught himself, corrected his wording – the hunter hadn't simply known he was injured, he'd felt the injuries as though they were his own. That wasn't how a Bond was supposed to work. Emotions, yeah, those could get easily confused…but thoughts, physical sensation – Bond-mates were supposed to have an awareness of these things in each other, but no more than that.

That Sam said the pain had disappeared after he'd apologised was small consolation. It had disappeared when he retreated from the Bond, but Sam had arrived in a mess, which meant something else happened after that. He thought he knew, but he needed to be certain…

"Sam, you said you ran after you heard me?"

Sam pushed himself up to sit, mimicking Gabriel's position by folding his legs in front of him in, and nodded.

"What happened after you ran? Because I'm guessing if you ran, you weren't in the state you arrived at Bobby's in, right? And don't down-play anything Sammy – you have no idea how important this is."

"I got a few hundred feet from the car when something hit me – I don't know how to…it was worse than being hurled into a concrete wall by a demon, like fire burning through every cell of my body… The whole world went white, and the next thing I knew Dean was there…"

_*Well shit.*_

Gabriel could feel Sam's memories of what he'd felt as the kid tried to describe it, and the hunter's description didn't even come close. Oh, he wasn't trying to down-play it – he'd listened to Gabriel's warning – he just didn't have the words to properly describe it.

He'd felt the full force of Gabriel's grace hitting him. Despite Gabriel blocking off the Bond. Despite the distance between them.

In fact, those two things were the only reason it hadn't killed the hunter outright. His containing it again so quickly to protect Castiel was the only reason it hadn't destroyed his Bond-mate after the fact, weakened as he was by the sudden onslaught.

"Gabriel…?"

He focussed on Sam's face and realised that his hunter was waiting patiently for an explanation. He thought about sugar-coating it (because everything was better with sugar, he thought weakly), but then remembered his promise to keep his human fully in the loop as far as the Bond went.

"My Grace…" he whispered softly.

At Sam's questioning look, he continued.

"What you felt – it was my Grace. It was me lashing out to kill Zachariah…I didn't realise Sammy – I had _no_ idea the Bond was that strong on your side…if I had…Shit, kiddo! I nearly killed you dealing with that hell-bound, polluted, poisonous sonuvabitch!"

He'd never intended to take a Bond-mate, not even before the first war. The depth of connection he'd seen in others – it had terrified him. After the war…

He had seen what losing Lucifer had done to Michael. Everyone had. How it had broken him, left him less…a shadow of himself with a darkness festering where his Bond had once shone with Lucifer's grace. No-one had Bonded after that, not before Gabriel left Heaven, and he doubted anyone had since.

That he had almost killed his Bond-mate…he couldn't process it, couldn't imagine what would have come next. Couldn't imagine anything being next, ever again.

A mortal death would send Sam to Heaven which, while not somewhere Gabriel had ever planned to go again, was bearable at least. Obliteration by Archangelic Grace was not a mortal death. It was oblivion – no Heaven, no Hell, no Purgatory or wandering the Earth…it was absolute nothingness.

And he'd almost done that to Sam.


	18. A Risk Too Great

Author's Note: Thanks as always go to everyone who reviewed, and everyone who added to favourites or alerts! You're all awesome! *grins*

* * *

**Chapter 18**

"What you felt – it was my Grace. It was me lashing out to kill Zachariah…I didn't realise Sammy – I had _no_ idea the bond was that strong on your side…if I had…Shit, kiddo! I nearly killed you dealing with that hell-bound, polluted, poisonous sonuvabitch!"

Sam didn't know what to say.

He wanted to point out that it was okay – that he was here, alive and breathing – but he remembered what it had felt like.

He remembered three years ago when Jake had slid the knife into his back – the pain, the dimming, the encroaching blackness…

What he'd felt on the highway had been nothing like that.

It had been so much worse, so far _beyond_ it, that Sam couldn't fully describe it even when Gabriel had asked.

Dying was nothing compared to what Gabriel's Grace had done to him, and while he didn't blame the Archangel, some instinct deep inside him couldn't help but pull back in fear.

He watched as Gabriel's anger disappeared, and winced at the pain that replaced it. The angel's eyes became shuttered, and Sam knew he'd been listening in again.

Without even realising what he was doing, Sam reached out and laid his hand on Gabriel's knee.

At the Archangel's surprised look – which Sam preferred to the pained one by far – Sam took a breath and spoke, keeping his hand firmly in place. It was important that Gabriel understood what Sam said next, and the contact might help. At the very least it would help drive home that Sam wasn't about to run a mile in the other direction just because Gabriel could flatten him with all the ease of someone swatting a bug.

_*With more ease, even…*_ he thought apprehensively, before forcing it away and focussing.

"How long have you been on Earth?"

Gabriel's surprise quickly became confusion, but Sam waited a beat and he got his answer.

"Nearly two thousand years."

"And how much longer have you watched humans?"

Sam very carefully thought only about what he needed to say next, not wanting Gabriel to skip ahead of him in his thoughts and risk missing the point.

"Since Dad created Adam…"

"And in all that time you haven't learned that humans _cannot_ control their every thought, and that instinct is just that – instinctive? Fear of something a thousand – _a million _– times more powerful is a genetically inherited safe-guard against danger, Gabriel," Sam said fighting to keep his voice level, to keep it calm.

"Sam…"

Sam ignored the interruption, determined to make his point.

"What happened with your Grace – it wasn't your fault…you had no way of knowing it would use the Bond in that way. I know that – I understand that, and I'm _not_ afraid of you."

When he saw that Gabriel was about to argue, he held up a hand – although not the one on Gabriel's knee – to stop him.

"The sheer power you have at your command is terrifying – I'm not disputing that. What it could do to a person…to me…is terrifying. But I am _not_ afraid of _**you.**_ We've had our problems in the past, sure, but right here, right now? I trust you Gabriel. It's that simple…"

"I nearly _**destroyed**_ you Sammy – there's no after-life with that kind of death…no Heaven…you can't expect me to believe you're okay with that."

Sam stopped for a second to consider that. The thought of nothing after death was strange – he'd always sort-of believed in Heaven, even before Castiel had saved Dean, and he found it difficult to wrap his head around the idea that this life could potentially be all there was…that he had come so very close to not even existing anymore.

He could think of more than one point in his recent history when that thought would have been met with an enthusiasm that made him sick to even consider now. When he would have welcomed oblivion…

Seeing Gabriel's expression start to darken Sam shook his head slightly and gave him a sad smile. He'd been in a dark place, more than once, but he wasn't there now and that was what mattered, what was important.

"Why did you do it?" Sam asked simply, getting straight back to the point.

"Why…? I didn't do it on purpose kid! What the Hell?"

_*Oh come on! You're not an idiot, stop acting like one!*_ Sam thought loudly. At Gabriel's offended look, he smirked. _*If I can hear you when you project thoughts – that's what you did with that apology to Cas, right? – then I figured me projecting would get your attention…giving me chance to do this…*_

Even as he pushed the thought out Sam was moving, leaning forward quickly to use his spare hand to cuff the stunned Archangel on the head.

"Hey! What in Dad's name was that for Sammy?"

"Being an idiot. Now, why did you do it? And by 'it' you know full well I mean 'use your Grace', not 'nearly kill me'."

"Because I needed to stop Zachariah before he killed your friend, and I was out of options."

"So I nearly died to save Bobby's life?"

Sam watched as Gabriel nodded with a frown.

"Good."

"…huh?"

"Good. I can say with absolute honesty that I'm one hundred percent okay with nearly being completely destroyed by your Grace."

And he was. If it saved someone he loved, then he could be okay with it. He loved Bobby like a father – the man was second only to Dean in Sam's affections. If Gabriel had known in advance how the bond would react…if he had held off to save Sam…

"You have to promise me that if we're ever in a similar situation you'll do the same thing. I don't want any more blood on my hands than I already have…promise me, Gabe?"

"I don't think I can do that kiddo – you're my Bond-mate…I can't…"

Sam could hear Gabriel's struggle, could almost feel his torment as he wanted so badly to give Sam what he asked for…he reached out and placed his right hand to mirror his left, so that both Gabriel's knees were now covered. At the Archangel's slightly shocked reaction, Sam smiled softly.

"You knew using your Grace would harm Cas if we were too close, and I think you knew we hadn't had time to get far enough away – so why did you do it anyway?" he asked.

"Because he'd never have forgiven me if I'd let him live at that kind of price. But Sam, you can't draw a comparison – he's my brother, and I'd die for him…nearly did in point of fact…but you're my Bond-mate. What that means…you don't understand…"

"Then explain it to me."

"Bond-mates are two halves of the same Grace – or in our case I guess Soul and Grace? Well, they're two halves of a whole, that's what matters – one without the other, it doesn't work. In the past, a Bond severed by death has generally sought to balance the equation…"

"You mean you'd die too…"

"No. No, I wouldn't, because ours wouldn't be severed by death if I did what you're asking – it would be severed by my Grace. There's only ever been one Bond severed by a Bond-mate intentionally, and the Angel involved didn't die. His wound festered, and the absence of his Bonded twisted his Grace over time into something dangerous, something cold and empty. I'm not a very good angel to start with…"

Sam tried to object to this, but Gabriel's hands on top of his on the Archangel's knees silenced him.

"I'm not Sammy, haven't been for a long time…and the Angel I'm talking about? He was. He was magnificent and kind and everything Dad wanted his first children to be. Now he's cold, ruthless, the perfect General sending his brothers to die and killing those our Father asked us to love above even him."

Sam's eyes widened in shock as he realised who Gabriel was referring to.

"Michael broke his Bond with Lucifer, and became a monster. I'm not half as good as he was Sam, and the years have taught me so much that he'll never know, shown me power that he'd never think to try and use – so I'm asking you…I'm begging you…please don't ask me to do it. What I'd become…"

Sam sat silently as Gabriel trailed off, not sure what to say. He squeezed the Archangel's knee gently, hoping that he could provide some level of comfort, all the while knowing it could never be enough.

Gabriel was right – he couldn't ask it of him. He couldn't help the part of him that thanked God they hadn't known before – he couldn't bring himself to regret Bobby being alive – but he wouldn't make Gabriel take the risk again. He could live with blood on his hands if it came down to it, because the alternative would be so much worse.

Gabriel's power, his intelligence, his resourcefulness, un-tempered by any conscience…if there was anything more terrifying Sam didn't know what it was. Even Lucifer seemed less of a threat than Gabriel could become, because he was arrogant, and his pride gave him a weakness. Gabriel was clever, he was cautious, and he knew how to survive.

Nodding his head slowly, Sam sighed.

"I'm sorry kid – I really am…"

"I know – I…you're right though, I can live with a little blood on my hands if it comes to that – we don't need any more insanely over-powered bad-guys running around. Is there any chance it was a one-off though? Any chance it might not be that bad next time? I mean you used your Grace to heal Cas, right? And it didn't do anything to me…"

"It's different…healing, fighting – the way Grace is used for the two doesn't compare. As far as 'next time' is concerned, we're not even trying it – there's a risk even with something small Sammy, there's too much we don't know. Nope, as much as it sucks, from now on I'm on defense in this fight kiddo."

Sam wracked his brain for a new topic of conversation, needing to disperse the darkness that seemed to have settled over them. Thinking back, he realised something suddenly.

"You never did answer me earlier – where are we?"

Gabriel snorted harshly and shook his head.

"You've got a real knack for finding the worst conversation topics available, you know that Sasquatch?"


	19. Not Always What They Seem

**Chapter 19**

"_You've got a real knack for finding the worst conversation topics available, you know that Sasquatch?"_

"I'm not sureI…"

"We're in a memory…_my_ memory, to be precise," Gabriel cut in. "And I'd appreciate it if you kept what you see here to yourself, it's beyond private kid."

"Then why bring me here at all?"

"Well, as much fun as our little sleepovers in _your_ head are Sammy, I'm not really feeling my best today, so I thought we'd stay at mine, save some energy…and since Angels don't generally sleep, no dreams, and I'm not really up to playing make believe, so we get memories instead," he replied flippantly before loosing Sam's hands – *_how long had I been holding them?*_ he wondered in surprise – and dropping backwards to lie on the ground again, muttering softly "Couldn't have been the damn triplets from Atlantis or my last century with Kali, either could it…? Nope, Dad's gotta screw me over with a trip down sucky-memory lane!"

"I won't say a word…not that there's really much to tell anyway though – what did you do, spend a whole day watching the sky in silence?"

Gabriel raised his head slightly to see the incredulous look on Sam's face at that.

Okay, so he wasn't generally a quiet person…that didn't mean he was incapable of being still did it? He just wasn't fond of it, that's all. Stillness, quiet, it led to thinking, which generally led to thoughts of home…

"It's frozen. I thought maybe I'd keep it frozen until we left, but it's taking a bit more effort than I'd thought it would – probably because I brought you in as well – so I'm gonna have to let it go in a bit, let it play out…I'll probably get sucked into _playing my role_" – he was sure Sam wouldn't miss the irony there – "instead of watching so you'll probably be on your own kiddo. You won't be able to interact, so if you'd rather wander around there's plenty more to see through the trees – you don't have to stick around for the show."

With that Gabriel decided to just get it over with. Any other questions his human had could wait.

Taking a deep breath Gabriel let go of the memory as, with a snap of his fingers, he sent Sam back to where the hunter had woken on the other side of the clearing. He rolled back onto his side and curled in on himself, closing his eyes as things started moving forward with a rustle of leaves in the wind and the twittering of birds in the trees above.

SPNSPNSPN

Between one breath and the next Sam found himself on the far side of the clearing again, staring as Gabriel huddled back in on himself with an air of sorrow so thick that the hunter wanted to insist that Gabriel wake them, that the rest they'd already gotten could suffice for now.

He took a few steps forward before the Archangel's words repeated in his mind.

"_You won't be able to interact…"_

That probably included telling Gabriel to wake them. All he could do was watch, and wait for it to run its course then. Or…

"…_you don't have to stick around for the show…"_

Even as the thought crossed his mind, Sam dismissed it with a surge of anger and guilt – he couldn't abandon Gabriel to whatever was about to happen. Whatever this memory was was painful for the Archangel, and Sam might not be able to do anything practical, but he _could_ be there, and maybe his presence would make things just a tiny bit easier for Gabriel – maybe his support, their bond, would help.

He couldn't deny that he was a little bit curious too though – he knew so little of Gabriel's history, and here was the chance to learn something he was sure he'd never have been told otherwise. It was a selfish thought, but to say he didn't want to know would be a lie, and Sam was trying the whole 'honesty' thing these days, wasn't he?

With a new resolve, Sam began to walk forward again, stopping a few metres from Gabriel to sit on a large, worn rock.

After a few seconds he realised that Gabriel was speaking – a low sound, barely above a whisper, and in a language Sam had never heard before. It would have sounded beautiful if the Angel's voice hadn't been so strained and shaky. He wished he could understand the words…

"…fault, don't blame him Brother…Please, it was my fault. He didn't know, didn't understand…Brother, hear me, _**please**_ – it's _not_ his fault…"

Sam's eyes widened as the lyrical sounds became plain English and he realised what must have happened. Gabriel, while he might be stuck in his past self's role, could still access their bond, could still hear Sam's thoughts, and had…what? Switched to English? Given Sam an understanding of the strange language? Well, whatever he'd done, it wasn't important – what mattered was Gabriel knew he was there, knew he'd stuck around, and was apparently grateful enough (despite the loss of privacy) to translate so that Sam would understand what was happening.

As Gabriel's murmurings continued Sam wondered what they were about – what had happened? Who was Gabriel trying to protect, and from whom?

He didn't have to wait long, as only moments later a bright glow began to grow in the air a few feet in front of the Archangel. Just as the brightness reached levels that made Sam squint, he felt a burst of apology across the bond and the light disappeared, replaced with a human figure. With a start he realised that the newcomer was an Angel, and that Gabriel must have masked the memory of it's Grace with the Angel's human vessel.

The man was tall – not as tall as Sam, but close…definitely taller than Dean – and had short blond hair. He was also, Sam realised suddenly, very familiar. With a stifled snort, Sam rolled his eyes – there was no guessing who this man – Angel – was.

That Gabriel had modelled his brother's vessel after an actor who had portrayed Michael in a film where he'd been mankind's champion against Heaven was telling…he wondered whether it was a conscious move on his friend's part or not. Perhaps it was just a manifestation of Gabriel's wish for his big brother to be on his side, instead of against him…

"Gabriel."

At Michael's voice Gabriel's own was silenced. He slowly uncurled and rose to his feet without once lifting his head. Sam, sat side on to the two, could see that he kept his eyes closed.

"Michael…Brother…"

At the second word his eyes opened, fixing on Michael's face even as his head remained bowed. The pleading look on his face was clear, and Sam wondered what it was for. What had happened?

"_Brother_? You would do this…you would disobey, and incite disobedience in one entrusted to your care, and then call me Brother as if you have done no wrong?"

Michael's voice was hard, his face completely blank – the emptiness in his expression terrified Sam. There was no heat behind his anger, no fire in it – it was cold and calculated, his words chosen to cut. 'Magnificent and kind', Gabriel had called him when he'd described him before Lucifer's fall.

Sam had thought he'd understood what Gabriel had meant, when he'd described the change, when he'd tried to impress on Sam how dangerous he could become…

He hadn't even come close to understanding, he realised now. If what happened to Michael ever happened to Gabriel, it wouldn't be the end of the world...

The end of the world was what they'd all be praying for.

Sam clamped down on the thought even as it formed, and forced it away from the bond – hopefully before Gabriel had sensed it. He focussed back on the Archangels in front of him in time to hear Gabriel reply.

"Disobedience? Michael, Father left…He left us! Our brothers and sisters distrust one another, there is fighting even now – there is talk of attempting to merge the bloodlines, to breed your vessel line with Lucifer's…you know what that would bring, Brother! Is it disobedience to guard against our brothers' interference on Earth?"

Gabriel had never sounded as lost, as broken and unsure as he did in that moment, begging Michael to agree, to tell him that he was right…

"Our Father has not ordered your interference, and in your arrogance you assume that because you have received none, he has given orders to none other of our brothers. The unrest in the Host is…unfortunate…but it will be dealt with. As for the bloodlines, it is not your concern."

Gabriel had listened in silence, had accepted Michael's chastisement in a manner that was unrecognisable as the Gabriel Sam knew.

Sam had always thought, from what Gabriel had said, that it had been the war with Lucifer that had broken the Archangel – had turned him into the cynical being who hid behind a mask of jokes and pranks, of banter and wit and sarcasm – but the Gabriel in front of him was nothing like the Trickster Sam knew. This Gabriel still trusted his big brother to know best, and Sam had the horrible feeling that this memory was the moment that changed.

"You presume to act on your own authority, to know our Father's will, and you involve your fledgling in your crime Gabriel. He could have been a fine soldier…"

"No!"

As Michael allowed the sentence to trail off Gabriel finally reacted, his head shooting up as he exclaimed in protest. Sam had never heard the term 'fledgling' used by Angels before, but given its meaning in the avian world he had a horrible feeling he now knew who Gabriel was afraid would be blamed.

"Where is he? It's not his fault Michael, please! He didn't know we had no orders I swear! What have you done with him…?"

The dread in Gabriel's voice as he forced out the last few words made Sam feel sick – what were the Angels truly capable of, that Gabriel could be so afraid of asking the question?

"You are in no position to be demanding information, _Brother_," Michael sneered, his face twisting in what Sam thought was disgust with the last word.

"Please…Michael, do what you must with me, but please…do not let my mistake bring punishment on him…"

Gabriel's begging was hard for Sam to watch – to see the Archangel so humbled, so small and powerless…it was just _wrong_. The hunter held his breath as he waited for Michael's answer, moments passing in a torturous silence as the elder Archangel studied his brother.

"He will be sent for re-education," Michael said at last.

Gabriel paled to white even as his shoulders dropped and his breath released. His face became a bizarre mix of gratitude and fear, and Sam realised he must have been afraid for his fledgling's life, if something that could inspire fear even now could be accepted with gratitude.

"Your influence will be removed, and he will be sent to Anael's garrison to serve our Father as he was created to, unquestioningly. If you ever attempt to contact him, or exert any influence over him, he _will_ be dealt with, swiftly. Do not doubt that Gabriel."

"Thank you Br…Michael." Gabriel whispered, catching himself as Michael narrowed his eyes in anger at the endearment and using his brother's name instead. His head had fallen again, his eyes the only thing fixed upwards as his gaze never once left the older Angel. "And me…?"

"You will leave. You want to go play on Earth so badly? Then go. You're no longer welcome among the Host, Gabriel. Leave. But stay away from the vessel bloodlines."

Gabriel's head raised slightly at this, and Sam thought for a second that he might argue, but Michael spoke again before he could utter a word.

"I will not hesitate to cast both you and your fledgling into perdition if you interfere with our Father's Plan. Now go, you are no more fit to be in The Garden than _they_ were."

Before Sam had chance to wonder at the last statement – he could think of only one 'Garden', and that he had seen it, even in a memory… – the scene blinked out of existence, replaced by a mountain-top with nothing but ice, rocks and snow in sight. He took a second to wonder at the lack of cold before he noticed that Gabriel had fallen to his knees, his head still bowed.

Without even thinking about it, Sam strode over to the Angel and reached down to put a hand on his shoulder. The figure beside him made no reaction – after all, in his memory he had been alone, there would be nothing for him to react to - but the roiling pain and despair that had been slowly building in his chest throughout the confrontation eased slightly as he felt Gabriel calm through the bond at his presence.

They stayed like that – still, silent – for what felt to Sam like hours.

His earlier teasing of the Archangel about his lack of stillness no longer seemed funny, and he wondered how much of Gabriel's behaviour they had misinterpreted over the years – how much was Gabriel, and how much was masks, defense mechanisms, and distractions?

He wondered what Gabriel had been like before Michael had broken him and cast him out, and he felt shame over their words to the Archangel in the warehouse. He hadn't even defended himself against their accusations, against the way they'd labelled him a coward…

He hadn't run away – he'd been banished, exiled, thrown out of the only home he'd ever known by a family member who should have loved him unconditionally…Sam's mind drew a comparison here that he quickly dismissed. His father had never truly disowned him, and they'd reunited with an ease that had surprised even Sam when it had happened. It didn't begin to compare to Gabriel's story.

And Sam's brother hadn't betrayed him. Despite everything Sam had done, Dean had stuck by him in the end, and Sam found a new understanding for Gabriel's actions in Broward County. Gabriel knew what losing your family felt like – knew what it could do – and he was trying to help Sam find a way to deal with it, but it was more than that, whether Gabriel admitted or even realised it or not.

He hadn't just been trying to teach Sam, he had been punishing Dean.

He had been punishing him for being to Sam what Michael hadn't to him – a loyal and loving big brother.

Finally, the world around them began to darken, to blur out of focus, and with Gabriel radiating reassurance through their bond, as Sam's eyes drifted closed he didn't fight it.

It was time to wake up.


	20. Humans & Little Brothers Are All Idiots

Author's Note: Thanks for all the awesome reviews! And thanks to everyone who's put me/this story on alert/favourites! :-D Apologies for the long-ish wait again - RL has been hectic for myself and my beta lately, but the chapter is finally ready for you guys to read *grins*

* * *

**Chapter 20**

"…dy told you, I don't know!"

Dean's raised voice wasn't what Gabriel had been hoping to wake up to.

No, he'd had plans for some hot chocolate, some sugary treats, and some time with his brothers…

_*Still,*_ he supposed, _*this is what I get for hanging around Winchesters.*_

At the thought, Gabriel's gaze fell down to the very tall, very sleepy Winchester under his arm. He knew the hunter would need more rest, but he wasn't sure he could've dealt with much more of that memory.

The hours they'd spent there were far less here, but they'd been enough that he felt almost like his old self again, which meant he was more than capable of putting them back under in one of Sam's dreams instead for the rest of the night.

_*Well, evening actually,*_ he thought as he glanced at the fading light through the window. _*First thing's first though – best figure out what the commotion's all about.*_

He leaned forward slightly, tightening his arm around Sam's chest as he drew close.

"Wake up, Sasquatch," he murmured softly, before using his free hand to snap himself into the room they'd left Castiel and Dean in.

Finding it empty, Gabriel let out a sigh of relief. Castiel was feeling well enough to be up and about already – it was a good sign.

He'd barely taken a step towards the kitchen when Dean's voice froze him in place.

"He just went all weird and took off, Bobby – – – Shit! They'd better find him alive and in one piece, because I'm gonna kill him!"

Castiel was _gone_? He'd nearly died a few hours earlier, and that thrice damned, stupid, idiotic, careless hunter had managed to send him running already?

He was going to _kill_ him!

With a thought Gabriel was in the kitchen – no need to snap when there was no-one around to see, after all – and bearing down on the irresponsible human who seemed determined to get Castiel killed, one way or another.

"What did you do, Winchester?"

Dean gaped at him wide-eyed as he backed up a few steps – _*Good, you should be scared,* _he thought viciously – but any response he might have made went unheard as a soft whisper and a tug of Grace caught Gabriel's attention.

Sparing a half-second to glare at the hunter, Gabriel snapped his way back to the living room.

SPNSPNSPN

"…dy told you, I don't know!"

Sam blinked blearily as he felt the arm over him shift slightly, pulling him back towards the couch as it tightened in a way that, instead of making him feel restrained or trapped, left him feeling safe and secure, protected…

Before his sleep-addled mind had chance to try and make sense of that, a soft voice broke the silence following Dean's outburst.

"Wake up, Sasquatch."

With that the arm disappeared, replaced by a rush of cool air that had him shifting to try and escape its icy clutches.

He wasn't sure how long they'd been asleep, but he'd expected to feel more rested than this when he woke up.

"He just went all weird and took off, Bobby."

He twisted slightly and used the edge of the couch to pull himself to his feet as Dean's voice rang out through the house.

"Shit! They'd better find him alive and in one piece, because I'm gonna kill him!"

Sam felt a flash of panic, followed by frustration and tightly reigned in anger – which made no sense, because he was just tired, what did he have to feel any of those about? – and then Dean's voice wasn't the only one raised.

"What did you do, Winchester?"

"Gabriel…?" Sam muttered softly, wondering what he'd missed in the whole ten seconds the Archangel had been gone.

In a blink Gabriel was there again, one hand resting gently on Sam's arm to steady him slightly.

"Geez Sasquatch, sit down before you fall down!"

A slight push had Sam falling into the old worn cushions of Bobby's couch with a sigh, and he felt his eyes start to drift shut again.

"Oh no you don't!"

Sam felt two hands firmly grasp his shoulders, and he tried to focus on Gabriel's face in front of him as the whole world started to shake…no…wait…it wasn't the world that was shaking, it was him! Gabriel was shaking him…and still talking, Sam realised with a start.

"…to sleep, we've got a situation, I can't do dream-watch right now…how long were we out anyway?"

A few seconds after the shaking stopped, Sam finally managed to focus and he realized that Gabriel was leaning over him, hands still fixed to his shoulders. He was staring down at him with big, hazel eyes mixed with swirls of gold that made them shine in the dimly lit room.

Sam stared drowsily up at them, entranced as the swirls drifted and danced around hypnotically whilst the Archangel's voice washed softly over him.

"Your brother is a pain in the ass you know…Sammy…? Oh for…! Wake up kid!"

Sam felt a warm burst of something low in his chest, and it spread quickly through every inch of his body until he practically leapt from the seat and started bouncing on the rug in front of the couch, Gabriel having taken several quick steps back.

He felt wide awake suddenly – as buzzed as if he'd been mainlining coffee for the last few hours non-stop.

"What did you do?" he asked the now grinning Archangel.

"Gave you a little energy boost Sammy – wasn't sure it would work, but you needed it kiddo. We only managed," Gabriel paused as he glanced at the clock on the wall across the room, "three hours' sleep, and already your brother's managed to scare mine off. Not that you need it, but you can get your beauty sleep later kiddo. Come on, we're in the kitchen."

With that Gabriel grinned and snapped his fingers, and Sam blinked as the living room was suddenly replaced with the kitchen. He raised an eyebrow at the small figure beside him.

"What, we couldn't have walked a few metres?"

"Gimme a break Sammy, after the day I've had I need to stretch my wings."

Sam rolled his eyes and turned to face Dean and Bobby.

"So what's got him in such a flap?" he asked, realising suddenly that Gabriel, for all that he was joking, _was_ in a bit of a state – the panic, the frustration, the anger…he only vaguely remembered feeling them earlier but they were clear as day now, and they were coming not from him, but from the bond…from Gabriel.

"Cas is gone."

Dean's response was short, to the point, and punctuated by an empty bottle being dropped with slightly more force than necessary into the trash as Dean began pacing back and forth. The way Bobby rolled his eyes with a slight head-shake told Sam that his brother had probably been like this since the Angel had disappeared.

"And Deano here was just about to tell me what he did to send the littlest Angel running the second he woke up from almost dying, weren't you Hotshot?"

Sam almost held back a wince at Gabriel's scathing tone, until he noticed the fury on his brother's face. There was no way in h…no way on earth this was ending well, he thought with a sigh.

Five minutes, that's all he wanted. Five minutes to take a few breaths, sip a nice cool beer, and just _relax_…was that really so much to ask?

He felt a wave of amusement and looked over to see Gabriel grin quickly, before turning back to glower at Dean.

"Well…?"

Dean stopped pacing again, and ran one hand roughly through his hair.

"Cas woke up two hours ago – we talked, I set him straight on a couple of things…"

Sam didn't miss the glance Dean shot him at that. It still hurt to think that Cas had honestly believed he'd said 'yes'.

"…and then he asked why he wasn't dead. I told him you'd saved his life, and that's when he started getting weird."

"Define _weird_."

"He wanted to know what saving him had cost, and when I didn't understand he started apologising and then took off. End of story."

"What it cost?" Sam asked, confused.

"Don't ask me Sammy…like I said – I didn't have a clue what he was going on about."

"Did you tell him _how_ I saved him?"

Sam glanced away from Dean to look at the Archangel as he felt a burst of exasperation echo across the bond.

"I, uh…what difference does how make? You saved him, isn't that what matters?"

Sam had to hold back a grin at Gabriel's reaction – somehow he didn't think Dean would see the funny side…

"Humans!" Gabriel cursed, not even hesitating as he raised his hand in Dean's direction and snapped.

Where his brother had been standing a second earlier, now there stood a six foot high, three foot wide brick wall.

Bobby spluttered before turning on Gabriel.

"Fix him."

"No."

Bobby's face was getting redder by the second, and Sam decided it might be a good idea to intercede before Bobby got on Gabriel's bad side too.

"Uh, Gabe?"

When the Archangel turned to face him, Sam gestured questioningly towards his brother.

"What? I'll get more sense talking to that than your brother Sammy!"

Sam bit back a laugh, and raised an eyebrow. Gabriel was angry, irritated, and afraid for Castiel, but Sam wasn't really worried – he wouldn't hurt Dean seriously, not when doing so would hurt Sam.

"Oh fine, fine…but when he starts shouting again, you can deal with it – I'm going to go find my errant baby brother."

"Your friends have been looking for two hours now, what makes you think you'll have better luck?" Bobby asked churlishly.

"I know Cassie…I've touched his Grace. I can find him, trust me."

"What if you run into trouble? You nearly died Gabe, three hours ago you nearly bled to death and now you want to go out looking for trouble? Surely Cas'll be fine until the others find him?"

Sam couldn't shake the image of Gabriel sprawled on the floor in Bobby's bedroom choking on his own blood. Surely he needed more than three hours of not even vaguely restful sleep to get over that?

"I'm fine kid, I know my limits…"

"Right, you know them so well you nearly got yourself killed earlier…" Sam interjected.

"I _know_ my limits, and yes I nearly died earlier – but that would've been my choice. I chose to help my Brother despite the risks. Now there is no risk – I'm back on the top of my game, so I'm sure as hell not sitting around here while Cassie needs help."

"He ran off…maybe he just needs space?"

"Space won't do him much good when Heaven catches up to him Sammy."

"He's been on the run for a while now and they haven't caught him…I think he knows how to stay out of their way…" Sam pointed out.

"Most of his Grace was locked away then, inaccessible and unnoticeable…almost all of it in fact. Now it's all there for him to use, and for the whole world to see if it doesn't occur to him that he needs to hide it…"

"In which case, wouldn't Aziraphale and Crowley have found him by now?" he cut in quickly.

"It's a big planet, and there's only two of them – there are dozens of my brothers and sisters on Earth at the moment Sammy, all it'll take is one of them spotting him, and then he'll have the whole Host on his ass – he _needs_ to be found, and he needs to be found _**now**_. I can do that, so can we please stop wasting time here?"

Sam hadn't even considered what might happen if Michael or the other angels caught up with Castiel, but having it laid out so plainly, he realised that Gabriel was right, they were wasting time they couldn't afford…time Cas couldn't afford. He might have already hidden himself, but if he hadn't…

"Go. Just…fix Dean first please?"

"You sure you wouldn't rather wait until I bring Castiel back, you know, so he's in a better mood…?"

For a second Sam was tempted, but knew there'd be hell to pay later if Dean found out he'd left him like that for longer than necessary. Sighing, he shook his head.

"No, we've got some stuff to sort out, might as well do it now."

"Suit yourself, Sasquatch…won't be long."

With that Gabriel snapped, and was gone in the same breath that Dean started cursing up a storm as he landed in a heap on the floor.


	21. Worries and Accusations

**Author's note: I cannot apologise enough for the ridiculous delay in updating this story - RL has been totally kicking my ass, and I simply haven't had the time to do this story justice (anyone who's written a long-ish story will agree they're the worst to update, because there's so much to keep track of when you write so you don't contradict yourself or screw up the plot lol). Anywho, thanks a huge ton to everyone who's read, reviewed and alerted - especially the latter two, since they drove me to finally sit down and puzzle everything out and get back to work :-D You guys are awesome! I only hope this chapter is good enough to compare to the rest of the fic so far, and I promise to try my best not to take even half so long updating again :-D (reviews will definitely help my resolve with that... *grins*)**

**Anyway, enough blathering, on with the story...**

* * *

When Castiel had left Dean, he'd had no idea where he was going.

All he'd been sure of was that he had to get away, fast. The longer the Bond was active, the closer he was to Dean, the stronger it would grow and he couldn't allow that.

Long-buried anger rose to the surface as he flew – Archangel or not, he had had _no right!_ Nearly two thousand years, and Gabriel hadn't changed a bit. Still doing as he pleased and damn the consequences for everyone else.

He'd blocked the Bond as best he was able for now, and needed distance to do more. Reaching out, Castiel checked the planet below for traces of his Brothers.

There were a few areas that would be safe, but that one…yes, that one was perfect, he thought as he altered course and flew to the church in a fraction of a second.

It was derelict, probably no longer structurally sound, but it didn't need to be, not for what he had in mind. The town was abandoned, so there was little chance of his being interrupted, and the energy of the church left from more than a century ago was enough that it would mask his Grace for as long as he needed it to.

Being almost human had taught him caution, and Castiel found a sheltered alcove from which he could see the main room clearly whilst remaining mostly out of sight.

Closing his eyes, he turned his focus inwards, and felt for his Bond to Dean.

What he found dismayed him.

Already, it was strong. Not _too_ strong, but it would be a near thing – there was no time to waste. Severing it would not be the work of a few moments; it would take time and concentration if he didn't want to risk hurting his friend.

SPNSPNSPN

Gabriel forced himself to focus solely on his Brother as he flew – thoughts of Sam, of their shared 'dream'…they were things that could wait.

Careful to avoid those areas glowing with Grace – really, his Brothers needed to learn a little discretion! – Gabriel picked out Aziraphale and Crowley almost immediately. Crowley was skulking around Europe, far from the bulk of Gabriel's brethren, whilst his better half was traipsing across Africa - _*and doing a damn good job of appearing inconspicuous*_ Gabriel thought with a grin. He reached out further, searching for Castiel and finding within seconds the Grace that was almost as familiar to him as his own.

Gabriel's Brother and his mate could've been further from Castiel if they'd tried, he mused, but not by much. With a thought Gabriel took flight again, reaching his destination in the blink of an eye.

New Zealand.

The whole world, and his little brother had run to an abandoned town in New Zealand.

Forget Vegas and its bright lights, or Hawaii and its beaches…who needs them when you've got run-down churches in abandoned mining towns?

_*For Dad's sake! Cassie really needs to get out more! Once this apocalypse is dealt with, we're __**so**__ taking a vacation.*_

Gabriel walked towards the church, not wanting to startle the younger Angel.

At least he'd had the sense to mask his Grace – that had been Gabriel's biggest worry. Heaven wouldn't look twice at a slight spike in Holy energy coming from a religious building, abandoned or not – after all, abandoned buildings got re-opened all the time.

As he neared the church door, Gabriel noticed that something was off. The Grace he could feel was too much, too strong…almost as if it was no longer properly contained…

Had Castiel been injured? Had he gotten into a fight, been attacked, and run here to escape? If his vessel was damaged…

Panic flooded Gabriel as he flew. He landed a few feet from Castiel, all thought of not startling him gone.

He pulled up short at the sight that greeted him.

Castiel was hunched over, struggling to stay on his feet in a small, shaded alcove. His eyes were glassy, sweat beaded across his forehead, but there was no visible wound, no blood…just _Grace_, leaking out as though straight through his skin.

In front of him, knuckles white from the pressure, Castiel held his sword at the ready, and Gabriel saw on his brother's face the moment he recognised him. The younger Angel's eyes widened slightly, and Gabriel waited for the sword to lower so that he could move in and figure out what had gone wrong.

He'd been so sure that Bonding with Dean would help, but it seemed he'd missed something, and he needed to fix it before it got any worse.

To say he was a tiny bit surprised at what happened next, would be like saying that Lucifer was a tiny bit naughty, or Michael a tiny bit militant.

"Leave, Gabriel."

Castiel's voice was strained, his breathing laboured. But his tone as the sword rose a little higher was unmistakable – cold, hard…empty of all friendly feeling.

"Now Cassie, that's hardly the way to greet the guy who saved your life!" Gabriel joked, forcing a grin he didn't feel to cover up the hurt that he did.

He'd expected mistrust and dislike from the humans, but Cas…he'd always thought that Castiel would at least be willing to listen, especially now that he was on their side.

"You had no right. To take away his free will like that…it is unconscionable Gabriel!"

"Take away…? What are you talking about Castiel? You're not making sense…"

"You used Dean – you forced a Bond on him without his knowledge or permission!"

Gabriel reeled at the accusation. Castiel thought that Dean didn't know…? Didn't understand…?

_*__**Damned**__ Winchester! Couldn't have given Cassie all the facts before he let him run off, could he?*_

As soon as this was dealt with, Dean's car was getting a new paint-job. And re-upholstering. In _**pink**_. And all his cassettes were being replaced with show-tunes. Or Queen.

_*I bet Crowley still hasn't figured that one out…* _he thought with a fleeting grin.

First things first though…

"I didn't…" he began, but was cut off by Cas.

"It was lucky I awoke when I did – another few hours and it would have been too late. New Bonds of this kind are weak, it's painful but they can be severed with little lasting effect on those involved if it is done carefully. I don't know what your plan is, but it will not work – another few minutes and it will be done, Dean will be free."

As his Brother spoke, Gabriel's panic increased. He could feel a faint worry radiating from Sam across their Bond, but he ignored it. He could apologise to his Bond-mate later.

"You idiot!"

Okay, not very diplomatic, but time wasn't exactly a luxury at the exact moment.

"The Bond is the only reason you're not dead – severing it _will_ kill you! Winchester knew _exactly_ what he signed up for, Castiel. You think I would force something as intimate as this on anyone without their knowledge?"

Nevermind that that was exactly what he'd done to Sam, albeit unintentionally. He was lucky the hunter didn't blame him…he was beyond lucky that Sam actually accepted the Bond…

He shook off the thought before Castiel had chance to interrupt.

"If you're gonna be pissed about this, be pissed for yourself bro! You're the only one who didn't get a choice in this, and I _am_ sorry for that, but as I saw it, it was simple – Dean and Sam need you, Dean especially…so I took a gamble. You were willing to die _for_ him. I figured that probably meant you'd be willing to live _with_ him if he had no objections."

"He did not – – – he was confused – when I asked what saving me had cost, he had no idea…"

The younger Angel sounded lost and unsure, the fight leaving him suddenly, and with it his strength as he stumbled backwards to lean against the wall.

"And it didn't occur to you that maybe that was because he didn't consider it a price to pay? He sold his _**soul**_ for his brother's life, Castiel – you think he wouldn't try to save the Angel who pulled him from the pit? Who gave up Heaven for him? Who _died_ for him? The man's main talent in life is self-sacrifice, and you thought he'd stand by and watch you die?"

"I did not…"

Gabriel watched as Castiel trailed off, deflated and unable to find the words to expression his confusion.

"Stop it Cassie, _now_, while there's still time – – – _**please**__._ I'm not letting you die here, so just stop it before I have to resort to desperate measures. Again."

Gabriel poured every ounce of feeling, of sincerity, into his words, praying that his brother would listen, would mend the Bond before his Grace destroyed his vessel completely.

"Why do you care…?"

His voice was barely a whisper, his sentence punctuated by the dull thud of his sword hitting the ground as he became too weak to grip it.

"Fix it and we'll talk. You don't have time for this Cas – fix it, and I'll answer anything you ask, I swear…"

Gabriel was getting desperate.

He'd said he wouldn't let Castiel die, but the truth of it was that if the younger Angel didn't repair the Bond before it broke, he didn't know if he _could_ save him. It had been a long shot in the first place, and the idiot was throwing it away over a misunderstanding and a two millennia-old grudge.

Desperate times…

"If you do this…if you throw away what he tried to do for you, Dean will never forgive you Castiel. Giving up is never an option to him, and that's what you're doing. You're spitting on everything he's done for you, on everything he believes in."

He almost shook with the effort of keeping his voice steady, his tone cold and harsh.

Pleading hadn't worked, maybe this would. If he could just make him angry enough, make him guilty enough…

He fought down a grin as Castiel's head shot up, his eyes narrowed.

The air around them crackled with energy, and Gabriel was flooded with relief as he felt the Bond flare back into being.

It had been close – too close – but he'd done it.

Now he just had to deal with his pissed off baby brother…how hard could that be?

"Why do you care so much Gabriel? What do you get out of this?"

Castiel's voice was cold again as he pulled away from the wall. He scooped up his sword as he stalked towards Gabriel, stopping with barely a foot between them.

"I'm just trying to help…"

"Help? Since when do you help, Gabriel? You run, remember? You run, and you leave others to suffer the consequences!"

"I didn't…"

"Save your excuses!" Cas hissed, his face mere inches away as he towered above the small figure. "Sam may trust you, but I do not. I might not know why you helped me, but it certainly was _not_ out of the goodness of your heart – you don't _**have**_ one. Stay away from the Winchesters Gabriel, they have beenthrough_ enough_."

Before Gabriel could draw breath to reply, Castiel was gone.

Gabriel made no move to follow – he could have caught up to his brother easily, but he had neither need nor inclination. Castiel was headed back to the Winchesters, he'd have known that even if he hadn't felt Sam's jolt of pleased surprise at his return; Gabriel was in no rush to see his brother again.

He'd succeeded – he should be happy right? And he was – of course he was, but the venom in Castiel's voice as he'd spoken, the absolute, utter hatred that radiated from his entire being...

He'd hoped that joining the Winchesters would give him back a part of something he'd thought lost, but now…

The depth of Castiel's anger was far greater than he'd feared. And suddenly he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to get past it.

With barely a thought he left the church, running entirely on instinct.

When he landed on the snow covered mountain top, he barely registered his surroundings; instead he fell to his knees, bowed his head and closed his eyes, oblivious to Sam's growing worry and concern emanating from their Bond.

SPNSPNSPN

Trying to talk to Dean about anything while Cas was missing was, Sam realised quickly, a lost cause. If it didn't involve immediate threat to either life or limb for Sam or Bobby, Dean wasn't hearing it until Castiel was safe.

Sam just wished he knew what was going on.

He felt like he was on an emotional rollercoaster as panic, worry, confusion, annoyance, hurt, desperation and fear washed over him in turns, and when relief finally hit, Sam almost collapsed into the chair, glad that it – whatever _it_ was – was over.

Expecting Gabe and Cas to return at any moment, Sam moved to nudge his brother where he was slumped over the counter, another beer clutched loosely in his hand.

The wave of hurt caught him off-guard, freezing him with arm outstretched.

Something was still wrong.

Sam pulled his arm back and began wishing he'd gone with Gabriel…being stuck here, not being able to help, not knowing what was happening…it was torturous.

He felt Gabriel's pain grow as the seconds ticked by, focussing on it as though if he tried hard enough he might divine its source.

He was so focused that Castiel's sudden appearance at Dean's side caught him entirely by surprise.

"Cas!"

He couldn't stop the grin that formed at the sight of the Angel, and at his brother's startled jump.

"Cas? What the hell, man? Where'd you go?"

Suddenly Dean was standing next to Castiel, bottle forgotten on the table as his hand now gripped the Angel's arm tightly as though he might leave again if Dean didn't hold on.

As if Dean's grip could stop him leaving if he wished.

Sam bit back a snort at the thought that actually, it probably would as he noticed the way the Angel was gazing at his brother in wonder.

"We must talk, now," was all the answer Dean got, and then suddenly Sam was alone.

Alone with Gabriel's despair radiating through every inch of his body.

What had happened?

Where was his Archangel?

Not knowing what else to do, Sam ran to the summoning circle he'd drawn earlier out near the car.

He couldn't find Gabriel himself, but maybe Crowley could.

All he knew was he needed to do something now, because he was starting to lose his hold on the fact that it _wasn't_ his pain he was feeling, and he knew that if he let it, Gabriel's anguish would swallow him whole.

* * *

**So...? Did I do good? If it sucks, please tell me and I'll try my best to fix it - it's been so long since I wrote the rest that it was hard to get back in their heads...**

**Sarah x**


	22. Interesting Discoveries

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay! Still, new chapter in less than three weeks isn't bad :-D**

**Now, on with the story!**

* * *

"You know, you could just call Bigfoot."

Crowley waved a small, sleek black object at the hunter.

"You've got a cell-phone."

At Sam's disbelieving tone, Crowley chuckled.

"What, your brother's angel can join the twenty-first century, but an old demon like me can't?"

He grinned as annoyance flashed on the human's face – a small victory, maybe, but still sweet. Besides, he limited himself to minor annoyances, aggravations, pranks, practical jokes, and tiny temptations these days – wouldn't want to upset the Angel, after all.

"Unless you've got Gabriel's number on there, I could care less right now."

What exactly had he missed while he'd been out Angel-hunting?

"Who pissed on your barbeque, grumpy? You know, _you_ called me…"

"Can you find Gabriel?" Sam cut in sharply.

_*Americans. No manners at all.*_

"Hey, I signed on to stop the apocalypse – _again_ – – not to be the Winchester's own personal 1-800-find-an-angel…you should learn to keep track of them better if you're going to keep them around. You don't see me losing _my_ Angel, do you?"

Now that he looked a little closer, he could tell something was wrong.

The boy reeked of misery…it saturated every inch of his soul – and wasn't that an interesting looking soul? He'd have to remember to have a little word with Gabriel about that later…

Holding his hands out to stop Sam from replying, he quickly continued.

"Let me call 'Zira – I've got a feeling we'll need him."

Crowley dialled his phone, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Just as he was sure he was going to get the infernal – well annoying at least – answerphone, it connected.

_[This isn't __**really**__ a good time, dear…]_

Aziraphale's voice sounded strained, his breathing heavier than normal.

Crowley tried to keep calm – after all, if anything were really wrong he wouldn't have been able to answer at all, right?

"Angel…? What's going on?"

_[I may have…misjudged, slightly – thought I'd found the lad, but it turned out to be one of my…less reasonable…relations.]_

"For Someone's sake! Where are you now?"

_[Somewhere over Antarctica I think…he's fast, although I don't think he's had chance to call for back-up yet…]_

Crowley hissed in annoyance. Damned self-righteous little buggers…where did they get off chasing _his_ Angel?

"Head to Carthage, Missouri – there's a demon infestation there, that should distract the little bugger…been meaning to set someone on them anyway."

_[But what if he's out-numbered dear? I wouldn't want him getting hurt…]_

He held back a groan.

The little git was chasing his Angel, trying to hurt _his_ Angel, and what was his Angel worried about?

"He can call for back-up. It's called self-defense Angel – how d'you plan on getting rid of him? Ditch the pest and get back to Singer's…we've got a brand new problem."

Without waiting for a reply, Crowley hung up the phone and looked back over at Sam.

"You know, we've managed to stay off their radar for twenty years, so I hope you idiots appreciate this."

SPNSPNSPN

He had to admit, Crowley's plan had been a good one. One glance at the town had been more than enough to grab the other Angel's attention, and it had been all Aziraphale could do not to join him down there.

To say that the town was infested was an understatement of titanic proportions. There wasn't a single human left alive in the place, and as he forced himself to continue on his way he felt the rise in Grace as his brother did, as Crowley had predicted, call for reinforcements.

_*At least those demons won't have the chance to hurt anyone else,*_ he mused as he changed paths and headed for the salvage yard.

His brothers would likely level the whole town.

SPNSPNSPN

"There you are boy! Where's yer idjit brother?"

Bobby headed down the steps from the porch and crossed over to where Sam was standing with the demon.

"Cas came back – he took Dean somewhere to talk."

"He came back? Just like that?" Crowley interjected. "And never mind the poor sods scouring the whole bloody Earth for him, because he's gotta go talk to Winchester? Well that's just lovely. Really."

Great, now instead of a mopey hunter, Bobby had a pissy demon to deal with.

He took a deep breath and began slowly counting under his breath. He was a few steps shy of just locking himself in the panic room and hanging a 'do not disturb' (spelt 'piss off!') sign on the damn door.

"I was getting to that…you wanted to wait for Aziraphale first, remember?"

Bobby glanced between the two, confused.

Surely Castiel coming back was good news, wasn't it?

"What am I missing? Because it seems to me that if the angel's back the problem's solved…"

"Cas came back. Gabriel didn't."

"Did he say why?"

"He grabbed Dean, said they needed to talk, and left. Something's wrong with Gabriel, and I don't know what, or where he is Bobby…"

"So you called the demon…"

"'The demon' has a name you know!"

Bobby ignored the indignant protest – he knew Crowley's name, but if he had to put up with annoying idjits, he could at least annoy them right back some.

"…to tell him to forget Dean's angel, and find yours instead? This is why yer daddy never let you boys have pets, you know!"

"Well, that's hardly a very flattering comparison Robert."

Bobby spun around to see a slightly ruffled angel standing by the Impala.

"Angel! Thank Someone! That bastard didn't hurt you did he?"

"Relax, dear, I said he was fast…I didn't say I wasn't faster."

SPNSPNSPN

"Now what's this new problem?" Aziraphale asked as he smoothed his jacket down – it had gotten a little skewed in the storm over Russia. He frowned briefly at the singes on his right sleeve…infernal lightning!

He hadn't flown so fast in… Goodness, it had to have been about three millennia! He hadn't known he still had it in him, really – it was nice to see that he could still out-pace the younger generation when he needed to though, he thought with a slight smile.

"Gabriel went to find the littlest angel – the kid came back, but Gabriel's gone A.W.O.L. now, and, well…just look at Bigfoot over there…"

Aziraphale frowned quickly at Crowley – really, you'd think his demon could at least _try_ to be polite occasionally…what if the human was sensitive about his height? – before doing as he suggested, and turning to examine the young hunter.

What he saw…

It took everything he had not to shy away from it.

No wonder Crowley had said they had a problem.

"Samuel, do you know what's wrong with Gabriel? Is he injured?"

"No…I mean, I don't think so – I felt it last time, so I think he's okay physically…"

"Just physically?"

"He feels…empty. There's nothing there, it's just…it's like after M…"

Aziraphale didn't miss what the hunter had almost said. He'd cut himself off quickly enough that Robert and Crowley seemed not to have noticed that he was doing more than pausing for breath though, which was good – he doubted Gabriel would appreciate a breach of confidence, even if it was accidental.

"It's bad okay? I don't know what happened, but I need to get to him, soon…"

He'd never seen an emotional wound so bad it could mark a Bond like this…but then, he thought looking closer, it had been a _very _long time since he'd seen a Bond like this at all. Just what had Gabriel been doing?

"We won't be able to find him…"

As the hunter moved to object he held up a hand to stay him.

"You need to remember, Gabriel has spent the last two thousand years perfecting being invisible. If he doesn't want us to find him," he said, gesturing to Crowley and then himself, "then we won't be able to find him. _But_, we don't necessarily need to find him, do we? You said _you_ need to get to him…why?"

"What do you mean, why? He's in pain! I need to get to him, to do…I don't know! Something, at least! Help him somehow…"

Seeing that the human was starting to get worked up again, Aziraphale decided to get to the point. There would be time for explanations later – one couldn't expect children to understand everything quickly, after all, and Sam's distress wouldn't be doing Gabriel any favours.

"I can help you use your Bond to get to wherever he is…"

"Angel…?"

Aziraphale quickly cut off Crowley's interruption with a shake of his head.

"Not now, dear – I'm a little busy…right, where was I? Oh yes, the Bond – it should be a fairly simple process if it works – but once you're there we probably won't be able to find _you_ either. You'll be stuck there, unless Gabriel is able to help you return. It's a risk Sam…I've seen him hurting like this before…it took a _very_ long time for him to snap out of it."

"Do it."

"Son, maybe you should listen to the angel's warning – what if…"

"It doesn't matter, Bobby. I _need_ to go."

Aziraphale watched as Sam turned back to face him, determination glowing in his eyes so strongly he almost swore he could see a hint of Grace behind it.

Gabriel _definitely _had some explaining to do when he got back.

"Do it."

"Very well. I need you to listen very carefully, and do exactly as I say. And whatever you do, keep your focus – Robert, Crowley, I'll need you to stay very quiet, dears…are you ready Samuel?"

The young man nodded resolutely – Gabriel was in good hands with this one, at least.

"I'll need you to close your eyes," he watched as the hunter did so without hesitation – weren't hunters supposed to be a suspicious old bunch? – and then carried on. "Right – now feel inside, find the spot where your connection to Gabriel feels strongest…it will probably be near your chest…? Don't speak, just nod when you've found it…"

It took a few moments, but finally the hunter bobbed his head in a nod.

"Now, I need you to picture it in your mind, like a rope, or a tunnel perhaps? Yes like a tunnel…now in a minute – not yet, when I say – you're going to follow that tunnel, and you're going to keep following it until you get to the other end. It'll probably get harder the further you go, but whatever you do, you can't lose your focus, okay Samuel?"

He waited for the hunter to nod his understanding again before continuing.

"Now this is going to be the tricky bit, because you won't know where Gabriel is – when you get to the other end you'll need to picture yourself standing next to Gabriel. Hopefully he'll sense you and be able to help, but if he can't then try to picture him, focus only on him and let the background blur out of focus, that should do the trick. Once you've got the image in your head, put it at the end of your tunnel, and walk out. Did you get all that Sam? Is there anything you need me to repeat?"

As he spoke he watched the hunter's face screw-up in concentration, and smiled as, after a moment's thought, he shook his head.

He glanced over at Robert and Crowley and stifled a smile at their differing expressions. Robert looked in turns worried, confused, and incredulous, but Crowley…

He smiled at the expression on his mate's face, before turning back to the human.

"Okay. Then in that case, good luck, my boy. If you've got your tunnel, just start walking whenever you're ready."

SPNSPNSPN

Crowley watched in wide-eyed disbelief as his mate talked the human through a Bond-walk.

A Bond-walk!

The Angel needed his head examined.

"Okay. Then in that case, good luck, my boy. If you've got your tunnel, just start walking whenever you're ready."

You could've knocked him over with a feather when, after a short silence, the human flickered slightly, before actually disappearing.

"It…I mean…it…Angel…?"

"Yes dear?"

"Did that just…?"

"Yes dear."

"Right. Of course it did."

"Someone mind explaining what the hell just happened? I mean, for those of us who don't have unearthly powers and knowledge at our disposal…like, oh I don't know, _me_ for instance?"

"You're not the only one lacking some facts Singer…" Crowley said before turning back to his Angel. "That shouldn't have worked."

It shouldn't have.

It really, one hundred percent, should have worked about as well as…well, about as well as a lemon drop powering a nuclear reactor, actually…

Damned humans…couldn't just leave things alone – – – had to go messing with the laws of the universe.

Crowley liked his universe as it was, thank you very much.

He liked its laws.

"And yet it did."

"You know something, Angel…"

The sneaky little bugger had information he wasn't sharing…

"He needed to do _something_ – I figured it might be worth a try, that's all."

"Most _**Angels**_ can't Bond-walk – the Bonds haven't been strong enough in millennia. So how in the hel…heav…how on earth did that _**human**_ manage it?"

"Their Bond _is_ strong enough. Now who wants a nice cup of tea, hmm?"

Crowley watched in frustration as his Angel started off towards the house, the older hunter following closely behind him.

"What do you mean strong enough?" Crowley asked, catching up to them. "How could it possibly be…"

Crowley stopped dead as he realised what the Angel was implying.

"Oh…OH. You don't mean…?"

"Precisely, dear."

"Impossible."

The Angel paused and glanced up at him. With a slight tilt of his head and raised brow, he replied with a smile that, for Aziraphale, was positively_ smug_.

It was a good look on him, Crowley thought distractedly.

"No, merely improbable."


	23. And I Would Bond–Walk 500 Miles

**Okay, I really have to start with a huge apology for taking so long to update - I've lost count of the rewrites I've done of this chapter! I'm finally happy with it, and it's beta-approved, so you guys get to see what's going on next. Hopefully the next chapter will give me less trouble and be up a bit quicker :-D**

**Oh, and if any of you are on LJ, or just huge Sam/Gabriel fans, check out the comm I'm co-modding over there: Sabriel's Everlasting Birthday Challenge (.com/) - Sign-up, leave some prompts, claim a prompt or two if they take your fancy...just check it out guys! :-D**

**Now, on with the story:**

* * *

"I'll need you to close your eyes."

Sam let his eyes fall shut without a second thought. No doubt he'd be getting the lecture on recklessness off Bobby later - it'd be strange to be on the receiving end of it, instead of just watching Dean or his Dad get it. Somehow Sam didn't think it would be as much fun. It would be worth it if this worked though; if it got him to Gabriel it would definitely be worth it.

"Right - now feel inside, find the spot where your connection to Gabriel feels strongest…"

A single spot?

Sam's whole body ached with Gabriel's hurt, with Gabriel's pain, with _Gabriel_. How was he supposed to pinpoint a single spot in all that?

"It will probably be near your chest…? Don't speak, just nod when you've found it…"

Taking a deep breath, Sam focused on the pain enveloping him. The meditation techniques he'd learned in the classes Jess had insisted he try with her a few months before Dean had turned up were finally going to come in useful, he thought with a grin.

Being careful not to lose track of the fact that the emotions surrounding and filling him were _not_ his he let himself sink down into them, trying not to panic as they became stronger.

Hopefully the stronger they felt the closer he was to the source of them, to the Bond…

After a few moments he found what he'd been looking for - it was an almost physical thing, and now that he'd found it he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before.

Trying not to get overwhelmed by the bleak emotion surrounding and pouring from it, Sam nodded to let Aziraphale know he was ready for the next step.

"Now, I need you to picture it in your mind, like a rope, or a tunnel perhaps? Yes, like a tunnel…"

As the Angel spoke, Sam found that an image was forming itself in his head without his prompting.

"…now in a minute - not yet, when I say - you're going to follow that tunnel, and you're going to keep following it until you get to the other end."

A murky, oily sea surrounded him and for a moment Sam panicked because he couldn't breathe…

But he didn't need to breathe here, did he? His body was breathing just fine on its own; here - here he could hold his breath forever if he needed to.

Although he knew it wasn't real he shied away from the idea of breathing in the water. It was more than a sense of self-preservation - the darkness of it…the thick viscous red-black taint in the water that was so like blood and demons…

Sam suppressed a shudder.

Below him was a tunnel, the place from which the taint surged up, poisoning the space around him.

"It'll probably get harder the further you go, but whatever you do you can't lose your focus, okay Samuel?"

All at once, it dawned on Sam exactly what he was looking at. He was seeing his connection to Gabriel, the Bond between him - a tainted, weak, worthless human - and an Archangel.

He was watching as pain so strong he couldn't even begin to guess the cause flooded out from the Bond, spilling over because Gabriel had no room left for more.

_*What,*_ he thought uneasily, _*could cause someone who was no stranger to heartache so much pain?*_

He wondered what the Bond ordinarily looked like – being a construct of pure Archangelic Grace, he imagined it was probably beautiful beyond human comprehension.

Right now it certainly wasn't a very pretty picture, but it _was_ clear and easy to focus on and that was what was important by the sound of things.

As he gazed into the shadowy depths of the tunnel, trying not to let the swirl and flow of it mesmerise him, Sam nodded to show that he'd understood the instructions so far.

"Now this is going to be the tricky bit, because you won't know where Gabriel is -"

He started slightly at the flash of white, of icy cold but before he could grasp it, could figure it out, it was gone again - had it even been real? A chill wind, a bright light in the world beyond his mind, searing through closed eyelids for a fraction of a second…

"- when you get to the other end you'll need to picture yourself standing next to Gabriel. Hopefully he'll sense you and be able to help, but if he can't then try to picture him, focus only on him and let the background blur out of focus, that should do the trick. Once you've got the image in your head, put it at the end of your tunnel and walk out. Did you get all that Sam? Is there anything you need me to repeat?"

Sam quickly went through the instructions again, careful not to lose focus on his tunnel as he did so, before shaking his head softly.

He knew what he needed to do, and now? Now he knew how he could do it.

"Okay. Then in that case, good luck, my boy. If you've got your tunnel, just start walking whenever you're ready."

Without hesitation Sam dove down, swimming nervously - but determinedly - for the tunnel.

The water got thicker as he approached, until he could barely see his hand in front of his face. He swam on instinct, dragging himself through the viscous liquid in the direction of greatest resistance - _*After all, this crap is coming from Gabriel - I want to go where it's coming from,* _he thought, trying to ignore the slimy feel of it as it washed over his skin.

Finally he neared the tunnel entrance, but his arms ached, and his head - his head spun as he tried to hold on to the image and Sam wanted desperately to take a breath but he couldn't - not here. If he let it, the liquid, the pain, it would swallow him whole now; he would drown in it if he gave it an opening.

He wasn't strong enough to push through, he realised suddenly - Gabriel was so much stronger than him, the Archangel's control over the Bond so much greater than Sam could hope to manage on his own.

He'd gotten as far as he had because the Archangel wasn't actively projecting across the Bond but Sam needed more than his own strength to go against even this accidental overflow…

Acting on instinct, Sam reached out feeling for the bits of Grace Gabriel had left behind when he'd stitched his Soul back together. Perhaps through them, he could borrow the strength he needed from his Bond-mate.

Finding them, he focused again on the tunnel in front of him and with a brief thought - _*Come on Gabe, let me through…help me through…*_ - tried to push forward.

A searing flash of pain ripped through him, almost breaking his focus, and Sam tried not to let his panic take over. He had to do this - he had to get to his Bond-mate.

The pain disappeared as suddenly as it came and the strength of the current went with it. It looked as thick and as steady as ever, but now Sam found himself able to propel himself forwards with ease and the darkness of the tunnel enclosed him completely.

In the blackness of the tunnel he could see nothing - he couldn't tell how fast he was moving or what progress he was making, he could only keep going forward and hope he reached the end while he still had strength left in him to finish it. His whole body ached, the power of the current seeming to grow again with every stroke; just as he began to worry that even with Gabriel's Grace aiding him he wouldn't be able to make it, he noticed the briefest of flashes of almost-white trying to break through the blackness ahead.

A few more strokes, and there it was again.

He was nearing the end of the tunnel, he realised with relief.

As the flashes grew more frequent he slowed, careful not to stop entirely, and focused on Gabriel, blocking out as best he could the darkness that surrounded him.

The snowy-white image from Gabriel's dream that presented itself was not one Sam was happy to see, but it was clear in his mind and the background blurred with ease since he'd hardly looked at it at the time anyway - he'd been more worried about the Archangel than where they were.

He allowed the image to merge with the flashes of light ahead, and swam at it with a sudden burst of speed and energy until the world around him exploded with light and his lungs heaved as he gasped for air.

His whole body burned - pain and exhaustion consumed him.

He couldn't move, even to lift his head and figure out if he was in the right place.

As his vision slowly cleared and the world dimmed to a more tolerable level, Sam blinked at the sight that greeted him - Gabriel's face, a mix of bewilderment, anger, fear, pain, and something else Sam couldn't quite put his finger on.

He briefly wished he'd thought to bring a camera - Gabriel's expression was priceless! - before he weakly mumbled what he hoped somewhat resembled a greeting and let his eyes fall closed as darkness finally overcame him and everything faded.

SPNSPNSPN

"We must talk, now."

Dean didn't even have chance to argue, to ask Cas what the hell he'd been playing at running off like that...

One minute he was in Bobby's kitchen, the next he was stood in a crumble-down old building in the middle of fuck-knows-where armed only with the silver dagger in his boot.

Not that he needed to be armed against Cas or anything but he _was_ a hunter after all - weapons were sort of key in his line of work. If you made a habit of getting caught without, you didn't last very long.

"Where are we Cas?" Dean asked, glancing around at the overgrown brickwork and cracked floors.

"It is a small abandoned church in what you call 'New Zealand', Dean. We will be hidden from most of my Brothers here - it is a safe place for us to discuss important matters privately."

"Hold up - _most_ of your Brothers? Who aren't we hidden from?" Dean asked before Cas could continue.

"Gabriel was able to find me here -"

So this was where Cas had run to then? The odd-couple had been scouring the Earth for him and he'd gone to New Zealand? Not exactly the first place that came to mind when Dean tried to think of somewhere to hide. Now Vegas? That was more like it - crowds to get lost in, bars to get drunk in, and all the cards he could hustle...

"- it would be unwise to assume he could not do so again if he wished."

And didn't Castiel look just thrilled about that? Obviously Dean was missing something - pissed off wasn't the standard reaction to someone saving your life, right?

"I believe he is the only one who could do so though," Castiel added after a slight pause.

"Because of the Grace thing?"

"'Grace thing'?"

"When you took off - he said he could find you because he'd 'touched your Grace' or some shit like that..."

At the look on Castiel's face, Dean found himself wishing he could take the sentence back. He wasn't sure what he'd said wrong but the Angel had tensed, his face going completely blank as he carefully controlled all emotion. It was an expression that sent chills through Dean, reminding him of the time before Cas was _his_ Angel, back when he had demanded Dean's respect and threatened to return him to the pit. It was way past pissed off.

"He said _what_?"

The voice was low, cold and full of barely restrained fury. Had it been aimed at him, Dean wasn't sure he wouldn't have blanched.

"That he'd touched your Grace...is that bad?"

"It is intensely personal, and not something to be done lightly. That was not what I was referring to, however."

"Then what...?" Dean asked, confused.

"If Gabriel can now find me whenever he wishes, I am a danger to you as long as I am with you Dean."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard dude! Not only is Gabriel currently playing nice with others, in case you hadn't noticed, but if he wanted to find us I think his Bond with Sam would make that easy regardless of your location. I don't get it Cas - most people are grateful when someone saves their life - what's your problem with Gabe?"

Castiel's whole body was tense, as though he were physically holding himself back from grabbing Dean - he certainly had the 'beat you until you see sense' look on his face at the moment.

"Why are you suddenly so eager to place your faith in him? Can you not see the risk you take in extending your trust to my Brother?"

"Risk?"

"He will abandon you, and Sam and Bobby - the minute you are no longer entertaining enough, or become too much trouble; the minute he grows bored he will leave and you will all suffer the consequences."

"He can't..." Dean paused, then continued quickly. "I mean, Sam... He can't leave him, right? This Bond shit - it's forever, right?"

"He abandoned his home, his family...his _Brothers_. Millions of years, and he didn't think twice about leaving _me_ Dean - you think after a handful of meetings over a couple of years he feels he owes _your_ brother more than he gave his own?"

"No one made him volunteer here, Cas - _he_ came to _us_. He helped Sam, saved Bobby, saved _you_. You guys obviously have history - but if we're deciding who to trust based on past actions... Well, then we can't even trust _ourselves_. None of us has a stellar record for doing things right every time. We make mistakes, and then we try not to repeat them. That's how this free will thing works. You can't have it both ways - you give anyone - human, Angel or demon - a choice, and they're gonna screw up sometimes. For what he's done for us, Gabriel's earned my trust - whether you think he deserves it or not."


	24. Selfishness and Self–Sacrifice

**Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews, and the favs and alerts too! You guys totally make my day with those! *grins***

**I was wrong about this chapter giving me less trouble, but I think I'm finally as happy as I'm ever getting with it, so here you go!**

**Fair warning - it may be a case of no new chapter til New Year, since over the next four weeks I have 3 assignments, a wedding, two Christmas shows, and a truckload of Christmas baking...of course the more and longer the reviews, the more this story's going to be on my mind begging to be written...just saying... *grins***

**Anywho, on with the show! :-D**

* * *

Gabriel's own memories were mocking him.

Was this his punishment, he wondered? His just desserts for two thousand years of doing as he damn well pleased?

He'd never had a chance at fixing things, had he? Oh, he'd fooled himself into hoping, but Castiel's anger, his hurt…it went too deep, had been left to fester for too long.

Michael's lies to the younger Angel had ruined any chance he had of being forgiven, Gabriel thought angrily.

The dream had dredged up memories he'd rather leave forgotten - he didn't want to think about any of it, not now. The past taunted him, and he just wanted it all to _stop_. Why wouldn't it just _**stop**_?

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there before he realised something was…off…

Lost in a sea of pain and longing, Gabriel took longer than he should have to register the growing ache in his Grace.

An ache that centred on his bond with Sam…

The thought was barely wholly formed when he felt a burning flare from the deepest part of his Grace, and there was a flash of almost-blinding Grace-light.

_*Well, __**almost**__ blinding to __me…I__ wonder how many poor mortal sods saw that?* _he wondered absently.

_*Can Archangels hallucinate?* _he wondered feeling slightly disconnected from his surroundings as he tried to process what he was seeing. He couldn't possibly be seeing what he thought he was seeing.

That couldn't _possibly_ be his human Bond-mate lying in the snow in front of him.

Well, except for the fact that it very obviously _**was**_.

All thoughts of the past were gone in less than a blink of an eye, the memories which had plagued him moments earlier pushed aside by this incredible, dangerous, inexplicable occurance.

He couldn't catch what Sam mumbled before his eyes drifted shut, the hunter's thoughts a whirlwind of worry and exhaustion too chaotic for Gabriel to get a real read on what was going on.

His mind raced. How was Sam here? Why?

Anger flared - _*Stupid, reckless, __idiotic…__!*_ - briefly, and then a cold harsh fear settled somewhere near the pit of his stomach.

Never-mind the sheer impossibility of it - Sam _was_ here, and he was also quite clearly unconscious and led in freezing cold snow after having subjected himself to Dad only knows what to get here.

He was kneeling in the snow and gathering the sprawled figure to him before even a full second had passed, and was on the verge of taking off for somewhere warmer - _safer_ - when he froze.

What if further exposure to Gabriel's Grace pushed Sam's body past it's limits? He'd already survived exposure to it once - but that could just mean that he was one straw away from breaking…

Gabriel settled back to sit with his legs tucked beneath him, the large figure of his human resting half on his lap and half in the snow.

What should he do?

_*Okay, first thing's first - he's breathing. That's good. That's going in the huge honking 'plus' column,*_ Gabriel thought with a slight flash of a grin. _*He's unconscious, which is bad, __but…__*_ Gabriel paused mid-thought, zeroing in with his eyes on the hunter's closed ones.

He could've sworn…

A slight flicker of movement beneath the eyelids had Gabriel fighting to keep calm again.

_*Not unconscious! Shit! Sleeping, and at a time when even the Grace required to enter his dream could kill __him…maybe__Luci__'__ll__ stay away because of that?*_

Even as he thought it Gabriel shook his head…his brother wouldn't know the risk.

Thinking quickly, the Archangel threw up every ward he could think of around the mountain-top. It would be a whooping great 'something to see here' sign to anyone looking, but should be able to hold pretty much anything back, physical or otherwise, for as long as he could keep it up. He could worry about escaping whatever attention he drew later.

_*Right - alive, check. Asleep, but safe, check. Absolutely insane, __double…no__, __**triple**__ check! Bloody __Winchesters__!*_

Thoughts of Castiel forgotten for now, Gabriel focused his attention entirely on his hunter. He needed to see what damage had been done. The 'how in the bloody hell it was possible' could wait.

His focus shifted as he ignored Sam's physical self completely. He needed more than just a _glance_ at the hunter's soul this time - he needed to see every last inch, inspect every last thread for anything that could be harmful in the future.

His frown, when it formed, was one not of worry, but confusion.

Sam's soul appeared unharmed, which in and of itself was a miracle, but the expected damage wasn't the only thing missing.

The patches of Grace that had held the soul together, that he had woven through the very fabric of it, were gone. A smooth, flawless, _whole_ soul stared out at him, shining with a strength and magnificence that awed him.

Terror quickly supplanted awe as realisation hit.

What had he done?

It wasn't enough that he's forced Sam into a Bond - a Bond the hunter had accepted without anger or recrimination, despite the intensely personal nature of the connection - no, that just wasn't enough, was it?

With the Bond he'd taken Sam's freedom, and now…

Now his Grace had stolen the hunter's humanity.

SPNSPNSPN

"_For what he's done for us, Gabriel's earned my trust - whether you think he deserves it or not."_

Castiel's face was unreadable, his reaction to the rather bold statement a mystery.

Dean didn't like mysteries.

He didn't regret the declaration though. He'd had some time to think it over and he _was_ sure that Gabriel was on the level.

"Whatever he did for you whilst I was unable to help, I do not doubt that he had only his own interests at heart Dean - until we know his motivations, we cannot predict his actions, and until we can predict his actions we cannot trust him."

"His motivations make more sense to me than anything in this whole damn Apocalypse, Cas! His own interests match mine so well right now that it's fucking insane - right now, at this moment, I trust Gabriel more than anyone Cas, because _his interests_ lie in keeping the two most important things in my world safe."

He didn't miss the flash of hurt from Castiel at his words, but he refused to take them back - they were the truth.

As much as he loved and trusted Bobby, the hunter would go against his wishes if he thought it was in Dean's best interest. He wouldn't protect what Dean cared about if it meant not protecting Dean too.

As much as he loved his brother, it would be a while before he could trust him properly again. He wanted to - he just couldn't quite banish the niggling doubts, not yet. Not when Sam had lied to him _again_ only two days ago.

And as much as he trusted his Angel, he knew that Castiel didn't share his priorities. Cas had lied about his health, had been letting himself die without even a word of warning to Dean. He was too willing to sacrifice himself for the hunter.

It was Gabriel's selfish desires that gave Dean the assurance he needed to trust the Archangel, as odd as that might seem to anyone else. Gabriel didn't give a shit about Dean, or Bobby, beyond how their lives impacted Sam and Cas. He didn't care about anything except keeping his bond-mate and his brother alive and kicking, and that was something Dean could get behind one hundred percent.

"Since Gabriel showed up two days ago, he's saved Bobby's life _and _your life, and he's helping save Sammy's sanity. He wants Sam safe, he wants you safe, and he wants his family to stop fucking dying."

"Dean..." Castiel tried to interrupt, but was cut off.

"With him on-side... Cas, I can mouth-off to your Brothers and the demons, and say no to Mikey until the cows come home. But I can't keep you all safe - I don't know how. I'm not strong enough..."

"You have far more strength than you give yourself credit for Dean..."

"No... No, I'm not stupid Cas - I'm determined, and I'm a damn stubborn sonuvabitch, but that's not going to win this thing, is it? I mean let's face it - let's be realistic for a second here okay? If Michael gets tired of trying to stick to prophecy he could flatten me, and Sammy, and the whole damn _**world**_ without breaking a sweat. I'm spitting at a fucking forest fire to try and put it out, but sooner or later we're all gonna burn. Gabriel might not give a shit about the world, but he's offering to help us save it because it matters to you and Sam, and he just might have enough swing to pull it off."

"And he might decide it's too much trouble and let you burn, Dean."

"I don't think so - - - you didn't see him Cas. When you were dying..." Dean paused, trying to find the words to convince his Angel, to explain why he was so certain.

"The look in his eyes when you were dying...I'd seen it before," Dean muttered, almost to himself, as he realised why he was so sure he was right about Gabriel despite their chequered past. "I saw it in the mirror the day I sold my soul to save Sam."

Cas looked like he was about to respond, but Dean cut him off before he could start, wanting to give the Angel all the facts before he could try arguing again.

"It almost killed him, you know. If it hadn't been for my egg-headed little brother, Gabriel would've bled out on Bobby's bedroom floor."

"That is impossible Dean - his Grace can heal any injury that does not immediately kill him, given enough time..."

"He'd been suppressing it, to keep you alive long enough to fix you up. Apparently he left it too late - the wounds from Zach's goons were fatal, until Sammy called the reinforcements."

"Reinforcements...?"

"Long story...for now let's just leave it at 'They fixed him up', because right now I'm more interested in what happened next. You woke up, and decided running off was a good freaking idea. Care to explain that?"

SPNSPNSPN

As much as he wanted more information on their current situation, Castiel had known Dean long enough to realise that he wasn't going to get anywhere until he had explained his own actions to his human...

...his _Bond-mate_, he thought in wonder.

Had Dean really chosen this? Could Gabriel have been telling the truth?

"It was brought to my attention that I may not have been in possession of all the necessary information when I left earlier. Dean..." Castiel paused, unsure how to phrase the question. "Dean, how aware are you of the measures my Brother took to prevent my demise?"

"Oh."

Dean's response threw him - the hunter's voice was soft, barely a breath of a word, but emotions - disappointment, hurt, guilt - rushed along their Bond. By the time Castiel had managed to suppress them adequately, Dean had already started talking again.

"Look Cas, I know you didn't ask for this - I just...I couldn't let you die. I didn't know what else to do - Gabe was there and he had a solution, so I took it. I know I'm not exactly a prize, and I can't even _begin_ to imagine how you must feel being tied to me like this, but...Fuck, Cas! You were dying, what was I supposed to do?"

"Dean, I..." He tried to interject, but was cut off almost immediately.

"Do you want me to say I'm sorry Cas? Is that it? Well fuck that! I'm not sorry. You nearly killed yourself, for _me!_ What the hell were you thinking? You think I want that on my head? I'm not damned enough for starting the freaking Apocalypse, I need to get one of the very few _good_ Angels killed too?"

"_**Dean**_." Castiel's voice was forceful, and he let just a touch of power seep into it.

He watched in satisfaction as the hunter stopped talking, and looked at him with wide-eyes.

It appeared that Gabriel had told him the truth - Dean was not ignorant of what had been done. It also appeared, however, that his Bond-mate thought that he would be angry with him for it. That he would not wish to be Bonded to his Righteous Man.

He did not understand why the hunter would believe this, but it was a concern that he could lay to rest now.

"Do you believe that I am angry with you for allowing Gabriel to Bond us together?" he asked slowly.

Dean looked slightly unsure, but offered a tentative reply.

"Uh...yeah?"

"That belief is ill-founded - I am not angry that a Bond now exists between us. It was reckless of you to risk yourself in this way, but recklessness is a trait I am coming to believe is woven into the very core of your being. You were lucky that you suffered no ill-effects..."

"Wouldn't've mattered as long as it worked."

Castiel fought the urge to roll his eyes at Dean's insistent tone, and continued on regardless.

"...and that, for whatever reason, in this instance Gabriel was true to his word. I am sorry that you have lost your freedom in this way, but I will strive to limit the effects the Bond will have on your every-day life."

"Okay, we're gonna talk about what you mean by that freedom thing later," Dean said, raising one eyebrow slightly. "But if you're not pissed, why'd you run off like that?"

"Your initial response to my questions at the time led me to believe that you were unaware of what had occurred between us."

"...You thought Gabriel lied to me about what he was doing?"

"I did. I was not willing to subject you to a life-Bond you had not agreed to, so I left to provide myself with the distance I would require to sever the Bond."

"You _what?_ You didn't did you? Shit! Cas, that Bond was the only thing keeping you alive... Fuck - we need to get you back to Gabriel, before you get worse again..."

"Dean!" Castiel barked, cutting off the hunter's panicked rant. "My Brother found me before I was able to complete the process - he convinced me to stop, at least until I could speak with you and discover the truth for myself."

"So you didn't break it? You're okay?"

The relief in his Bond-mate's voice was nothing to the emotion bombarding Castiel through their Bond, and he took a moment to marvel at the purity of it.

"I am well," Castiel paused, wanting to say more - wanting to ask... "You...you truly do not regret that we are bound for eternity, do you?"

What had started as a question became a tentative statement as he felt Dean's reaction well up within him.

"Not unless you're planning to start acting like your douche-bag brothers in the future, dude," Dean answered with a smirk fixed firmly in place.

Castiel wondered at the contrast between the cocky young man in front of him and the lonely, terrified, desperate soul he could feel inside him. Was this what the hunter's brash remarks and ill-advised humour usually masked?

"I believe I may safely promise you that _that_ will not happen - if for no other reason than that your influence through the Bond would not, I think, allow it to."

"My influence?"

"There is a great deal more to a life-Bond than a simple connection Dean - I... If you would allow me, I could show you a little of it?"

Castiel wasn't sure what made him offer - he certainly hadn't planned to. He didn't even know if it would be possible, but the thought that his Mate was unable to sense their Bond as he could pained him, and here he had an opportunity to try to rectify it, at least a little.

"Show me how?"

In spite of his wary words, Castiel felt the trust that Dean had in him - a trust the hunter's earlier words had made him believe lost - and he decided to use action to answer.

Allowing the relief and pleasure Dean's trust in him created to fill him, he focused on broadcasting it along the Bond.

The expression of confusion that filled his Mate's face was quickly over-taken as realisation set in, and disbelieving awe replaced it. Castiel fed the emotions that arose from Dean's reaction back into the Bond, and the tension that had filled the hunter since their arrival finally left him as he sank to the floor, sitting with his back against the wall as he stared up at Castiel with wonder in his eyes.

Information about their current situation could wait, Castiel decided. Right now, this was what mattered - taking care of his Bond-mate was what was important.

SPNSPNSPN

He had been a touch reluctant to explain where Samuel had gone and how to his surrogate father - Bonds were intensely personal things after all, and whilst Sam might not mind details being shared, Gabriel almost certainly would when he returned.

Finally, over a cup of tea that was more than a little Irish - the whiskey was medicinal since the poor dear was, Aziraphale thought, probably edging towards shock after such a trying day! - he had convinced the hunter that what had happened was exactly what had been supposed to happen, and that it was highly unlikely that Sam was in any danger. He might just be a little while, depending on how badly off the Archangel was.

In truth he'd felt a little bad about misleading the older human with that last bit of information, but really, it was true - it just hinged a tiny bit on a person's understanding of the term 'little while'. After all, to someone who'd been around since the Beginning the Hundred Years War lasted barely the blink of an eye...

He hoped that he had done the right thing, sending the boy. If Gabriel had shut down as badly as last time the poor thing would starve to death long before the Archangel could bring him back. He was almost certainly right though, he was sure - the shock the Bond-walk would give to his Grace should shake him out of it, and then both Gabriel and Samuel would be right as rain.

It would all be okay in the end, he was sure.

Robert had left a few minutes ago muttering something about having a business to run, Apocalypse or no, and leaving Aziraphale alone with Crowley for the first time since they'd been summoned that morning.

He settled back quietly with his tea-cup, and watched his Demon as he perused the hunter's bookshelves.

"... ... ...Hah! Hastur's been looking for this for three hundred years! Had a few lesser demons strung up by Alaistair for stealing it over the last few decades too, but never could find it... ... ..."

A few moments of silence followed before he found another title of interest.

"This one's not even the real thing! I should know - burned the real one, didn't I?"

"Burned, dearest?" Aziraphale asked worriedly.

"Evil, wasn't it? Not just _nefarious_ - that might've been interesting. This could've kick-started...well, this whole mess, actually. Only a lot sooner. Snuck it out and dropped it into a volcano that was erupting in Alaska while Hell was doing its Chicken Little impression, didn't I?"

"You shouldn't have risked it dear - not when they were all so angry with you..."

"They were never gonna be not angry Angel - whoever said Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned never saw Hell scorned, did they? Foolsss... Didn't want to have to deal with this again - Apocalypse shouldn't have a plural."

_*No, dearest...it shouldn't,*_ he thought, placing his empty tea-cup on the side-table.

"Angel..." Crowley began, before moving over to the sofa beside him. "Their Bond...is it really...?"

"Fiunt Una Perpetuum?***** I believe so."

"How?"

It was a very good question, and one to which there was only one answer he could give...

"It must be The Plan - Ineffable, isn't it dearest? So it can only be The Plan, really."

"Bloody ineffability! And the others?"

Dean Winchester and little Castiel...?

"No, I don't think so. They have a life-Bond, but I think...I'm almost certain...that that's all it is."

"Angel..." Crowley's voice was tentative now, his hand reaching out to clasp Aziraphale's as he met his eyes.

He'd known this was coming, and as much as he loved his Demon, he hated him sometimes too. Crowley couldn't help asking, every so often, and Aziraphale couldn't bear to give his answer any more than he could bear to change it.

"You know we can't, Dearest...I won't risk hurting you, not even _for you_."

"You don't know that it would even be a risssk, Angel."

Crowley held both his hands now, and looked into his eyes beseechingly.

It almost hurt to look, but he couldn't turn away. He saw the pain in his Mate's eyes, and he felt like he might drown in it.

"If the humans can survive it, then surely it would be sssafe?"

"I won't risk changing you, not anymore than I would risk harming you Dear - such a close connection to my Grace wouldn't leave yours unmarked, you know that."

Now it was Aziraphale's turn to entreat, and he gripped Crowley's hands more tightly as he pulled him closer.

"Would you love me less if it changed me?" his Demon asked.

"Of course not! But Dearest, I don't need you to change for us to be together..."

"Would you love me less if it changed you?"

"I...I should hope not...I should think not - I would still be me, and I've loved you for so long now that that's a part of who I am, after all."

He was cut off by Crowley as the Demon pulled his hands free, latching onto his shoulders instead, pulling him still closer.

"The Bonds are ssstill possible - now that we know that, you expect me to carry on holding you with this distance between usss? Angel..._Aziraphale_...at least think about it, for me?"

Aziraphale sighed deeply, before leaning into his Demon's embrace with a whisper.

"Okay Dearest, I'll think about it."

After all, why couldn't it be them for once? Didn't his Demon deserve something for all he'd gone through?

He would think about it, long and hard.

* * *

*** Fiunt Una Perpetuum - **Forever Become One (Latin translation courtesy of Google...Latin will be standing in for Enochian in my story).


	25. Dealing With the Fallout

I am so so so very sorry at the _extreme_ delay in updating this! I had beta issues, and real life issues, and then a fic to write for the Once Upon A Sabriel Big Bang (I'll be publishing that on the 13th July *grins*)...but it's a slightly longer than usual chapter, if that makes up for anything? (Although probably not, since compared to what some of my favourite authors call long chapters, this is still quite short...)

Anywho, you've all waited long enough, so with a quick thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and favourited (You guys totally kept me writing and editing instead of letting this sit abandoned...especially the reviewers!), let's be on with the story, shall we? :-D

* * *

Sam blinked blearily as consciousness beckoned.

The first thing he noticed was the ache that suffused his entire body.

He tried to lift his head up off its pillow, but froze with a hiss at the feeling of hot knives sinking through his skull and directly into his brain.

He braced himself for more pain, and clenched his teeth as he let his head fall back to rest on its former cushion. His eyes – which had reflexively opened on waking and immediately squinted almost closed at the pain – fluttered shut as the breath he'd been holding escaped in a sigh.

It must've been a hell of hunt for him to be feeling this beat-up, he thought absently. Even his hair ached.

He was toying with the idea of going back to sleep - he was warm, comfortable, and Dean wasn't being his usual irritating self…opportunities this rare shouldn't be wasted! - when his pillow started to shake slightly, a low rumbling chuckle emanating from it.

With a start Sam quickly realised three things.

One: He hadn't been on a hunt recently - Dean had been side-lining him almost constantly.

Two: Pillows, as a general rule, did not move. Nor did they chuckle.

Three: Last time he'd checked, his bed most definitely did _not_ have arms to wrap around him.

His instincts screamed at him to move, _move now_ _**damnit,**_ but between the bone-deep acheand a slight tightening of the arms around him, he wasn't sure he had that option.

Then there was the fact that, even though he had no idea where he was, he felt _safe_.

And with that thought, relief flooded him.

_*Gabriel,*_ he realised.

He'd been searching for the Archangel, hadn't he?

He didn't need to look to be sure – he knew beyond all possible doubt, perhaps not _where_ he was, but _who_ he was with.

He had found his missing Archangel.

"The question is kiddo, how'd you manage it?"

There was an edge to the familiar voice that Sam wasn't sure what to make of, and he ached, and he was _safe._

With that in mind Sam decided that maybe, just this once, ignorance was bliss.

He was going to go back to sleep for a while – everything else could wait, at least until his body stopped feeling like he'd been hit by a truck.

"Oh no you don't Sammy - if you're gonna do stupid things, you can damn well deal with the consequences. You and me need to have a nice long chat."

If he'd been a bit unnerved by Gabriel's tone before, now he was definitely worried.

He wasn't sure why, but the Archangel was clearly upset with him.

With a sigh Sam opened his eyes and looked up from where his head leant against his friend's chest.

"What did I do that was stupid? You needed help, I tried to help…I apparently didn't do a very good job of it since you've obviously been looking after me, but would you rather I hadn't tried?"

As he spoke Sam felt irritation welling up inside him. Where did Gabriel get off being pissed that he'd been trying to help? And surely if it was that stupid, Aziraphale wouldn't have told him how to do it, right?

"Zira? Zira told you how to find me? How did he even…"

Gabriel trailed off with a look of shocked wonder that Sam would have laughed at, if it hadn't been swiftly replaced with a fury so absolute that the seasoned hunter immediately pulled himself loose to scrabble away.

Even as he kicked himself for the faint look of hurt that flashed in the Archangel's eyes, Sam couldn't help recalling _exactly_ what the being before him was capable of, and couldn't help thinking that if that anger was directed at him now he was **so** screwed.

SPNSPNSPN

When Sam had slept past the half-hour mark Gabriel had cranked up the temperature a bit, not wanting the hunter to catch hypothermia.

As far as figuring out how Sam had gotten there went - well, there he was still coming up empty.

It kept coming back to the fact that no-one knew where he'd gone.

No one could track him - he'd spent far too long perfecting being invisible for that. So how in Dad's name had someone managed to send Sam right to him? Why had his Grace flared at Sam's arrival? And what did it have to do with what had happened to Sam's soul?

When the hunter finally stirred slightly Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief - he'd been asleep for five hours and twenty six minutes, and Gabriel had counted every second with a growing sense of dread.

While the hunter was physically fine, there was no telling what damage had been done to his mind, and to his soul...

His relief when he started sensing some – slightly jumbled but very much _there_ – thoughts from his Bond-mate was like a knot in his chest, choking him.

Sam's obvious discomfort as he dropped his head back down had Gabriel scanning his surface thoughts to find the problem, and he couldn't suppress a chuckle at what he heard.

As Sam's thoughts rushed full-steam ahead into panic, Gabriel tightened his arms slightly around the younger man and waited for him to calm.

That he did so almost instantly upon realising that he was with Gabriel stirred up emotions the Archangel didn't have time to deal with right now, so he pushed them aside and focused on Sam's thoughts.

_*Yep, you found me…*_

"The question is kiddo, how'd you manage it?"

He couldn't quite keep the frustration at the hunter's apparent disregard for his own well-being out of his voice, and he knew Sam had heard it.

_*Bloody Winchesters!*_ he thought again. _*Never seen a family last so many generations with so little a sense of self-preservation.*_

Half of him wanted to let Sam rest, knowing just how shitty the man was feeling, but the other half needed facts - he needed to know if there was anything else he should be worrying about or watching out for. He needed to know how Sam had found him.

"Oh no you don't Sammy - if you're gonna do stupid things, you can damn well deal with the consequences. You and me need to have a nice long chat."

"What did I do that was stupid? You needed help, I tried to help…I apparently didn't do a good job of it since you've obviously been looking after me, but would you rather I hadn't tried?"

He would definitely rather Sam hadn't risked himself, but somehow he doubted the hunter would listen to him right now. Anyway, Sam's thoughts were more useful than his words at the moment…

"Zira? Zira told you how to find me? How did he even…"

Gabriel trailed off as he saw the memory unfold in Sam's mind.

What he saw shocked him into silence.

A Bond-walk…? But that would mean they had…that their Bond…it wasn't possible!

Even as his mind denied it, he looked again at Sam's soul and found a strange sort of sense in what had happened.

_*But if he came through the Bond…*_

That did it. Old friend or not, Brother or not, Gabriel was going to **kill** Aziraphale.

Gabriel found himself dragged from his thoughts when Sam pulled himself free from his hold, and the look on the hunter's face was one he'd hoped never to see again – especially not aimed at him.

Sam was afraid.

It was sort of ironic, that the only person alive with absolutely no reason to ever fear him was one of the few who actually allowed that he was something worth fearing.

Locking away the hurt – he could deal with it later if he had to – Gabriel moved towards the hunter.

Sam might be afraid, but a part of Gabriel was a little bit glad. The vindictive part of him that he'd spent centuries nurturing couldn't help but think that it was only fair that the human felt a little of the terror _he'd_ felt on realising what could have happened to his Bond-mate thanks to his brother's stupidity.

He advanced on Sam, grabbing him by the shoulders tightly and drawing him in close as he hissed dangerously:

"Tell me, are you suicidal? Or are you just that big of an idiot? You had to look _inside __yourself_ to find your end of the Bond - where did you think you'd come out when you reached my end? You could've been killed Sam! An Archangel's Grace is not something you mess around with – and it's most certainly not something you try to pass through! Do you have even an inkling of just how lucky you are?"

SPNSPNSPN

"_Tell me, are you suicidal? Or are you just that big of an idiot? You had to look inside yourself to find your end of the Bond - where did you think you'd come out when you reached my end? You could've been killed Sam! An Archangel's Grace is not something you mess around with - certainly not something you try to pass through! Do you have even an inkling of just how lucky you are?"_

Pass through...? As in...pass..._through..._?

Sam felt a moment of panic as what Gabriel was saying sank in.

Except…he'd survived, hadn't he? He was still here, still breathing?

Suddenly Gabriel's anger made a whole lot more sense. Had Aziraphale known the risk he was letting Sam take…?

_*It doesn't matter!*_ Sam thought as he realised something.

He hadn't even noticed before – the absence of a thing was far less obvious than its presence after all – but something had changed since he'd arrived at…wherever the heck they were.

The terrible all-engulfing sadness and pain that had driven him to such drastic and risky action was gone...

Sam paused. That much pain didn't just disappear in an instant, after all.

Closing his eyes briefly, Sam reached for the bond again, surprising himself slightly at the ease and speed with which he found it.

It was no longer over-flowing, but the darkness was very clearly still there. It was being held back by glowing white tendrils that seemed to pulse and tighten against it with the effort.

As the hunter drew closer, he felt a shiver of fear run up his back.

He pulled away, and it faded. It was odd - he had apparently nearly died (_again!_) and yet he felt perfectly calm, completely relaxed, until he focused in on the Bond. What about it scared him? He hadn't felt afraid when it was spilling over with darkness, so why now...?

Needing to understand, he turned his attention to it again and allowed it to draw him in. The fear rose within him, and he realised with a start what it was, and what it wasn't.

It _wasn't_ his fear, it was _Gabriel's_...fear of what he'd done, of what had nearly happened - fear _**for**_ Sam.

That's what the tendrils were - Gabriel's fear had caged his pain. His concern for Sam had pushed all thoughts of whatever had been wrong aside for now.

Sam pulled back and took a deep breathe to calm himself before opening his eyes. He wasn't sure how to deal with that particular piece of information just yet, so he wouldn't.

Right now, Gabriel was yelling at him for trying to help his idiotic Archangelic self, which was beyond hypocritical. After the shit he'd pulled earlier – nearly getting himself killed because he didn't think to call for help – he really needed to get his ass down off his high horse, and Sam was feeling more and more like helping him with that…with a not-so-gentle shove if necessary.

Gabriel's pain was something that still needed to be dealt with, sure, but for the moment it wasn't trying to swallow them whole…which was good – _very_ good – as it gave them chance to deal with more immediate issues.

"Shit. Is that why..." Gabriel's hands fell from his shoulders, and Sam stumbled before catching his balance. "I didn't realise Sammy - I swear I didn't think it went both ways like that..."

And really? That was the biggest load of horseshit Sam had heard in a while, and he lived with Dean.

"Bull," he said firmly, "I told you. I heard you in the car, remember? I felt your injuries then. Is it such a stretch that I could feel this too?"

"I just...that's not how it should work kiddo - I didn't think..."

"No, you didn't think. You assumed that the stupid little human couldn't understand, couldn't help, couldn't feel. Dammit Gabe! You said yourself that it's all guesswork how this is going to work - "

"I know I did...I'm sorry Sammy, really I am – but I _really_ didn't think… It's been a while since I had someone besides me _to_ think about..."

Gabriel's voice caught in his throat, his words choked off.

However angry he might be, Sam knew that this really wasn't the time for a pissing contest. Tentatively, he raised one hand up, and when Gabriel made no move to stop him he placed it lightly on the Archangel's shoulder.

"It was Cas, wasn't it?" Sam asked, voice soft and slightly hesitant.

"What?"

"The last someone you tried to care about, to think about...the fledgling from your memory...it was all Castiel."

Sam's voice was stronger this time, Gabriel's shock making him more certain of his theory.

"What did he say to you? When you found him...what did he say to make you run here again?" Because by now Sam had seen enough to recognise the mountain-top from Gabriel's dream.

Sam watched as Gabriel's barriers crumbled before his eyes, and when he felt the onslaught of emotion through the Bond again he stopped questioning his instincts and drew the smaller man into an embrace.

"He thinks I left him - abandoned him to face punishment alone. He hates me Sammy..."

Gabriel's pain once again felt like it was Sam's own, but this time the hunter understood it. This time he knew what fed it, and he had an idea of how to help.

"He's been lied to for two thousand years Gabriel - he doesn't know you did what you did to keep him safe."

It was easier this time to control the flow of incoming emotion, and Sam found that if he concentrated he could even send some of his own back the other way.

Drawing ruthlessly on his own positive memories, Sam soothed and comforted the small form in his arms as best he could.

"Hate's still an emotion Gabe – you still matter to him or he wouldn't be so angry. Give him time, and you'll get your chance to explain eventually."

SPNSPNSPN

Sam and Dean (and their respective Angels) had been gone for hours now, and Bobby was sick to death of the scathing mother-hen jokes and soothing platitudes the Demon and _his_ Angel were offering every time he happened to glance at the clock.

As far as the hunter was concerned, he had every right and reason to worry, and they could mind their own damn business, thank you very much.

After all, Heaven and Hell _were_ still hunting them all, weren't they?

And the Winchesters probably hadn't developed common sense in the last few hours.

And as for those flamin' Angels…what the devil did they think they were playing at, running off in sulks like little kids? They were supposedly older than almost every other living thing weren't they? You'd think they'd have gotten over the stroppy teenage stage by now!

Yup, Bobby figured he had more reason than most to be concerned.

_*If John Winchester could only see his boys now…*_ Bobby thought with a low chuckle.

It wasn't really funny of course. The elder Winchester would probably have had heart failure several times over at the goings on in his family recently.

Consorting with Angels and Demons, taking on the hosts of Heaven and Hell…and that wasn't even touching on the disconcertingly close relationships the boys seemed to be forming with two specific angelic beings.

Bobby headed for his religious texts with a huff.

He had a few minutes before Rufus was likely to ring back, so he might as well make a start on some insurance.

Sure, the Angels probably weren't going to betray them, but that didn't mean they weren't going to keep being idiots. Since shovels and shotguns weren't exactly going to seem very intimidating in this case, and Holy Oil was a little on the scarce side, he needed something else to hold over their heads in case they hurt his boys again.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

_The Fall_

Michael knew what he had to do.

His orders were clear, and the wave of apology-sorrow-reluctance that accompanied their delivery provided no balm to his Grace.

His Bonded had done the unthinkable, had dared to question their Father…_challenge_ their Father, and now he was torn between them.

There was never a question of which side he would take of course, but the pain of feeling his Grace try to rend itself between them…the pain of being forced to betray one so loved…

He could not take Lucifer's side, and he could not understand how any of their brothers _could_…how they could follow him into his madness…how they could _turn_ on their Father…

The idea…even the suggestion of the idea…the thought that he would not follow the orders handed down, that he would not do as their Father commanded – it was repulsive to him. How had one who was the other half to his very Grace hidden such desires from him for so long? How had he failed to see, failed to save him from his foolishness…

…how had he failed?

Was it possible he had shared it enough to be blind to its extent? Had he, with all his knowledge, all his power…had he been a fool?

Was the fault with him then? With his own inability to comprehend the Father's plan for his second children?

He could not fathom what special potential his Father saw in these new creations, but he had believed that his lack of understanding was his own deficiency, or else that he was not _meant_ to comprehend it.

The fact was, they were important. Father had decreed it, and as such it was sacrosanct.

But perhaps…

Maybe if he had understood…could he have led the Morning Star away from the path he now walked?

Could he have saved his brothers a war which would forever scar and taint them?

The questions ran freely through his mind but did not slow his flight. They would burn deeply into his Grace, but when the time came – as it swiftly would – they would not soften his blow.

His Father had ordered his brother…his Bonded…cast out by his hand, and so it would be.

And if the Bond pulled him down to share his brother's fate, well then he would accept it as his Father's judgement of his own folly.

The rage with which his Bonded fought against those he had called Brother clawed at Michael through the Bond, and he drew strength from it. Every Angel he felt fall to the swords of his brother and those who would share his fate strengthened his determination.

He had failed terribly, and the lives of so many of his brothers now laid heavy on his head. That he could not change.

But it ended here. No more would die! Though it tear him in two, he would find the will to end this…

As he reached the scene of what would be the final battle, his Grace clenched at the sight before him.

His Bonded stood, sword poised to strike, over the stricken and shattered form of Gabriel, and in that instant Michael found the last of the strength he needed to cast down the twisted, barely recognisable being he had once called _anima mea_.

Ripping the abomination away from his wounded brother, Michael put aside all thoughts of his own fate and, as he struck he had only one thought.

He had allowed his family to be torn asunder. Now he would suffer whatever consequences his Father deemed necessary willingly.

SPNSPNSPN

_The Bond Breaks_

Pain.

There was nothing else in the whole world…only pain.

His very Grace burned with it.

It ripped at the core of him and he knew nothing beyond it.

Time was meaningless.

The world beyond no longer existed.

There was no beginning and no end – there was only the agony that consumed his entire being. He could remember nothing of before, and conceive of no possible 'after'.

There was only the 'now'.

Only the burning.

Only the pain.

SPNSPNSPN

_The Aftermath_

An eternity passed in the single instant that saw the Bond snap.

Had he been spared or sentenced? He hardly knew.

When the first fire faded from his Grace, he could see his home and his brothers – those who remained – and yet he felt…

Empty.

Alone.

Incomplete.

Was this to be his own Hell then? His own punishment?

He had not seen what lay in Lucifer's heart in time to save him…too save them all.

How fitting was it then, that he could now see only the damage it had done to the hearts of the rest of his brethren?

They mourned brothers lost to disobedience. They mourned brother lost to the swords of those they had once loved and trusted.

Questions of _how_ and _why_ flared in the Graces of those surrounding him, and he could _not_ bear it.

He had no answer for them.

Father was silent now – had he turned from them in his grief at what they had done? At what Michael had been too weak to prevent?

The soft pulse of Grace that brushed up against his caught him off guard. He flinched at the cold burn, the reminder of what was missing within…

He felt the Grace retreat, felt the pain and hurt as it went, and tried to wish that he had the strength to follow, the strength to comfort and soothe the youngest of the Archangels…

The burst of dismay and abandonment that chased after him as he ran from Gabriel and the rest of their brothers burned, even as he hardened himself against it.

How much more would his Grace withstand before the fire and pain consumed him?

Using what restraint was left within him, Michael pulled back from the pain for just long enough to send back an order to those he'd run from.

_*Raphael, take charge. Help the injured, and strengthen the gates.*_

With that he cut himself off from his brothers and ran as far and as fast as his wounded Grace could carry him.

As the agony within rose up to swallow him whole once more, only one thought rang clear in his mind.

_He hadn't seen it coming._

How could he guard against it in the future when he hadn't seen it coming from one so intimately connected to him?

Had his love for Lucifer blinded him to his Mate's dangerous thoughts?

Would distance make his sight clearer?

Perhaps if he held himself apart from his brothers…perhaps then he could keep those who remained – those who had _survived_ – safe.

Loneliness.

It was a word that he had known so far in abstract only – a concept that _could_ exist, something his Father had previously created only the potential for…

It had become real, for Michael.

He had lost his Bonded, and he was a danger to his brethren.

He was truly _alone._

Michael wept silently for his broken family.

* * *

Please review...seriously...I'm not sure what's going on with this fic, and my muse is totally taking control, and reviews are her life-blood... :-D


End file.
